Tiger Who?

This is the first time I've actually sat down to weigh in on ESPN's "Who's Now" bracket, because to me, it is a no brainer.

Shaq is the "Diesel", but that engine has a lot of miles on it. Tom Brady is already HOF material, but his head wear is in flux. Jeter is the Yankees, but he is a Yankee. Lebron is the "King," but he'll be "Who's Next". A-Rod has the hot wife, but he is supposedly not quite a Yankee. Peyton won his Super Bowl, but he couldn't beat the Gators, and they vote in this thing. L.T. is a great running back, but he is not the face of the NFL.

Which leads us to TIGER.

He is only a third of the way through his career. His head wear is his own brand (with the same company as His Airness). He is golf, ranked first in the world for the past 110+ weeks. He is the guy you don't want to face in the last group on Sunday, or the finals of anything. He is the guy that has made golf soar in ratings, revenue, and participation. His wife - who doesn't think she is hot? His picture is worth a thousand words, but more likely a couple million dollars. He can sell Buicks...enough said!

Here's how it looks:

MICHAEL JORDAN REGION (1) Tiger Woods v. (2) LaDainian Tomlinson

MUHAMMAD ALI REGION (1) Peyton Manning v. (2) Alex Rodriguez
BILLIE JEAN KING REGION (1) LeBron James v. (2) Derek Jeter
BABE RUTH REGION (1) Tom Brady v. (3) Shaquille O'Neal

Jordan winner vs. Ali winner

King winner vs. Ruth winner

Tiger in a romp over the the Man Child. 67/33

Light the Night Walk

Every once and awhile, truth be told almost every day, life has much more important things to worry about than Michael Vick and seedy referees. I received this email from my good friend, and I pass it along to you:

As most of you know, I lost my Dad to ALL leukemia in 2000 at the age of 60. No other families should have to go through the pain of watching a loved one suffer with this horrible disease, which is why I am again raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society as a participant in their Light The Night Walk. This year's walk is on September 20 and I'm asking you to help by making a contribution. Each donation helps accelerate cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma and brings hope to the patients and families who are on the front lines of the battle against these diseases.

Please visit the link below to donate online quickly and securely. We'll leave the link in the sidebar until the 20th of September.

On behalf of Whitey and Leslie (who will do the walkin'), thank you very much for your support. All of us appreciate your generosity.

Who's in trouble Now?

Our banner today portrays the happy mugs of the 1919 White Sox. In the courtroom. This could be a common pose (maybe not as happy) for many in the weeks and months to come - not on the field or the court (well, not that court) but in depositions and grand jury proceedings. The sports world is in full damage control mode, and for good reason. Let's take a look:

1. The NBA has a referee problem. More of an integrity problem at this point. For my money the worst scandal going, as it involves deliberate fixing of games by what we all presume are the impartial arbiters of the game. Players have been known to do this - not referees/umpires.
2. The NFL has a Michael Vick problem. What to do, what to do. Here's what they did: Roger Goodell told Vick to make an appointment with his lawyer instead of the Atlanta Falcon's training camp. Warning shot fired.
3. MLB has a Barry Bonds problem. Bud Selig said he won't show up for Bonds' record breaking home run, whenever it should happen. Baseball has to be breathing a sigh of relief that Vick and NBA ref troubles have bumped their issues to the page two. For now...
4. MLS has a David Beckham problem. Or do they? I would assume that at some point people will realize that, uh, Beckham ain't playing. And wait, did we just pay to see a soccer match?
5. The NHL has an NHL problem. I just like to rip on hockey whenever I get the chance. Has the hockey season ended yet? Don't tell me who won because...I don't care (and I'm not alone).

So, who has it bad?

Now Batting: PETA?

I am not one to use Wikipedia as a source - I would rather you take my word for it and not lend credence to a site in the batter's box. However, for this yarn I am.

Once again PETA has struck out swinging. When I first heard that PETA was weighing in on the Michael Vick dog fighting issue, I was fully behind them. I gave them the benefit of the doubt that they were doing the right thing. Dog fighting is a crime, as it should be. However they stepped over the line as they usually do. In 2003, PETA ran an inexcusable campaign to bring attention to factory farms. They used pictures of the Holocaust to imply their similarities. That is the type of line I'm talking about. Strike one!

They have put out more than graphic pamphlets called, "Your Father Kills Animals" and "Your Mother Kills Animals" to children. That would be..... Strike two!

Today, on the PETA web site, they are selling "Anti-Vick merchandise." Profiting from the fact that a celebrity gets popped by the Feds makes you lose some of your credibility. For example, this morning on ESPN Radio it was reported that on the Nike site the search for "Vick" came back with no items found. Nike could be attempting to recoup some of the money they shelled out to Vick, but chose to do the right thing.

When a non-profit organization exploits an alleged despicable act for profit, and a for-profit company holds off on the launch of a new shoe thus loosing profit, the rules of commerce are inverted. Strike three!

I know the people that support PETA are truly animal lovers, and some believe that the way they protest is a good thing. In this case their cause is just; their profit is not. It also burns me up that they think 50 protesters outside the NFL Office in New York City is causing the Commissioner to do something. Sorry, it is not them but rather the collective gasp that you hear in your office, tavern, or barbershop that is causing the NFL to act. Just because you're on the right side of a cause doesn't mean you were the reason for change - just a part of the cause for change.

Harang for Cy Young

I think it's about time Aaron Harang's name got mentioned with the other elite pitchers in this league. After going ten innings against the Milwaukee Brewers last night, I believe he deserves a closer look...

Since 2003, when Harang became an consistent starter for the Reds, he has 47-34 record. In exactly none of those years have the Reds had a winning record. He leads the Majors in innings-pitched this year with 151 and he was third in that category last year (behind teammate Bronson Arroyo and Cy Young award winner Brandon Webb).

His 138 strikeouts is tops in the National League so far (only 39 walks). More impressively over his last two starts he has gone 17 2/3 innings, given up 3 earned runs, struck out 18, and got no-decisions both times. The short list of Cy Young candidates this year will include Brad Penny, Carlos Zambrano, John Smoltz, and maybe Jake Peavy and Chris Young. If Harang finishes out the year as strongly as he has pitched the last couple of games, I think he deserves some serious consideration for the award as well.

A Tear.

Mike Coolbaugh, a coach for the Tulsa Drillers, was killed at a Minor League baseball game in the Texas League on Sunday. He was standing in the coach's box down the first base line when he was struck in the head by a line drive foul ball.

Our prayers go out to him, his family, and all of baseball. There really is not anything to add that could possibly make this story have a happy ending. I wish there were.

I apologize in advance to anyone that thinks this is not the right forum to stir a debate. That said, the ball came off of a wooden bat. That's right, not aluminum.

Professor's Note: Both of us extend our prayers. Tragedies such as this - while they do occur in the sports world - are not expected on the baseball diamond. The ball came off the bat of Tino Sanchez, also of the Tulsa Drillers, and our thoughts are with him as well. One can only imagine what he is feeling right now. The human side is more important than the sports angle:

Coolbaugh is survived by his wife, Mandy, and two young sons, Joseph and Jacob... Mandy Coolbaugh is expecting another child in October.[SOURCE]

Coolbaugh had just recently joined the team on July 3rd as an interim hitting coach. All minor league teams are small organizations, and the shock of this tragedy may not subside for some time, if ever.

The Drillers and Spirit Bank have set up a memorial fund to benefit the Coolbaugh family. Checks can be made payable to the Mike Coolbaugh Memorial Fund and sent to:

Mike Coolbaugh Memorial Fund
c/o Spirit Bank
1800 S. Baltimore Ave.
Tulsa, OK 74119

All proceeds collected will go directly to the Coolbaugh family. Spirit Bank began the fund with a $5,000 donation.

Byrd Dog?

On January 3, 1959 Robert C. Byrd began his career in the United States Senate, making him the longest serving member. He is third in succession to the Presidency, behind Cheney and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

With all that said, he is one guy you don't want to tick off. On Thursday Senator Byrd came out swinging against animal cruelty. At this point I'll admit to watching C-SPAN - yes I'm an idiot. There is a lot of opining over spilt milk in the Congress, but Byrd is a great orator. He speaks with passion, and with many years under his belt; he is not pulling a "Nifong". I've heard many speeches from Senator Byrd, and he doesn't have his name plastered all over West Virginia for nothing. I'm not going to bash the man over everything he says, but on this I think it is telling.

Hundreds of thousands -- if not millions -- of dollars are often at stake in the breeding, the training and the selling of fighting dogs. How inhuman, how dastardly!" shouted the senator. "The training of these poor creatures to turn themselves into fighting machines is simply barbaric.[SOURCE]

I totally agree with the Distinguished Gentleman from West Virgina. As the Senate Historian, and for good reason being there a half century, Byrd has seen a lot in his lifetime, and from the lectern he has expressed his love for animals on many occasions. On Thursday he unleashed a rant, not naming Vick, but it was a Hell, Fire, and Brimstone speech. View some highlights HERE.

Meanwhile Senator John Kerry wishes to propose Anti Dogfighting Legislation. Yes, it has become political, and every candidate will give you their "It's wrong" sound bite, but none of them speak from the heart like Senator Byrd. In 2002 at an Appropriation Committee meeting, he told his colleagues that his dog had passed away. They were in session, on the record. I think you get my point.

Sure there will be people that drudge up his past and drop things like the KKK, but that was years ago. If we stop the mud slinging in Washington, as well as the rest of America, we might just learn a little from our elders. I don't agree with the man on every issue, but that is okay. This is not a Republican v. Democrat debate. It goes to the very core of human decency, and if you can't come down on one side of fence on this...I hope you bust your nads on that old rusty fence.

The British on the British

Rather than have me explain the third round of the British Open, I find it much more interesting to let the Brits do it themselves. The following excerpts are from The Times - no London necessary.

Discussing Sergio Garcia:

Not even the lowest round ever in an Open at the Scottish links, or being clearly troubled when he injured someone with a wayward shot just as Tiger Woods had done earlier in the day, could knock the 27-year-old Spaniard off course.

When you hook a ball off someone's skull, that's referred to as a "wayward shot." And I thought I had run-on sentences. Please take notes...

American Steve Stricker was the player to post a marvellous seven under par 64, one off the lowest round in any major, but he did it from seven strokes back at halfway.

A "marvellous" 64. Seven strokes back at "halfway?" At the turn? After two rounds?

And Garcia was in no mood to lose the grip he had established with his opening 65 on Thursday.

Woods, who came with high hopes of becoming the first player since Peter Thomson in 1956 to record a hat-trick of Claret Jugs, is eight adrift and "only" joint 15th after a 69.

"Cast a line there, Ishmael! We're 'eight adrift'! "Garcia was in no mood to lose the grip...?" Yeah, he was more in the mood to target the gallery. And what is "joint 15th?" C'mon, speak English!

On the incident at the 17th involving a scoreboard operator [Garcia] commented: "You never want that to happen. When you see the person lying down it's not a good feeling, but fortunately I was able to shake his hand and he said 'I'm fine'.

"He was a little shaken up, but I managed to save a great four."

I like this quote for two reasons. One: plunking a scoreboard operator is an "incident" (or a wayward shot). And two: never one to lose sight of the important things, Garcia reminds us he made par.

Every one of them will wake up hoping for something akin to 1999 when Lawrie, retrieved a 10-shot deficit, three of them when Jean Van de Velde triple-bogeyed the last when three clear.

These Brits play fast and loose with a language they purportedly bequeathed to us. I'll have to remind Whitey next time we're, well, slapping whitey around, that he needs to "retrieve" the 10-shot deficit he'll be facing since I will certainly be ten "clear." I think. Where's my translator...

Only four years ago, remember, Thomas Bjorn was three ahead with four to play at Sandwich and could not complete the job.

"Could not complete the job." Phil Mickelson would like his efforts referred to as kindly.

This is Garcia's first trip to Carnoustie since that unforgettable - much though he might prefer to - experience when he was just 19, but already the Irish Open champion.Garcia had horror rounds of 89 and 83 for a 30 over par aggregate...

Tell me you understood that first sentence the first time you read it. Liar. "30 over par aggregate?" Close the thesaurus Jeeves...

Never has he had such an opportunity as this, though, to break through into the major winners' enclosure at long last and follow in the footsteps of compatriots Seve Ballesteros and Jose Maria Olazabal.

Ballesteros announced his retirement on Monday and on Tuesday Olazabal pulled out because of a knee injury. Garcia was not quite left on his own to fly the Spanish flag - Miguel Angel Jimenez was joint third at halfway - but maybe he sensed that this was his moment to step forward and show in a major the talent he has displayed in all four Ryder Cups he has now played.

"Step aside Tiger, I'm on my way to the winners' enclosure!" This quote also has that nationalistic flavor one finds everywhere - except in the U.S. They mentioned on ESPN that Sergio was wearing the colors of the Spanish flag today. When was last time time you heard Tiger's traditional Sunday red referred to as 'American Red.' This same article mentions that no European has won a major since 1999. So, how is it they consistently destroy us in the Ryder Cup?

Woods, joint 20th at halfway, could do no better than join Edberg and Rose and a 69 was certainly not what he was hoping for.

The round included laying out a woman on the sixth when his wild second shot hit her on the head, but there were also four birdies and his fighting qualities enabled him to play the last eight in one under to keep his hopes alive.

Any quote that mentions "laying out a woman on the sixth" is gonna make it my post. For her troubles she got an autographed golf glove - and two stitches in her dome.

Two ahead both after his first day 65 and his Friday 71, Garcia had resumed with a 18-foot putt and then reeled off six pars in a row before a glorious iron to 10 feet gave him another birdie. The most worrying moment after that came when he pulled his second to the 17th. It might have gone in the gorse, but instead struck a photographer, who like the woman Woods had hit required medical attention...Garcia hit a marvellous chip to two feet and then two mighty irons onto the final green to the cheers of the crowd.

A "glorious iron...marvellous chip...and two mighty irons!" Hyperbole? Not on your life. I have no idea who, what, or where the "gorse" is, but it doesn't sound good.

I can hear Whitey now: "Argggh! In the gorse again!"

One Step Beyond?

This morning, as I was watching the British Open, I saw a commercial which is not out of the ordinary. The scene starts out with the sight of cowboy boots walking around a city scape. Music lightly playing in the background. As the commercial continues, I see the familiar Geico Cavemen walking down the street. I'm thinking this is a new installment of the "Caveman" campaign, but I was sorely mistaken.

Apparently ABC has inked the creators of the show "Third Rock From The Sun" to a seven figure deal to create a new show in which the Cavemen live in Atlanta. Come on, the MARTA (Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) will eat a marathon runner for an appetizer. How can HOTLANTA live up to the hype? Are they going to catch a foul ball at Turner Field? Maybe drop by Vick's Atlanta pad for a cock fight? I loved the commercials when they first came out, and the song from the airport scene is always in my head, but this is "jumping the shark" before you even start.

I will give it a spin in the fall to see if it explains the missing link; but there better not be a Seinfeld rerun on.

Quick Update

Your fearless correspondent, me, is currently turning big rocks into smaller rocks compiling the final installment of The Professor's Presidential Preview: The Republicans. Due to that time consuming venture, I give you quickly what I would be discussing were I not knee deep in the G.O.P:

The ongoing saga of Mr. Vick, which is destined to plague us for quite some time. I enjoyed Nike's press release which stated they were...

concerned by the serious and highly disturbing allegations made against Michael Vick, and we consider any cruelty to animals inhumane and abhorrent. We do believe that Michael Vick should be afforded the same due process as any citizen; therefore, we have not terminated our relationship.[SOURCE]

But they ain't releasing version five of his shoe anytime soon. As expected, PETA is not in the least bit amused.



As good as this stuff looks, I'd advise against eating any:

The Food and Drug Administration Wednesday July 18 issued a warning to advise consumers not to eat some brands of chili sauces made during a specific period by the Castleberry Food Company based in Augusta,Georgia due to concerns about possible botulism contamination.[SOURCE]

For those of you not up to date on your various nerve toxins, botulism causes paralysis of the respiratory system, muscles, or more likely, both. Don't eat this stuff. Ever.



They "solved" checkers. Actually 200 computers did it...over thirteen freakin' years. When they get around to solving Hungry Hungry Hippos, it's The Matrix for all of us.








Some NBA ref is gonna get hosed by the FBI for fixing basketball games. Shocker? Not really. It goes a long way toward explaining why the "rules" in the NBA seem to be sporadically applied.





There's more, but Mitt Romney is calling my name. At least I think that's Mitt...could be an angel handing out golden plates. Tough to say. Calling Whitey!

Rodionova and The Milton Bradley School of Fan Relations

Controversy! Intrigue! Hecklers! Balls hitting off walls! A night in the life of the Reds' bullpen you say?

Nope. This is the Western & Southern Women's Open, where it seems the three women who actually attended the match between Anastasia Rodionova and Angelique Kerber played their own version of serve and volley - between Rodionova's ears.

For only the second time in the the 34-year history of the Women's Tennis Association, a player was not-so-kindly asked to pack their gear and head for the showers mid-match (more on the first time later). [SOURCE] Chair umpire Yvette Kahn, in consultation with tournament referee William Coffey, told Rodionova to take a hike after she rocketed a ball off the wall underneath three fans in the stands (Rodionova appears to be pointing to the spot on the wall in the picture).

At the time the two were tied at two sets apiece and Rodionova had just lost the first game of the third set. Apparently these three women were Kerber fans and had been heckling Rodionova somewhat mercilessly. They were warned by Kahn late in the second set when they cheered midpoint (gasp!), which is against tennis etiquette. Kahn issued a public-address warning to the crowd not to cheer during play.

First of all, who the hell is a Kerber fan? For that matter, who the hell is Kerber? Or Rodionova? These two are ranked 73rd and 78th in the world. I'd assume these three knucklehead fans are either related to Kerber or were half drunk on mimosas at the time. Either way, you gotta love it.

"If you're afraid of the ball, then don't sit in the front row," said Rodionova. I agree. If you're going to dish out some grade-D comments to players in an near-empty stadium, don't be suprised when they fire the felt sphere in your direction. It will be interesting to see the reception Rodionova gets when she plays in the doubles competition, in which it seems she will still be allowed to compete. I might have to make the trip up north for that.

The first time a player was, as they say, "defaulted?" Romania's Irina Spirlea when she made use of some colorful language while addressing an official in the Palmero tournament in 1996. However, this isn't the crowning jewel in Spirlea's tiara.

During a changeover in the semifinals of the 1997 U.S. Open,

Spirlea intentionally collided with [Venus] Williams, not only bumping into her, but kneeing her in the leg near the net post while changing ends. Spirlea went on to lose the match 6-7(5), 6-4, 6-7(7). Williams' father blamed Spirlea's racism as the cause of the collision. Spirlea cited Williams' arrogance, saying in a press conference following the match, "I'm not going to move. She never tries to turn" and "She thinks she's the fucking Venus Williams."[SOURCE]

Give me more of that type of etiquette and I'll book my seat in the front row right now! I'll be sure to bring my glove and remember not to hail the beer vendor mid-point. Maybe.

In case you are curious, Milton Bradley's moment in the shade.

Big Guys Don't Float

This is as close as fat guys should get their boat to water. To wit:

A 500-pound man injured while rafting down a shallow stretch of the St. Croix River was pulled to safety Tuesday by dozens of rescue workers who spent hours carrying him to a navigable part of the waterway.[SOURCE]

I am not one to make fun of over-weight people, but here's what I will say: There are certain activities that probably should be considered "dangerous," or even "off-limits," to particular segments of the population.

It took authorities 12 hours to rescue Martin Rike after his inflatable raft hit some rocks and deflated in about 2 inches of water. Apparently, he tried to walk to shore and injured himself and was thus unable to get to safety. Chief Deputy Steve Ovick said, "The aircraft that found him said they could not lift that amount of weight."

Eventually 40-50 people used an aluminum boat as a stretcher and carried this guy two inches at a time until they could float him down river to a waiting ambulance.

This sort of thing happens every once in a while, where someone gets stuck or injured somewhere they probably shouldn't be. Sometimes it ends in tragedy (James Kim, in Oregon, who tried to walk through the snow to get help for his family stuck in a car), almost superhuman resolve (Aron Ralston, who cut off his arm to free himself from a boulder), or a massive rescue effort (remember "Baby Jessica," who was pulled from a well in Texas after 58 hours).

Mr. Rike said he went on the rafting trip due to his doctor's advice to take up "a fun but safe activity." While it is impossible to plan for every contingency in situations such as this, it is possible to imagine a not-so-far-fetched scenario where this would probably not be a good idea. Like the scenario which actually occurred.

Kudos to those who rescued Rike, who obviously put forth a herculean effort to do so. Unlike some of the other examples above, it seems Rike could have easily avoided putting himself in this position. Just like I should not attempt to swim the English Channel tomorrow - we all have our limitations - maybe rafting shouldn't be considered "a fun but safe activity."

Lancer Leap?

Big things are happening at Longwood University in Farmville, Va. As of September 1, 2007 the Lancers will be competing at the D-1 level.

As the Professor will attest, I'm a huge Michael Tucker fan [Professor's Note: I will attest]. He played ball with a friend of mine at the Wood. My favorite memory was watching a simulated game in the Fall of 1990.

My friend (Wee-Wee) and I were watching as a southpaw was throwing to Tucker. Beyond the fence in right field is a graveyard. Tuck took the guy over the fence and half way to the gates of hell. He crushed the ball and we crushed the lefty. As the simulated game continued my friend, a righty, started to throw. Tuck took him yard over the left field fence, across the street and into the Mini-Mart parking lot. The guy could swing.

Tucker was drafted 10th overall by the Kansas City Royal in 1992 and has played 12+ seasons in the Bigs. He is now in Pawtucket, playing with the AAA Red Sox. I'm hoping to get together with Wee-Wee and Tuck and throw back a few - maybe even joke Wee-Wee for that bomb. I do it mostly because I never had to face Tucker; I have been taken yard, but not by a guy that has been in the SHOW.

UC Davis and Northern Colorado will also make the move to D-1. Welcome to where the big boys play. See you in Omaha?

Vick's Bad Newz

At 8:07 this evening, ESPN.com dropped this pearl on us:

...[Michael] Vick is unlikely to be indicted in the dogfighting federal investigation, according to information gathered by the NFL and Atlanta Falcons, sources tell ESPN's Chris Mortensen. The authorities have told the Falcons and league that there has not been any evidence that can be tied to Vick with the alleged dogfighting ring, the sources said.[SOURCE]

Sooo close to resembling reality...

Michael Vick was indicted by a federal grand jury Tuesday on charges of sponsoring a dogfighting operation so grisly the losers either died in the pit or sometimes were electrocuted, drowned, hanged or shot.[SOURCE]

I wouldn't put those "sources" on speed dial Mort.

Whitey discussed Mr. Vick's troubles in an earlier post, referencing the strange fact that the Feds got involved. Let me first start by saying that Vick has only been indicted. As the famous saying goes, any prosecutor worth his salt could get a grand jury to "indict a ham sandwich." That said, let's look at some of the fine points of the indictment, which you can find in its entirety at The Smoking Gun.

There are four 'gentlemen' named: Purnell ("P. Funk") Peace, Quanis ("Q") Phillips, Tony ("T") Taylor, and Michael ("Ookie") Vick. No, there is not a charge in the indictment: "Gross Abuse in the Application of Nicknames."

Sometime in 2001, after Vick bought a house in Smithfield, Virginia, these four bought 26 pit bulls from locales up and down the East coast. Nowhere in the indictment does it mention them setting up an animal shelter, but it does mention the establishment of "Bad Newz Kennels." They even made some gear (shirts, headbands, etc.) to advertise their new venture. Other kennels named (in case you thought this behavior was isolated): "Show Biz Kennels","D.C. Kennels", and "Hard Core Kennels."

In early 2002 after one of their pit bulls fared poorly in a fight, P. Funk shot it in the head with a .22. This was to be a pattern: at least 4 more dogs were allegedly shot (and two electrocuted) by this crew. The indictment lists a string of fights between dogs of Vick's crew and other dogs, who came from as far away as Alabama, Florida, Texas, and New York. One has to remember that in each of the fights, when the indictment claims that one dog "prevailed," more often than not that probably means the other dog was killed in the fight or put down afterwards for disappointing its owner or due to injuries sustained.

The most damning aspect I found was toward the end of the indictment:

On or about April 2007, PEACE, PHILLIPS, and VICK executed approximately 8 dogs that did not perform well in "testing" [fighting trial runs]...by various methods, including hanging, drowning, and slamming at least one dog's body to the ground."[SOURCE]

There is more but I think you get the point.

The typical defenses for this behavior that I have heard are:
A) Dog fighting is part of a culture or,
B) Well, they didn't murder anyone.

There will probably be many more excuses thrown out with everyone pointing fingers at everybody else. Truth be told there IS no excuse for this type of behavior. Hopefully all involved will be locked in a little cage of their own for a long time. Unfortunately, Vick's cage will probably be located under the lights of the Georgia Dome.

Ducks on the pond?

I for one am glad to see that the University of Oregon Ducks will be back on the NCAA diamond in 2009. On Friday the 13th, the UO web page had an article confirming the story. It has been nearly 30 years since the Ducks where on the pond.

Baseball was brought to the Pacific Woodlands in 1877, a year after the founding if the University. In 1981 the team was relegated to a club sport. Prior to the '81 season, the Ducks had won the PAC-10 14 times. Until Friday, they were the only PAC-10 school without a baseball program. The Ducks have an aggressive plan to hire a national coach by the fall ( a tough feat in, and of itself) and field the team in '09.

With the Oregon State Beavers ruling the Pacific Northwest and College Baseball for the past two years, we will see a new program emerge from the Beaver State. The Ducks will need a few years to build up the program, but I say we give it up to the Ducks for getting back in the game. PLAY BALL!

Get Big Donkey Deal Dunn

Listening to Lance McAlister today I hear the new rumor concerning Adam Dunn is sending him to Minnesota for one of their pitching prospects. The rumor claims the Twins need some power because outside Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer, and Torii Hunter, Dunn has more homers than the rest of the Twins combined.

The Twins are in it - five and a half back in both the division and the Wild Card (chasing the Indians or the Tigers most likely). The latest name thrown into the mix is Kevin Slowey, a 6'3'' 23-year-old right hander who has been up and down for the Twins this year.

If the Reds could do this, they should do it yesterday. Dunn has 25 HR's, but the Reds are 9-14 in games in which he has homered. He has more than one RBI in a game in which he did not homer only once (June 14). Yep, the Reds lost that one too. While the Reds' woes are by no means all Dunn's fault (it would help if the 8th inning call to the bullpen produced more than a batting tee), I think it is fairly apparent that the Reds could use the $10 mil they pay the Big Donkey in, shall we say, more winning ways...

Mr. Cody Paul

I found this through My Space, but I originally saw it on Kissing Suzy Kolber. There appears to be a whole slew of credits for it, so I'm not sure who is responsible for putting the thing together.

Regardless, this kid is the real deal. I think he is all of eight years old and already has his own freakin' highlight reel. For good reason. He'll be paying Ma and Pa's mortgage in no time...

Hey Maggie

Upon leaving for my "Farm Trip," I stopped by a friend's home to drop off some hard pears. Maggie runs the Hotel in town and is as sweet as she could be. She redefines the term compassion. A few of the people that stay there are a tad kooky, but she treats them all with the utmost respect. She goes above and beyond what most would do - without complaining. I especially like her dog "Scooby-Doo." He'll eat anything. She gets him four hamburgers every Friday and he eats them like it is his job!

We have struck up a dialogue about the history of the building she manages; she knows more about it than people who have lived in town for 65 years. I hope to find some more information about it for another time.

She wasn't home so I left her bag of pears on the front stoop and drove off, only to see her walking down the street. I pulled up beside her, told her what I had done, and that I was on my way. We exchanged pleasantries and she said she had checked out the web site, and got a good laugh. I said, "Thank you," and that's when it hit me.


She needs to get out of here. She spends all of her energy taking care of other peoples troubles while neglecting her own. Telling someone that they belong somewhere better is always hard, because more often than not you come off as sanctimonious or preachy.

In this case, I don't feel that way. As much as I would miss her, I feel she needs to concentrate more on taking care of the most important person in her life...HER. She and a friend visited a spa a few months back and she still grins when she speaks about it. She said her mind was stimulated by the interaction. At the hotel people are from all walks of life and continually coming and going , but they're not allowing her talents, or intellect, to grow and prosper.

So Maggie: pick up your bed and get out of town. That world of things you said you would like to see in your life? Start today.

This Ain't Now

A quick update on what is fast becoming the most annoying aspect of Sportscenter: Who's Now. Uh, is it "...not your typical bracket?" Is Muhammed Ali "the Greatest of All-Time?" Do Michael Wilbon, Kirk Herbstreit, and Keyshawn Johnson have anything, and I mean ANYTHING, interesting to say?

I'm not sure what irks me more: than inane chatter between these three and Stuart Scott or the intentionally over dramatic female voice-over during each athlete's highlights. Here's a typical moment: when discussing Vince Young and Maria Sharapova, Stuart Scott opines, "...but he won six games in a row!" Wow, Stuart. Six? In a row? Was he a rookie too? Johnson consistently makes extremely astute comments like, "NASCAR is up-and-coming." Stop the presses!

The absurdity of this exercise became all too apparent in the closest vote yet, when LaDainian Tomlinson beat David Beckham. Beckham could have retired three years ago and still should have beat Tomlinson. Like I said a previous post, I don't think I'd recognize Tomlinson begging for nickels on the street corner unless he was wearing a helmet.

Here's how it looks now if, unlike me, you care:

MICHAEL JORDAN REGION
July 1: (1) Tiger Woods def. (8) Matt Leinart (90% - 10%)
July 2: (4) Dwyane Wade def. (5) Shaun White (73% - 27%)
July 3: (2) LaDainian Tomlinson def. (7) David Beckham (50.8% - 49.2)
July 4: (3) Steve Nash def. (6) Serena Williams (57% - 43%)

MUHAMMAD ALI REGION
July 5: (1) Peyton Manning def. (8) Amanda Beard (80.5% - 19.5%)
July 6: (4) Dale Earnhardt Jr. def. (5) Chuck Liddell (61.7% - 38.3%)
July 7: (2) Alex Rodriguez def. (7) Terrell Owens (67.5% - 32.5%)
July 8: (3) Kobe Bryant def. (6) Ronaldinho (60.8% - 39.2%)

BILLIE JEAN KING REGION
July 9: (1) LeBron James def. (8) Kelly Slater (84.4 % - 15.6%)
July 10: (4) Jeff Gordon def. (5) Barry Bonds (62.2% - 37.8%)
July 11: (2) Derek Jeter def. (7) Sidney Crosby (63.8% - 36.2%)
July 12: (3) Reggie Bush def. (6) Danica Patrick (72.5% - 27.5%)

BABE RUTH REGION
July 13: (1) Tom Brady def. (8) David Ortiz (66.1% - 33.9%)
July 14: (4) Maria Sharapova def. (5) Vince Young (60% - 40%)
July 15: (2) Roger Federer vs (7) Tony Parker
July 16: (3) Shaquille O'Neal vs (6) Michael Phelps

Straight chalk. Tune in and be bored to tears or do what I do: Change the channel during this tripe. In case you were wondering who is going to win, let me be the one to tell you (Caution: Spoiler ahead). Tiger Woods. Matt Leinart must have cajoled every one of his purported girlfriends to vote for him in order to tally even 10% in that match-up.

Guess who's back?

There is no way to invoke Rickey like Rickey. After being hired as the new hitting coach of the New York Mets, this is how the press conference went (or should have gone). I hope it brings you a little smile, just knowing Rickey is back in baseball.

I was hoping to pick him up on my Fantasy team but alas, he is just coaching. My favorite story of Rickey being Rickey was back when Harold Reynolds won the stolen base title in 1987 with 60, making him the only player in the 1980's to win the award in the American League other than Rickey. Reynolds described it on an airing of Baseball Tonight. HR said he got back to his house after receiving the award and pushed the button on the answering machine. A voice said, "Rickey had 60 at the break." Then it was just a click. Gone faster than taking off for second.

As he would more than willingly remind you: Rickey is the best. Welcome back.

For the top 25 Rickey stories, check THIS out.

Cuban Embargo?

Back in 2002, Jerry Riensdorf of Chicago fame told David Stern that Mark Cuban would be a problem for the NBA. I heard this on Mike & Mike in the Morning coming out of the mouth of Hall Of Fame Baseball writer Peter Gammons. Speaking of Mr. Gammons, I for one am so glad to see him back in good health. Gammons said yesterday in an radio interview that Mark Cuban has put in his bid to buy the Cubbies. Chicago is a great town, and the Wrigley faithful deserve a winner. They have gone out and gotten a good crop of guys to make a run at a pennant in the next 2-3 years. Sweet Lou has brought a fighting attitude to the Northside, as seen in their turn around after his tantrum last month. However, he is the manager, not the owner.

Mark Cuban is a great owner from the player's accounts in Dallas. He gets them the things they need to play the best they can; but it hasn't translated into a championship. That said, he is a sore loser. He is actually suing Don Nelson for having inside information on his team. After the Golden State Warriors beat the Mavericks in the playoffs, I think the phrase that caught my ear was 'Nelson knows Dirks tendencies.' My 7 year old nephew knows Dirk can only go to his left! That is not inside information, that comes from coaching him - Nelson is the former coach in Dallas.

Cuban wears "Stern University" shirts, sits down by the floor, and barks at every call. He sends game tape on a regular basis to Stern for review. He gets fines for these shenanigans, and couldn't care less. That kind of thing works in the NBA, but if you think that the Baseball Ownership hasn't been taking all this in you're crazy. Cuban would have a better chance to win the Presidency than get into this 'Ole Boys Club. Just what MLB needs, a guy that sends in tape of pitches he thinks were called wrong. Over an 162 game schedule, he will have tape flowing out of the Commissioner's office all the way to the South Pole.

MLB Owners are a tight group when it comes to who owns a team; money doesn't really do all the talking in buying a team. The owners vote on who gets a team, as well as the commissioner. Once you own it, you can spend like a Pharaoh building an empire. Stienbrenner sits in his sky box, Turner sits behind the screen. You own it you can sit where you want, but you can't sit behind the ump and squawk about balls and strikes.

That is what Cuban would do. I can't see a tiger changing his stripes. With all of the complexity of baseball's inner workings on the field, like strikes, balls, outs, fair, foul, and don't forget sign stealing; Cuban would spend his entire bankroll funding a counter conspiracy department in the halls of Wrigley Field. MLB doesn't need a whiner, and they don't need Cuban.

At least they HAVE a Top Ten...

Sports Illustrated has come out with an All-Time Ohio State top ten athlete list.

THAT GUY--->

beat

<---THIS GUY

All Stars?

Watching the All Star game was nightmare. The problem I have with it is this: they don't play with the fundamentals, they play for the individual. The game is for home field advantage in the World Series. With the win the other night, the American League will host and have the first two games at home, four of the seven in their home park. Big advantage, but everyone didn't play as if that were the case.

I love Junior, but if A-Rod didn't stroll home, I think he makes it. In the Bonds' at-bats, he failed to advance Reyes to third. He was trying to score 5 runs with one swing. Ichiro, what can you say? He hustled and got a lucky bounce. It happens.

The National League left 18 men on base to the AL's 10. The NL left 5 on with two outs to the AL's 2. The NL struck out 9 times to the AL's 1. That is damning. That's what I mean by fundamentals. If you don't move the man over with a gaping hole on the left side, you failed. If you have the guy in scoring position you have to get the ball in play, not strike out. I'm not saying that this doesn't happen, failure is part of the game. A guy hitting .333 fails 7 out of 10 at-bats. He is considered an All Star caliber player.

The question is if the game matters, why are you playing like it doesn't? Or better yet; Should it matter? The NBA, NHL, and NFL (not counting the Super Bowl) as well as most organized sports in the world give home field advantage to the best record. They freely admit that their All Star games are for fun. Go ahead, take the shot when your not open, or don't play defense. Jog, I don't care. It doesn't mean anything, and there is a clock that can stop the madness. Which is not the case in baseball - only outs.

Weird sport this thing we call baseball. There is no time limit, and the Defense controls the ball. You can't ignore the ball, because you would never get the outs to get off the field. You have to throw strikes, or you walk guys around the bases, and no one but you can stop the madness. You have to play the game. If your going to play the game, at least play to win. That said, the All Star game wasn't played to win, but for the individual, which is the thing that baseball doesn't have.

Evil Potter Plots Satanic Seduction...

Here we go again...I've never read the books, so I have no right to be overly judgmental. I have seen some of the movies, though I'd be hard pressed to tell you which ones. They're alright. I suppose this is a new generation's Star Wars - without any of the cool characters. Harry Potter seems as intriguing as butter. What's the point again? Save magic school? At least Luke was trying to save the galaxy.

I do have to commend Rowling on her ability to get millions of people (I would say kids but I know better) to stand in line waiting for a book. My friends and I didn't line up outside the local Barnes and Noble waiting for the new Judy Blume tome (Superfudgier!).

What I like most about Harry is he brings out the best in those obsessed with raising other people's children. Like Steve Wohlberg, who says:

In the midst of fun and fantasy, J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels make witchcraft appear cool and exciting, especially to teenagers. It doesn’t matter that these novels are only “fictitious stories.” Stories are powerful. They influence both individuals and society. Just look around. “Wicca” (a religion that practices witchcraft) is exploding in popularity among kids, teens and adults. Even nine-year-olds are frequenting Wicca websites, lighting candles, casting spells, joining covens, and practicing so-called “white magic.” The Harry Potter craze and Wicca’s growing popularity go hand in hand. Harry’s last name is “Potter.” A “potter” molds clay, which is exactly what’s happening. Make no mistake about it, the Harry Potter books (along with other magic-made-fun films and TV series like Charmed, Buffy, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch) are whetting kid’s appetites to check out real witchcraft. The biggest danger is witchcraft itself, whether “black” or so-called “white.” Unknown to Wiccans themselves, it’s all a doorway to the demonic. Witchcraft itself (and the supernatural forces behind it), this is what’s wrong with Harry Potter.[SOURCE]

Oh yes, Mr. Potter and his magical cohorts are seducing your children, enticing them into a world of black magic (is there any other kind?). Instead of building nice Lego towns your child will be erecting towering shrines to Satan, sacrificing the family pets in the fireplace.

"Want to play Monopoly, Johnny?"
"No, I think I'm gonna conjure up Grandpa with my Ouija board and have his spirit torture you and Mom for all eternity."

Wohlberg has some advice for parents in such a predicament:

Avoid Harry Potter. Don’t buy the book. There are much better things for our kids to read. My wife and I have a three-year-old son who loves stories. Daily we read to him stories that teach lessons about honesty, purity, truth-telling, respect for parents, and faith in God. In Harry Potter, teenage Harry lies a lot, break rules at Hogwarts, curses, throws temper tantrums, and even drinks “firewhisky” (he’s an underage drinker). Instead of Harry Potter, our ministry (White Horse Media) recommends John Bunyan’s immortal classic The Pilgrim’s Progress which teaches character-building lessons about the dangers of sin, repentance, faith in God, walking on the narrow road, resisting the devil, and preparing for heaven. None of these lessons are found in Harry Potter.[SOURCE]

What is this 1510? We should have a book burning during Sunday Mass. Father Joe should hang freshly slain lambs on all our stoops to ward off the evil gnomes. I heard garlic's good for this sort of thing. And Inquisitions.

I'd like to say this sort of attitude amazes me but alas, it does not. It's the occult, it's pagan, it's witchcraft, it's shut the hell up already. If you don't want your kid to read the damn books or see the movies than feel free to be the oddball parent on the block who, instead of letting their child enjoy their youth, makes little Johnny recite Psalms 'til bedtime. I don't really care. Just don't tell the rest of us what to do/read/think. I'm quite pleased that people read anything and then think something.

Yeah, yeah, we're all going to hell. The day when children start running amok under the spell of a novel like possessed Don Quixotes following the apocalyptic wishes of some satyric Pied Piper...well, don't say they didn't warn you about those Latin Masses...

Back to the Farm?

Well kids it is about that time when I make my annual pilgrimage to the Farm. That would be Durham for the Bulls, Raleigh for the Mudcats, and then to Norfolk for the Tides. That's right sports fans, it's Minor League Baseball Time for Whitey!

I got to the Gator's baseball games on a regular basis. Season tickets.... go figure! I made it to Cincinnati for the MLB experience with the Professor. However, I grew up in a Minor League town, so it is very close to my heart. The International League play is outstanding. The Durham Bulls and the Norfolk Tides are in this Triple A league. These guys are just a phone call away from getting their "Cup of Joe" in the Bigs. It is fundamental baseball, good fielding and situational hitting (the latter was nonexistent in the MLB All Star Game, but that is another story).

The Mudcats are Double A from the Southern League, which is closer to batting practice. Most of the pitching in the majors comes from Triple A because most of those guys are on the Disabled List. Minor League guys are deal makers for teams in trades. With the trade deadline coming up, I like to be up on the guys "To Be Named Later" in those trades. Every one knows the big names in a trade but the prospects are the ones that make a deal happen. Last year it was Lastings Mileage that was the "Buzz Name" at the trade deadline. Where is he now? Not playing baseball.

Now that we have the All Star game out of the way, it's time for the GM's to start looking for talent 'On The Farm', as they become buyers or sellers with the Trading Deadline looming.

Milking Pamplona

In response to some world class whining, the famous Pamplona bull running may soon include a second event with cows. Women in Pamplona now want their own race - with cows. A student website, www.estudiln.net, started all this (have fun with that website).

Two interesting points:

1. Women can race with men in the bull-runs now.
2. The women want the cow race to exclude men.

They lay it out like this:

"Cows, as well as bulls, have four legs and a natural instinct to run," says their manifesto. "An encierro [what the bull-runs are called] for cows, would put Pamplona at the vanguard of traditional fiestas with equality for men and women."

Equality? How 'bout you can race the bulls with the rest of us? And where, o' where do they get the idea that since cows have four legs they have "a natural instinct to run." I have seen plenty of cows in my life and here's what they were doing: not running. Grazing? Yes. Moving fast? No.

The bull-run actually has some historic background, dating back to the fourteenth century. The idea originally was to get the bulls from the pen outside the city to the bull fighting ring for the corrida (bull fighting). That is ostensibly the idea today, although the actual run has now taken on mythic proportions.

Don't cheapen this thing anymore by pandering to idiotic suggestions to trot cows down the streets to...well, I don't know what they intend to do with them when they get them to - remember this - the bullring.

Range Balls Get Bad Rap

Some ingenious felons stole about 4,800 range balls from a driving range in Kansas on Sunday night. Apparently the thieves took down a fence, drove a truck on the range, and proceeded to fill up the bed of the truck with the balls. Now that's dedication.

The head pro at the course, Jeff Johnson, was quoted as saying, he thought they would either sell them or "they are some really bad golfers who need some range balls to practice with." The headline on Golf.com claims, "Police seek bad golfer!"

Now, I play golf. I'm not that great of a golfer but, correct me if I'm wrong, bad golfers aren't the only one's who hit the range. I've actually taken to playing with range balls recently - and I like 'em (I prefer the white ones). I usually just pick them up off the holes next to the range (like any other ball I find).

I read in this article that I can get kicked off certain courses for playing with range balls. I don't play those courses. Supposedly, some range balls only go 80% as far as normal balls. Whatever. There also appears to be an etiquette issue with regard to pulling range balls out on the course. I don't play with those people.

This article basically makes my point for me:

[Range balls are] so hideous that [they] won't be pilfered by customers. In fact, the garish colors or racing stripes are intended to discourage customers from stealing the balls for use on the golf course. Theory being that a range ball would be instantly recognized if used in play and would bring shame to the cheap golfer who tried to use it.

That said: Keep one or two in your bag for use over a water hazard. If it lands in the hazard you won't feel so bad. And you won't hold up the group behind you trying to fish it out. Of course, you cannot do this in tournament play. But among your regular weekly foursome, who's going to complain?

We have a rule in our foursome. If you substitute a range ball on the fairway to go over a water hazard you must finish the hole with it should the ball not go in the water.

A friend of mine and I were recently joking about going to the range, getting a basket of balls, carrying it to the car and dumping them in the trunk. I'd never considered taking the car to the balls...

Swear Jar

This video is making the rounds on the web, and I'm gonna help it out. I hate Bud Light, but this ad is classic. If you are watching this in the office make sure you turn the sound up...

Glamour Shots

Ah, All-Star week, so what does The Professor do? Well, I just got the August issue of Glamour in the mail today! I have no idea why I get this tripe and I usually don't bring it in the house, but lucky for you I decided to peruse the contents this month. Maxim (another magazine I get for unknown reasons) recently did this, but I have not.

10 Sex & Love Thrills (and Spills) Every Woman Should Have.

1. Girl dates tattooed guy, agrees to marry him, but the light bulb goes on when he cancels a romantic weekend for a buddy's bachelor party. She eventually meets "sweet, kind, funny" man. I've seen this movie, it's called every date movie I've ever seen.
   
2. Advises new sexual positions. Yawn.
   
3. Let him "point out your flaws." Oh, I see that happening.
4. Don't marry Gatsby, especially if he's good looking, rich, and would rather shuck corn than have a conversation with you. But by all means date him until he ignores you in public. More than once. Or he buys you a car. You know what, happiness is overrated anyway...
   
5. Let your boy do the heavy lifting (literally).
   
6. Get something more out of an argument other than makeup sex. Involves lots of talking and should probably be avoided by the man. This is why Grace has a friend named Will.
   
7. It's normal if you're married and never have sex. Just book a hotel to get out of your funk. Yeah, that or never get married.
8. Climb Mt. Everest together. If you survive and still talk to one another, it's true love!
9. Find a guy who worships your body. Easy for Jennifer (she looks smashing, doesn't she?). Not so easy for Rosie. Put the Cinnabon down!
   
10. Do something crazy. Like follow these tips? Ok!

Is He Normal?
This little ditty let's them know if you are just like the rest of us or a freak of nature. Mostly stats which I have no idea how they compiled, like, "Number of books the typical guy has read in a year?" 8. The best is a quote from one Ryan Clancy concerning what women don't get about men: "Guys can think about nothing. Often it's dead up there, like a test screen on a TV." Often, Ryan? You're not supposed to shove the Q-Tip all the way in.

I'm tired of this. If your girl picks this issue up, or you see it in the mailbox, do yourself a favor - get a tattoo and plan a bachelor party. When's baseball come on?

It's Derby Time!

Everyone's favorite contest featuring Chris Berman repeating, "Back, back, back, back, back..." 90 times in a single broadcast returns tomorrow night. I like the Home Run Derby, but it seems to have lost a bit of its luster since I was a kid. It would be much more fun if they billed it more like the Kentucky Derby, so I got your PP's right here:

1. Justin Morneau, 23 HR. Derby Rookie. He's got 18 of those homers at night, but I have no idea how many of those were indoors at the Metrodome. Morneau is hot, he hit three homers on Saturday and the pitchers on Monday night will be about as good as White Sox staff. ODDS: 4:1.
   
2. Albert Pujols, 16 HR. 2nd Derby (2003). Albert's last home run was on June 14 if you can believe it. Here's the deal though: Al's total of 26 HR in 2003 has been topped only twice, by Miguel Tejada (27 in 2004) and Bobby Abreu (41 in 2005). My favorite. ODDS: 2:1.
   
3. Ryan Howard, 21 HR. Defending Champion. Not throwing up MVP numbers again, but he won it last year. The safe bet; I would throw him in an Exacta. ODDS: 2.5:1.
   
4. Vladimir Guerrero, 14 HR. 2nd Derby (2000). Vlad hasn't hit one out since June 23rd. His tendency to swing at anything within the same zip code of home plate will work against him. ODDS: 5:1.
   
5. Prince Fielder, 29 HR. Derby Rookie. Prince could get a lot of balls wet at AT&T Park. Problem is, I see him hitting 20 in the first round and 7 the rest of the way. Still a favorite. ODDS: 3:1.
   
6. Magglio Ordonez, 13 HR. Derby Rookie. Magglio's last bomb? June 2nd. Hope he brings a camcorder because he'll have plenty of time on his hands. ODDS: 8:1.
   
7. Alex Rios, 17 HR. Derby Rookie. Thrown in due to the late scratch of Miguel Cabrera. Rios is just happy to be there, and hasn't hit a homer since June 25. This is your Barbaro should you not like money. ODDS: 17:1.
   
8. There should be an eighth, but as far as I can tell there isn't. Maybe they are saving a spot for someone...

Make sure you tune in after the Derby for the series premiere of "The Bronx is Burning." Or screw a #2 pencil into your eardrum. Your choice.

There's No Running in Baseball

Jose Reyes getting benched the other night for not running out a tapper to third prompted me to think a bit about running in baseball. On the play in question, Reyes hit a dribbler to third which the third baseman picked up and then jogged halfway across the infield before he flipped it to first. Reyes, with an incredulous look on his face, never left the batter's box. He was promptly benched by manager Willie Randolph for the remainder of the game (one inning, in a game the Mets were losing 4-0).

Living here in Cincinnati, I have heard over and over again about Ken Griffey Jr.'s "lack of hustle," especially when Ryan Freel plays like he had a keg of Starbucks for breakfast. Barry Bonds has the same reputation. In fact, I think Bonds is the poster child for this sort of thing. I have seen Bonds hit balls which the opposing team could have thrown around the horn before getting the easy putout at first.

The typical defense for players emulating spectators - other than the fact that it is problematic to bench a guy making $10 mil a year - is that it is a "long season" and running out every routine grounder would be akin to letting your two-year-old cook dinner every night; you can do it, but one of these days they are going to burn the house down.

But unlike your toddler, who isn't competing on "Iron Chef," a player running out ground balls, or even fly balls, can put pressure on the defense. If I can time you with a sundial on your way to first, I'm probably not to worried about bobbling the ball or throwing it away in a rush to get you out. Ironically, Reyes is just the type of player who puts this pressure on the defense. Usually.

Let's look at Bonds, Griffey, and Reyes' seasons so far. While they are definitely not your typical players, they are the ones we are discussing here.

Bonds has 294 plate appearances. Of those 294, he has walked 89 times, been hit by a pitch twice, and hit a home run 17 times. He has struck out 33 times. That brings us down to 153 times Bonds has had an opportunity to run when the ball is put in play. Bonds has played in 76 games, so...that gives us just over two times a game (2.01) where Bonds might be asked to carry his fat head at a brisk pace down to first. Too much to ask? I think not.

I won't break down the others all the way, but the numbers for Griffey work out to 2.65 times a game and 3.58 for Reyes. I have both played and watched baseball most of my life and can tell you that the majority of your time on the baseball field is spent standing around. Or sitting on the bench. When the time comes to actually do something when one is playing baseball, I don't think it is being unreasonable to ask the players to get their rear end in motion.

The Professor's Presidential Preview: The Democrats

Here now is the second installment of my 2008 Presidential Preview: The Democrats. In case you missed my preview of the Independents, it's here. There are far fewer Democrats, but some of them are no less wacky. Only one women and four minorities (and no one who qualifies for both) - I doubt the Republicans will fare any better on that front.

Next to each candidate's name I list their current job and where they are from (when known). If you CLICK ON THE PICTURES they are linked to the campaign websites. Since we are now venturing into the "serious" candidates, many of them have extensive views on a wide range of subjects; visiting their websites will give you much more in-depth information than I can provide here. At the bottom of each bio box I've included a bit of info on some of the more interesting aspects on their websites. All of the more prominent candidates seem to have found the same template.

I tried to make this list as comprehensive as possible. Some of the announced candidates do not have websites, which makes it difficult for me to preview anything about them. A few made it in with no website; most did not. All the major candidates have Intros for their sites which ask you to give them money - feel free to cough it up.

A couple websites helped me compile this list; please visit them for more information:

And here they are:

	Bill Richardson (Governor, New Mexico) A minority (Hispanic) - he was born in California but lived in Mexico City until he was 14, when he moved to Massachusetts. Moved to New Mexico in the late 1970's. You can view his site in Spanish if you want (he's fluent). Nice little bio of his wife (Barbara). Since Bill begins the list, he gets the first crack at Iraq...a 7 Point Plan. Fun Time? Plan a "BBQ for Bill" to raise some cash for him: "Host a BBQ and invite your friends to talk about Governor Richardson." Who Boy! If you told me it was gonna be that kinda party... $$$: $7 million, or thereabouts. Bill may cause some waves with the Hispanic vote, but I doubt it. Boring Blue American Flag Banner. I hope this isn't a preview of what's to come.
	James Prattas (Artist?, Hawaii) James asks, "Please take a moment and read this website. Is America worth '30 minutes' of your precious time?" Too bad it would take four hours to read it - his page was loading the entire time it took me to write this. I got as far as, "This site is for enlightened intellectuals," and decided I'd best move on. The only candidate who claims Spartan heritage. Some nuggets of wisdom from James: "This is not some slick $17 Million Madison Avenue political web site." Believe that. "It has been brought to my attention that there is a movement to keep out of the media...candidates as my self from being even listed as candidates on many web sites..." This movement has not reached me yet. I'll let you know. This is the BEST QUOTE and Prattas' 1 point plan for Iraq: "If we can not come to Peace in the Middle East we might as well Nuke the place..." Spoken like a true democrat; Truman would be proud. $$$: Lunch money, if that. If you like bad 'Hawaiian' art and want to see a lot of pictures of James doing not much in particular, check it out.
	Mike Gravel (ex-Senator, Virginia) He lives in Virginia now, but was a Senator from Alaska (1969-81). For some reason he likes to mention he was once a cab driver in New York City . One of the few candidates who lays it out quickly: "[He supports] a national sales tax and abolition of the IRS, immediate withdrawal from the war in Iraq, and a single-payer national health care system, and term limits..." Not much on his wife (Whitney). He focuses more on what's wrong in Iraq than what he gonna do to fix it, but he seems to have at least a 3 point plan. $$$: Around $125K. I think. Another bad Blue American Flag Banner. That's two.
	John Joseph Kennedy (Executive Producer: Tippnary Entertainment Group, Georgia) As if having the last name Kennedy wasn't enough, John J. throws this in his bio: "Mr. Kennedy is the great-great grandson of John D'Arcy Kennedy (Ancient French House of D'Arcy) [of] direct royal descent from King Charlemagne, the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire..." He goes on to mention Joan D'Arc. Not related to the other Kennedy's as far as I can tell. Has a heartbreaking story concerning his sister, who was murdered in Thailand. He's an advocate for a gentleman (Peter Kimber) from Canada who is in prison in Mexico. One interesting idea for a Democrat: "As President I will initiate an ecliptic program to end the prevailing violence in the media, which permeates every aspect of our lives and mind." Maybe he can team up with Tipper. He lists "Fashion Model" under his professional experiences. Hey ladies! He's single. There's a campaign video, but I really wanted to hear the song; too bad the link doesn't work. You can read the lyrics. $$$: His "Latest News" link hasn't been updated since February so it may be safe to say, I don't know, $100? If you click on "Contribute" it takes you to a completely unrelated site. Send him a check. White House American Flag Statue of Liberty
	Joseph Biden (Senator, Deleware) Was this guy running for President in the crib? Seems like he's been a candidate for President since I could vote. God love him, he keeps coming back for more. There is no love lost between Joe and the current administration; some of the most vitriolic attacks you will see on any major candidate's website. He has a 5 point plan for Iraq and this query for the critics, "The question for those who reject this plan is simple: what is your alternative?" Check out Kucinich's freakin' 12 point plan (below) Joe! Did you know? "Right after being elected to the Senate in 1972, his first wife and daughter were killed in a car accident." Jill (his current wife of 30 years) is a schoolteacher. Lives with his Mom too! $$$: Somewhere in the neighborhood of $5 million. Surprise! An American Flag Banner. He didn't choose the washed out blue look though.
	Warren Roderick Ashe (Founder: Jyperonix Astrophysics, Virginia) No photo and no real website, but Warren is too good to pass up. The website I linked to has the same biographical information for him as the info on Project Vote Smart, so I assume it is the same guy. And it is that link which gets him in here. Jyperonix Astrophysics is...well, I'll let Warren explain: "Jyperonix Astrophysics...is a Fortune 500 company at the top of the list. I am involved with time travel communications that are real. And capable of time travel contact throughout history itself." I would assume he's rich, as that sort of technology is probably in high demand and low supply. He goes on with this BEST QUOTE: "I also build flying saucers that are capable of going to another solar system at high warp speed. The time travel transmissions have communicated at least and no less than 500 years into the future. I have used my saucers built by hand at Edgecombe Community College in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. That has already since 1983 taken sperm and DNA into the future. Into the 22nd, 23rd, and 24th centuries. The methods I used are through flux capacitation and wormhole technology." Flux capacitation? I saw Back to the Future - that stuff works! His Iraq plan has to be the best, since he already knows what happens. Hand-crafted flying saucers is a first for any candidate I have previewed. I have questions (as I'm sure we all do) about taking sperm and DNA into the future, but I'm not sure I want them answered. $$$: If you could travel into the future, how rich would you be? Also: President, Marijuana Legilzation Committee, 2000-2007.
	Hillary Clinton (Senator, New York) I think y'all know this gal. I won't say much on her, except to comment on a couple of her more annoying website items. Join "Team Hillary." You can watch her videos on something called "HillCam." Eesh. But that's not as bad as her nickname for fundraisers: "Hillraisers." You can even get some HTML code to raise money for her on your own site. "Be a Hillraiser!" Just get Bill to write another freakin' book Hillary. Her Iraq plan leaves a little to be desired. I'm gonna say it's a 4 point plan. Feel free to argue with that, I really don't care. A Hillary Priority: "Promoting programs, like Home Instruction for Parents of Preschool Youngsters, that provide new parents with support and guidance in caring for their children. As First Lady of Arkansas, she helped bring HIPPY to the U.S." H.I.P.P.Y.? I like how she helped "bring it to the U.S." Where was it before? Eugene, Oregon? $$$: Over $63 million and rising. Faded Blue American Flag Banner #3.
	Barack Obama (Senator, Illinois) You know this guy too. His father is from Kenya, mother is from Kansas, and he was born in Hawaii. You can learn about his wife (Michelle) in a little bio and video clip. Pretty straightforward - go read up on him if you've been living under a rock. He has a great event: a "Women for Obama House Party!" Coming soon to a theater near you! Iraq: 5 point plan. $$$: At least $58 million. Hmmm...He has a logo which shows a white sun rising over a red striped landscape with a blue sky background. Eerily Japanese.
	Randolph Crow (Real Estate?, North Carolina) Another Coat of Arms! Daniel Imperato's is the only other one of those I've seen. Randy has many good quotes; you'll have to check out his extensive 9/11 conspiracy theory yourself. I'll give you a teaser: (The innovative spelling is all Randy) "Experience tells me "Big George's" [41] Shadow Government, New World Order, zion$t$, Omega Agency is up to no good and this evil is responsible for planning and implementing September 11, the war with Iraq, the DC sniper shootings, and many other dirty deeds." 'They' also come after him personally, my BEST QUOTE nominee: "Some people, usually zioni$t$ and communists, as a means of trying to nullify me, have said that I am prejudiced against Jewish people." He goes on to say he really just doesn't like zionism, and "less than half of all Jewish people believe in zionism." Much better. His take on gambling: "Internet gamboling must be stopped because it is theft pure and simple." Dream ticket: Randy Crow and Wayne Allen Root. IRS Alert: "My high standard of living seems to mystify and anger some who can't understand where my money comes." He is against the war in Iraq, though he doesn't appear to have any solutions. In fact, Randy seems to have something against pretty much everybody. Makes for a small base constituency. $$$: I looked...I have no idea. Probably a total in-between the cost of a Big Mac and the Chicago Cubs. Bad Blue American Flag Banner #4.
	John Edwards (Senator, North Carolina) I was hoping John would have something on Ann Coulter and he didn't disappoint me. "Ann Coulter Attacks!" is the headline. His wife's (Elizabeth) battles with cancer are well known, and Coulter accused him of milking the story for sympathy. You can see the video of Coulter on his site. Supposedly he got a big fundraising push from this thing. If your lucky (and rich and live in New Hampshire), Elizabeth may drop by your own "Edwards House Party." Some lengthy discussions of "The Issues," Iraq not being one of them. I'll give him a 3 point plan 'cause I'm feeling generous. Not one to eschew hyperbole, he calls Bush and Cheney "psychopaths" on his blog. He has an interesting page called "Women for Edwards" on which he claims he wants guaranteed health care for "every woman in America." Well, that's half the vote. The bios of he and his wife and daughter are more interesting than most. Best tidbit: one of his daughter Cate's favorite books is Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. Shocker! $$$: Approximately $23 million. A blue/green shooting star?
	Dennis Kucinich (House Member, Ohio) Probably the biggest wing-nut of the major players, Dennis would raze the White House and plant daisies if elected. Wants to ratify no-less than ten international treaties playing fast and free with our national sovereignty. Long discussions of the issues which I'll let you read (a 12 point plan for Iraq). Bio of his wife, Elizabeth. I like the "Impeach Cheney" link, but the best is the "Host a House Party" link. I have no idea how much the stuff costs (you have to register), but you get signs, pins, stickers, and a campaign DVD. I know what I'm doing Friday night! $$$: I'm guessing around $600K. I may be wrong, but then I'm not his accountant. Blue American Flag Banner #5. An American Flag Peace Sign. What decade is it again?
	Lee Mercer (Apparently one of the two Presidents, Texas) He looks sane. Looks can be deceiving. As I read his biography he seemed normal enough, but then it all started to go sideways quickly: "On August 22, 1992, The State of Texas installed an intelligence hotwire in me at the United States Army Military Intelligence Academy Camp." [Before I begin, it seems that everyone is hooked up to something called the "Eye Spy" something-or-other, and that Lee is in charge of the thing. Not that this really clarifies anything...] Here are some highlights: He is running... 9. To prove that every person in the United States and world is hooked up on an Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence... 10. To prove the United States of America has two Governments and they are Government #1 and Government #2 and I own Government # 1... 11. To prove the United States of America has two Presidents and I am one of them. Guess he wants to be both of them... 23. To Prove I have solved every crime in the world as it happens from zero to start to finish for every crime...[this goes with...] 69. I have solved every crime in America and the world for the last 15 years dating back to before Christ. This next one may come as a shock to those of you who know a little about history. Or not. 25. To Prove I will be the 2nd Negro President of the United States of America. 34. To Prove the government owes me Zillions of Dollars in money and is refraining to pay me. I can't decide which of the next two points should be nominated for Best Quote, so they are both in. 49. To Prove the United States Government killed my sex life, my wife sex life, my daughter-in –laws sex life both may sons and other of my family members sex life with Espionage Experimentation and Espionage Exploitation sex killing. 51. To Prove to you citizens you do not know what and how I am suppose to do for you and what and how I am suppose to do for the United States of America’s Government National and International. Good luck with that. 56. To Prove Jeb Bush is all in my house with disease. I hate it when Jeb does that. 67. To Prove these perpetrators are trying to stop me from running for President...They keep killing my mother and our family... I do not want these perpetrators to kill my Mother. He seems to have a legitmate gripe. I wouldn't want them to kill my Mom either. $$$: If he ever gets his hands on the "zillions" of dollars the government owes him, it's all over. Well, except for the voting part. What you see is what you get. I'm exhausted, check it out for yourself.
	Dal LaMagna (Founder: Tweezerman, Washington) "Dal LaMagna is not yet a household name." You're kidding. I like the optimism in the "not yet." Tweezerman is a "Beauty Tool" company which sells stuff like, uh, tweezers. Dal easily wins WORST NICKNAME with that. His main issues seem to be Iraq (apparently he spends a good deal of time there and in Jordan) and presidential appointees. He doesn't have a specific plan for Iraq that I could find, but he appears extremely well informed. He is currently accepting applications for his Campaign Manager; that's a first. Go to his site and apply - some travel may be required (most likely not to Washington D.C.) $$$: His number of online donations is at 25 so again, you do the math. Maybe one of them was Bill Gates. A plain blue banner. No points.
	Albert 'Big Al' Hamburg Sr. (Unknown, Wyoming) Al doesn't have a website, but that picture was too good to pass up. That and this record: Candidate, Governor of Wyoming, 1988, 2006 Candidate, United States President, 2000, 2004 Candidate, United States House of Representatives, 1972-1992, 2004 Candidate, Nebraska, United States Senate, 2000, 2002 Candidate, United States Senate, Wyoming, 1990 Candidate, United States Congress, Wyoming, 1986. Looks like a whole lotta runnin' and not much winning for Big Al. I want more info on his religion: "My own." Word on the street is Al is a convicted felon, so his Presidential bid may be short lived. One report I read said he forged signatures of dead people back in the 1980's to get on the ballot in Wyoming. Too bad for him he doesn't live in Illinois. $$$: How much money do you think Al has in the bank?
	Mr. Gore "Say, have you seen my Oscar?"
	Karl Krueger (Line Haul Driver, South Dakota) Karl says he averages 75 hours a week driving and campaigns on the weekends. Now that's dedication. Seems to me he should be running for the Green Party nomination. Karl is all about energy independence - he founded Energy Initiative and advocates alternative energy solutions. His website has no American Flags or patriotic symbols whatsoever. Instead we get a windmill, a cornfield, and an eighteen wheeler. His Iraq policy is basically a 1 point plan: let Syria, Jordan, Kuwait, and Turkey deal with it. Nice quote: "Please remember, Karl wants you to limit your contributions to $50." Gary Rostad (above) beats him on this front; Gary wants you to limit your contributions to one dollar. $$$: Those pesky limits get in the way of any serious stockpile o' cash. He might buy you lunch if you agree to ride your bike to the Diner. Bombs away! Karl is a life member of the United States Parachute Association.
	Dan Francis (Retired Military, New York) Dan spent many years in the military and speaks Russian, Korean and some Japanese. Of all the 'Off the Beaten Path' candidates, Dan seems to offer a bit more intelligent insight into the issues than most. I recommend you check him out, but as of this writing he's only expounded on 2 of the 12 issues he wants to discuss (Iraq is not on the list). Click on the "Some Solutions" link. Dan has zero friends on his My Space site, which may have something to do with the "Citizen Dan" nickname. Go hook him up! But beware, you have to listen to that Buffalo Springfield song we've all heard a gazzilion times. $$$: Uh...no. His website is truly awful. My Grandma could do better and she hasn't owned a computer her entire life.
	Sal Mohammed (Pharmaceutical Engineering Manager, Iowa) I put Sal on the list because I've seen him on other lists, but after reading his bio I'm not sure he is eligible. He was born in Egypt and became a U.S. citizen in 1983. I may be wrong, but I thought that was the problem with Schwarzenegger (well, that and he's Schwarzenegger). Anyway, Sal claims to be "the only candidate" who can do a bunch of things, but if the following quote is true he's got my vote: "The situation in Iraq is moving from bad to worse with a negative effect on America’s interest in the middle east and the rest of the world. I am the only candidate for president who can reverse this trend. I will be the only president who can convince the Iraqis to stop the violence and lay down their arms." That's a 1 point plan Ladies and Gentleman! Elect Sal! $$$: Go to his website. Now fill in the blank .__¢. A quote and picture of Thomas Edison. Another horrible website, orange and blue.
	Christopher Dodd (Senator, Connecticut) ZZZzzz. I'm tired of these boring candidates. The Independents were much more entertaining. You can join the "Dodd Squad," watch "DTV," and shop in the "Dodd Mart." He has a link to his views on a couple campaign issues including Iraq (a 2 point plan: diplomacy and a timetable) and "National Service," which sounds thrilling. Each of the issues he discusses has a section where you can comment, and many people ask him questions which he never answers. New technology sucks. $$$: Around $9 million believe it or not. I choose not. A faded American Flag banner, #7.
	Michael Forrester (Unknown, Colorado) That picture was too good for me to pass up. He's not actually at the White House. I'm fairly certain that is as close as he's gonna get though. As of this writing, Mr. Forrester has chosen not to respond to my attempts to get him to divulge his current occupation. I say he's a Photoshop genius! His plan for Iraq? Don't look on his website. He has some vanilla views on main topics (education, healthcare, etc.) His bio is extremely sparse with both "History" and "Future Plans...coming soon." I'll be sure to check back. An American Flag. And another American Flag. And another...
And there you have it. I will update the information as it becomes available and, as always, comments on my wonderful analysis are more than welcome. If someone knows a candidate who would like to be included on this list (at their own risk), shoot us an email HERE or just post a comment. In the sagacious words of my Mother: I don't care who you vote for, just vote. Up next: The Republicans!

Who's Now?

Well, Whitey called it, Joey Chestnut shoved more hot dogs in his grill than Kobayashi. I think the final tally was 66-63. I have to admit that I watched this thing, but I had my eyes glued on the numbers in the upper left hand corner of the screen the entire time. Why? Because watching this stuff makes me physically ill. Kobayashi regurgitated his lunch at the end and tried to force it back down. That's it...even writing about this makes my stomach turn.

A couple points. Number one is obviously the change in appearance of our website. We felt a different look was in order, and hope you agree. On to the sporting world. ESPN came up with a new gimmick: Who's Now. It would be best if I quote them on the idea behind this:

Throughout July, "SportsCenter" will air "Who's Now," a daily series in which viewers will help ESPN determine the ultimate sports star by considering both on-field success and off-field buzz.

As of this writing, only three match-ups have been decided. The contestants look like this:

MICHAEL JORDAN BRACKET
July 1: (1) Tiger Woods def. (8) Matt Leinart
July 2: (4) Dwyane Wade def. (5) Shaun White
July 3: (2) LaDainian Tomlinson def. (7) David Beckham
MUHAMMAD ALI BRACKET
July 5: (1) Peyton Manning vs (8) Amanda Beard
July 6: (4) Dale Earnhardt Jr vs (5) Chuck Liddell
July 7: (2) Alex Rodriguez vs (7) Terrell Owens
July 8: (3) Kobe Bryant vs (6) Ronaldinho
BILLIE JEAN KING BRACKET
July 9: (1) LeBron James vs (8) Kelly Slater
July 10: (4) Jeff Gordon vs (5) Barry Bonds
July 11: (2) Derek Jeter vs (7) Sidney Crosby
July 12: (3) Reggie Bush vs (6) Danica Patrick
BABE RUTH BRACKET
July 13: (1) Tom Brady vs (8) David Ortiz
July 14: (4) Maria Sharapova vs (5) Vince Young
July 15: (2) Roger Federer vs (7) Tony Parker
July 16: (3) Shaquille O'Neal vs (6) Michael Phelps

This ain't rocket science: "The winner of each matchup will advance based upon fan voting (70 percent) and ESPN's three-person panel (30 percent). In the first round, the panel consists of Michael Wilbon, Kirk Herbstreit and Keyshawn Johnson." The interesting thing about this is how much weight one wants to give to "off-field buzz." I like to give a whole lot of weight to it, since otherwise the entire point seems ridiculous.

I don't see anyone beating Tiger, but I'll comment on the results thus far. Shaun White should have beaten Dwayne Wade. Wade may have won a championship, but I've seen White in a Hewlett-Packard and an American Express ad while Wade has been a shill for some car company (I can't even remember which one). Oh yeah, he's in some ad with Charles Barkley too (cell phones I believe). Not good enough; I'll bet White actually gets results. David Beckham should have been a no-brainer. I don't think I'd recognize LaDainian Tomlinson unless he was wearing his helmet. Beckham can't even walk down the street in most of the free (and not-so-free) world without stopping traffic. I have no idea who Chuck Liddell or Sidney Crosby are. I have heard of Kelly Slater, but don't ask me how. Here is who the final four should be:

1. Tiger Woods
   
2. Peyton Manning (maybe Dale Jr.)
   
3. Lebron James (maybe Jeff Gordon)
   
4. Maria Sharapova

Amanda Beard baring all for Playboy got her the desired result: she's in the field. I have no idea how Vince Young made it in. Or Matt Leinart (dating history?). You don't have to wait three weeks for the results here...

Conflicting Numbers?

I have always considered ESPN to be a good gauge of sports fans in their polls. That said, as I was checking on anything but the stupidity that is the IFOCE (the International Federation of Competitive Eating for those of us that use our opposing thumbs, and a fork to eat), I saw a poll that made me think. On Wednesday 4 July at 1300, I clicked on the web page and there was a poll asking what Barry Bonds' Legacy would be. Alleged steroid user or All Time Home Run Champion? I took my stand on Barry in an earlier post, so I voted pro Barry.

At last check he was voted into starting line up of the 2007 All-Star Game in a flurry of on line fan voting. Fans vote for the starting 8 and the players add another 8 fielders and pitchers. With the managers selecting the rest of the team, I would think Bonds overtaking Alfonso Soriano in the last few days of fan voting would reflectin the poll on ESPN. Not so much. Roughly 70% voted him as an alleged steroid user. If 70% of the 40,000 people who took the poll think he used steroids, why is he starting the All Star Game? Sports fans are just people like everyone else, so where is the disconnect? If this is what is thought of Bonds, why will he be standing in the outfield on Tuesday with the beloved Junior Griffey? If 70% of fans think he is dirty, where did the votes come from?

I understand that this is a small portion of the fan vote represented in the poll, but come on. I didn't vote on the All Star Team, so I can't complain about who will be out there; it really doesn't matter to me. It's an exhibition. I think he was doing something to make his shoe size, hat size, and body swell, but so do most people. He has been convicted in the public without any positive test, yet he is starting. I would not have voted for Bonds for the All Star Game, because this year he is not one of the three best - or eight for that matter - outfielders in the NL, but he is going to be the All-Time Home Run Champion.


Professor's Note: I tried to find the poll Whitey is talking about to no avail. So we made our own:

Loyal Fans?

Well ladies, and gentlemen I'm not making this up. Just a few weeks ago I was in the 513; Cincinnati, Ohio. I went to see the Professor for our annual dose of the College World Series, and the Cleveland Indians were in town playing the Reds at Great American Ballpark (GABP). We went to 2 of the 3 games. The first night game was the debut of Homer Bailey, and the other was a Sunday day game in which the Red outlasted the Indians in a great pitching duel, winning in 11 innings. I got to see friends, have a few beers, and watch baseball in one of the best venues I've graced with my presence. Every seat is a good one. We ate at The Montgomery Inn, which Whitey gives two thumbs up. If you're in town, you gotta go.

This morning, as I was perusing the world in which we live, I fell upon this story of a 6'8" gentleman who apparently broke part of his seat away inside GABP and got all the way outside the stadium before being apprehended. In broad daylight. That's right, 4:15 in the afternoon and this cat, Brad Hosler, just pulls up stakes and walks out with the seat like it's his beach chair. Only in Cincinnati. I know the Reds are not very good right now, but this takes the statement, "I'm taking my toys and going home!" to a new level. And the kicker....he showed up at the courthouse in a Reds t-shirt.

The Reds' New Pitcher

Whitey claims this pitch is illegal; I think he's just jealous. I couldn't resist - I found it here so go check him out.

Maybe if Jerry Narron had found this dude a couple weeks ago he might still have a job.

Whitey's Take On Bonds

There seems to be a disagreement amongst the baseball analysts on Barry Bonds. I've heard everybody and his brother tell us what they think Barry has done. Clear, cream, 'roids, whatever you have heard, he has never tested positive for any of them. In this country you're supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. People come down on one side or the other; this is where I come down on Barry Bonds.

When I look at Barry Bonds' full body of work I think he's one of, if not the best, hitters in baseball history. Barry went 13 seasons (1992-2004) hitting at least 33 home runs. During this time he had a batting average below .300 only three times. Only in his rookie year did he strike out over 100 times, averaging less than 70 per year over his entire career. So as baseball statistics go, he's pretty good. With his father, Bobby Bonds, a cousin in one Reggie Jackson, and a godfather in Willy Mays you could say he has good baseball genes.

The thing that raises my eyebrow, as well as other's, is that 2001 season where he hit 73 bombs. He spiked that one year from the high 40's, hit 73, and then back to the high 40's. His stats for that year are gaudy. From 2002 until his injury plagued 2005 season he was intentionally walked 249 times. So that said, it's a legitimate argument to say he was doing something. What? I don't know.

What I do know is that he has the best eye hand coordination that the game has ever seen. Hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in sports, by far. There is nothing that can make your eyes better at picking up a 90 mph, two seam fastball traveling less than 60 ft. If there were, somebody would be selling it on an infomercial. That's skill, and Barry is the best at it.

I've heard this line countless times: "That ball was just foul." It's not when Bonds is at-bat. He keeps his hands in and drives the ball. Just ask the pitcher he has the most homers off: Greg Maddux. Maddux has a pitch that cuts back over the plate on the inside corner, under the hands of the left hand hitters. Granted, they have both been around a while, and they've been in the same league all their careers - but still - the hitter that can keep that pitch fair has great hands. Maddux has lived and died with that pitch. I would know, I'm a big fan. So for me to invoke Maddux to defend Bonds will spin a few heads. Most likely the Professor's.