The British on the British

Rather than have me explain the third round of the British Open, I find it much more interesting to let the Brits do it themselves. The following excerpts are from The Times - no London necessary.

Discussing Sergio Garcia:

Not even the lowest round ever in an Open at the Scottish links, or being clearly troubled when he injured someone with a wayward shot just as Tiger Woods had done earlier in the day, could knock the 27-year-old Spaniard off course.

When you hook a ball off someone's skull, that's referred to as a "wayward shot." And I thought I had run-on sentences. Please take notes...

American Steve Stricker was the player to post a marvellous seven under par 64, one off the lowest round in any major, but he did it from seven strokes back at halfway.

A "marvellous" 64. Seven strokes back at "halfway?" At the turn? After two rounds?

And Garcia was in no mood to lose the grip he had established with his opening 65 on Thursday.

Woods, who came with high hopes of becoming the first player since Peter Thomson in 1956 to record a hat-trick of Claret Jugs, is eight adrift and "only" joint 15th after a 69.

"Cast a line there, Ishmael! We're 'eight adrift'! "Garcia was in no mood to lose the grip...?" Yeah, he was more in the mood to target the gallery. And what is "joint 15th?" C'mon, speak English!

On the incident at the 17th involving a scoreboard operator [Garcia] commented: "You never want that to happen. When you see the person lying down it's not a good feeling, but fortunately I was able to shake his hand and he said 'I'm fine'.

"He was a little shaken up, but I managed to save a great four."

I like this quote for two reasons. One: plunking a scoreboard operator is an "incident" (or a wayward shot). And two: never one to lose sight of the important things, Garcia reminds us he made par.

Every one of them will wake up hoping for something akin to 1999 when Lawrie, retrieved a 10-shot deficit, three of them when Jean Van de Velde triple-bogeyed the last when three clear.

These Brits play fast and loose with a language they purportedly bequeathed to us. I'll have to remind Whitey next time we're, well, slapping whitey around, that he needs to "retrieve" the 10-shot deficit he'll be facing since I will certainly be ten "clear." I think. Where's my translator...

Only four years ago, remember, Thomas Bjorn was three ahead with four to play at Sandwich and could not complete the job.

"Could not complete the job." Phil Mickelson would like his efforts referred to as kindly.

This is Garcia's first trip to Carnoustie since that unforgettable - much though he might prefer to - experience when he was just 19, but already the Irish Open champion.Garcia had horror rounds of 89 and 83 for a 30 over par aggregate...

Tell me you understood that first sentence the first time you read it. Liar. "30 over par aggregate?" Close the thesaurus Jeeves...

Never has he had such an opportunity as this, though, to break through into the major winners' enclosure at long last and follow in the footsteps of compatriots Seve Ballesteros and Jose Maria Olazabal.

Ballesteros announced his retirement on Monday and on Tuesday Olazabal pulled out because of a knee injury. Garcia was not quite left on his own to fly the Spanish flag - Miguel Angel Jimenez was joint third at halfway - but maybe he sensed that this was his moment to step forward and show in a major the talent he has displayed in all four Ryder Cups he has now played.

"Step aside Tiger, I'm on my way to the winners' enclosure!" This quote also has that nationalistic flavor one finds everywhere - except in the U.S. They mentioned on ESPN that Sergio was wearing the colors of the Spanish flag today. When was last time time you heard Tiger's traditional Sunday red referred to as 'American Red.' This same article mentions that no European has won a major since 1999. So, how is it they consistently destroy us in the Ryder Cup?

Woods, joint 20th at halfway, could do no better than join Edberg and Rose and a 69 was certainly not what he was hoping for.

The round included laying out a woman on the sixth when his wild second shot hit her on the head, but there were also four birdies and his fighting qualities enabled him to play the last eight in one under to keep his hopes alive.

Any quote that mentions "laying out a woman on the sixth" is gonna make it my post. For her troubles she got an autographed golf glove - and two stitches in her dome.

Two ahead both after his first day 65 and his Friday 71, Garcia had resumed with a 18-foot putt and then reeled off six pars in a row before a glorious iron to 10 feet gave him another birdie. The most worrying moment after that came when he pulled his second to the 17th. It might have gone in the gorse, but instead struck a photographer, who like the woman Woods had hit required medical attention...Garcia hit a marvellous chip to two feet and then two mighty irons onto the final green to the cheers of the crowd.

A "glorious iron...marvellous chip...and two mighty irons!" Hyperbole? Not on your life. I have no idea who, what, or where the "gorse" is, but it doesn't sound good.

I can hear Whitey now: "Argggh! In the gorse again!"