The Professor Strikes Back!

Another blatant attempt to besmirch the good name of Professors. It is a well known fact that Professor Plum "did it" 42% more often than anyone else in the game!

It appears the walls are closing in on my kind.

John Collins, a University of New Hampshire Professor (and department chair!), was coerced into surrendering to campus police this past week. Collins "was charged with disorderly conduct and stalking for comments he allegedly made against - but not directly to - a colleague." [SOURCE]

Outrageous! Stacie Sower (a lowly Associate Dean) asked for, and got, a restraining order against the good Professor Collins. Peeved about a parking ticket he received - obviously someone else's fault - Collins accurately focused his rage on Sower although she claimed, "I was not responsible for his ticket."

Likely story. Sowers' yarn claims Collins "ranted and "raved" against her, making expert use of "profane language" while he kicked a garbage can. She was not present for this, however two colleagues claimed he:

"...continued speaking badly of her in the elevator." She says the two colleagues told her that Collins said, "I am going to kill her" and repeated it "several times."

This is an obvious fabrication; everyone knows Professors take the stairs. She went on:

"John Collins is an extremely angry man [That's PROFESSOR John Collins]. I do not feel safe in my office or labs [on campus]. I do not feel safe for my students in their office or labs. I feel very threatened, and I am scared of what he could do to me or my students."

The article points out that Sowers also referenced "other incidents," but did not elaborate, then quotes her saying this:

"John has previously displayed extreme bouts of anger resulting in a broken Xerox and people feeling threatened - thrown chairs, books, etc."

That seems fairly elaborate to me. And slanderous. Books and chairs are just begging to be projectiles, and Xerox machines? Don't get me started. Toward the end of the article UNH Deputy Police Chief Paul Dean gives us some insight into the Professor's actions:

"One of the most difficult things we face down there is a sufficient amount of parking for everyone who wants to park," he said.

Well, that explains everything. Some of you may wonder why the Professor got a bit upset over a $50 parking ticket, choosing instead to pay $2500 in bail. I'm here to answer that query.

Like Dick Cheney mistaking his hunting buddy for a bird, these things happen. To hold Professors accountable for all their actions is patently preposterous. Our motives are simply beyond the comprehension of the plebeian masses. Sometime soon I assure you that my brethren and I will band together in order to combat this blatant prejudice against our kind. I will continue to monitor the situation and provide updates as warranted. The warning shot has been fired! Professors everywhere unite!