The British on the British

Rather than have me explain the third round of the British Open, I find it much more interesting to let the Brits do it themselves. The following excerpts are from The Times - no London necessary.

Discussing Sergio Garcia:

Not even the lowest round ever in an Open at the Scottish links, or being clearly troubled when he injured someone with a wayward shot just as Tiger Woods had done earlier in the day, could knock the 27-year-old Spaniard off course.

When you hook a ball off someone's skull, that's referred to as a "wayward shot." And I thought I had run-on sentences. Please take notes...

American Steve Stricker was the player to post a marvellous seven under par 64, one off the lowest round in any major, but he did it from seven strokes back at halfway.

A "marvellous" 64. Seven strokes back at "halfway?" At the turn? After two rounds?

And Garcia was in no mood to lose the grip he had established with his opening 65 on Thursday.

Woods, who came with high hopes of becoming the first player since Peter Thomson in 1956 to record a hat-trick of Claret Jugs, is eight adrift and "only" joint 15th after a 69.

"Cast a line there, Ishmael! We're 'eight adrift'! "Garcia was in no mood to lose the grip...?" Yeah, he was more in the mood to target the gallery. And what is "joint 15th?" C'mon, speak English!

On the incident at the 17th involving a scoreboard operator [Garcia] commented: "You never want that to happen. When you see the person lying down it's not a good feeling, but fortunately I was able to shake his hand and he said 'I'm fine'.

"He was a little shaken up, but I managed to save a great four."

I like this quote for two reasons. One: plunking a scoreboard operator is an "incident" (or a wayward shot). And two: never one to lose sight of the important things, Garcia reminds us he made par.

Every one of them will wake up hoping for something akin to 1999 when Lawrie, retrieved a 10-shot deficit, three of them when Jean Van de Velde triple-bogeyed the last when three clear.

These Brits play fast and loose with a language they purportedly bequeathed to us. I'll have to remind Whitey next time we're, well, slapping whitey around, that he needs to "retrieve" the 10-shot deficit he'll be facing since I will certainly be ten "clear." I think. Where's my translator...

Only four years ago, remember, Thomas Bjorn was three ahead with four to play at Sandwich and could not complete the job.

"Could not complete the job." Phil Mickelson would like his efforts referred to as kindly.

This is Garcia's first trip to Carnoustie since that unforgettable - much though he might prefer to - experience when he was just 19, but already the Irish Open champion.Garcia had horror rounds of 89 and 83 for a 30 over par aggregate...

Tell me you understood that first sentence the first time you read it. Liar. "30 over par aggregate?" Close the thesaurus Jeeves...

Never has he had such an opportunity as this, though, to break through into the major winners' enclosure at long last and follow in the footsteps of compatriots Seve Ballesteros and Jose Maria Olazabal.

Ballesteros announced his retirement on Monday and on Tuesday Olazabal pulled out because of a knee injury. Garcia was not quite left on his own to fly the Spanish flag - Miguel Angel Jimenez was joint third at halfway - but maybe he sensed that this was his moment to step forward and show in a major the talent he has displayed in all four Ryder Cups he has now played.

"Step aside Tiger, I'm on my way to the winners' enclosure!" This quote also has that nationalistic flavor one finds everywhere - except in the U.S. They mentioned on ESPN that Sergio was wearing the colors of the Spanish flag today. When was last time time you heard Tiger's traditional Sunday red referred to as 'American Red.' This same article mentions that no European has won a major since 1999. So, how is it they consistently destroy us in the Ryder Cup?

Woods, joint 20th at halfway, could do no better than join Edberg and Rose and a 69 was certainly not what he was hoping for.

The round included laying out a woman on the sixth when his wild second shot hit her on the head, but there were also four birdies and his fighting qualities enabled him to play the last eight in one under to keep his hopes alive.

Any quote that mentions "laying out a woman on the sixth" is gonna make it my post. For her troubles she got an autographed golf glove - and two stitches in her dome.

Two ahead both after his first day 65 and his Friday 71, Garcia had resumed with a 18-foot putt and then reeled off six pars in a row before a glorious iron to 10 feet gave him another birdie. The most worrying moment after that came when he pulled his second to the 17th. It might have gone in the gorse, but instead struck a photographer, who like the woman Woods had hit required medical attention...Garcia hit a marvellous chip to two feet and then two mighty irons onto the final green to the cheers of the crowd.

A "glorious iron...marvellous chip...and two mighty irons!" Hyperbole? Not on your life. I have no idea who, what, or where the "gorse" is, but it doesn't sound good.

I can hear Whitey now: "Argggh! In the gorse again!"

One Step Beyond?

This morning, as I was watching the British Open, I saw a commercial which is not out of the ordinary. The scene starts out with the sight of cowboy boots walking around a city scape. Music lightly playing in the background. As the commercial continues, I see the familiar Geico Cavemen walking down the street. I'm thinking this is a new installment of the "Caveman" campaign, but I was sorely mistaken.

Apparently ABC has inked the creators of the show "Third Rock From The Sun" to a seven figure deal to create a new show in which the Cavemen live in Atlanta. Come on, the MARTA (Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) will eat a marathon runner for an appetizer. How can HOTLANTA live up to the hype? Are they going to catch a foul ball at Turner Field? Maybe drop by Vick's Atlanta pad for a cock fight? I loved the commercials when they first came out, and the song from the airport scene is always in my head, but this is "jumping the shark" before you even start.

I will give it a spin in the fall to see if it explains the missing link; but there better not be a Seinfeld rerun on.

Quick Update

Your fearless correspondent, me, is currently turning big rocks into smaller rocks compiling the final installment of The Professor's Presidential Preview: The Republicans. Due to that time consuming venture, I give you quickly what I would be discussing were I not knee deep in the G.O.P:

The ongoing saga of Mr. Vick, which is destined to plague us for quite some time. I enjoyed Nike's press release which stated they were...

concerned by the serious and highly disturbing allegations made against Michael Vick, and we consider any cruelty to animals inhumane and abhorrent. We do believe that Michael Vick should be afforded the same due process as any citizen; therefore, we have not terminated our relationship.[SOURCE]

But they ain't releasing version five of his shoe anytime soon. As expected, PETA is not in the least bit amused.



As good as this stuff looks, I'd advise against eating any:

The Food and Drug Administration Wednesday July 18 issued a warning to advise consumers not to eat some brands of chili sauces made during a specific period by the Castleberry Food Company based in Augusta,Georgia due to concerns about possible botulism contamination.[SOURCE]

For those of you not up to date on your various nerve toxins, botulism causes paralysis of the respiratory system, muscles, or more likely, both. Don't eat this stuff. Ever.



They "solved" checkers. Actually 200 computers did it...over thirteen freakin' years. When they get around to solving Hungry Hungry Hippos, it's The Matrix for all of us.








Some NBA ref is gonna get hosed by the FBI for fixing basketball games. Shocker? Not really. It goes a long way toward explaining why the "rules" in the NBA seem to be sporadically applied.





There's more, but Mitt Romney is calling my name. At least I think that's Mitt...could be an angel handing out golden plates. Tough to say. Calling Whitey!

Rodionova and The Milton Bradley School of Fan Relations

Controversy! Intrigue! Hecklers! Balls hitting off walls! A night in the life of the Reds' bullpen you say?

Nope. This is the Western & Southern Women's Open, where it seems the three women who actually attended the match between Anastasia Rodionova and Angelique Kerber played their own version of serve and volley - between Rodionova's ears.

For only the second time in the the 34-year history of the Women's Tennis Association, a player was not-so-kindly asked to pack their gear and head for the showers mid-match (more on the first time later). [SOURCE] Chair umpire Yvette Kahn, in consultation with tournament referee William Coffey, told Rodionova to take a hike after she rocketed a ball off the wall underneath three fans in the stands (Rodionova appears to be pointing to the spot on the wall in the picture).

At the time the two were tied at two sets apiece and Rodionova had just lost the first game of the third set. Apparently these three women were Kerber fans and had been heckling Rodionova somewhat mercilessly. They were warned by Kahn late in the second set when they cheered midpoint (gasp!), which is against tennis etiquette. Kahn issued a public-address warning to the crowd not to cheer during play.

First of all, who the hell is a Kerber fan? For that matter, who the hell is Kerber? Or Rodionova? These two are ranked 73rd and 78th in the world. I'd assume these three knucklehead fans are either related to Kerber or were half drunk on mimosas at the time. Either way, you gotta love it.

"If you're afraid of the ball, then don't sit in the front row," said Rodionova. I agree. If you're going to dish out some grade-D comments to players in an near-empty stadium, don't be suprised when they fire the felt sphere in your direction. It will be interesting to see the reception Rodionova gets when she plays in the doubles competition, in which it seems she will still be allowed to compete. I might have to make the trip up north for that.

The first time a player was, as they say, "defaulted?" Romania's Irina Spirlea when she made use of some colorful language while addressing an official in the Palmero tournament in 1996. However, this isn't the crowning jewel in Spirlea's tiara.

During a changeover in the semifinals of the 1997 U.S. Open,

Spirlea intentionally collided with [Venus] Williams, not only bumping into her, but kneeing her in the leg near the net post while changing ends. Spirlea went on to lose the match 6-7(5), 6-4, 6-7(7). Williams' father blamed Spirlea's racism as the cause of the collision. Spirlea cited Williams' arrogance, saying in a press conference following the match, "I'm not going to move. She never tries to turn" and "She thinks she's the fucking Venus Williams."[SOURCE]

Give me more of that type of etiquette and I'll book my seat in the front row right now! I'll be sure to bring my glove and remember not to hail the beer vendor mid-point. Maybe.

In case you are curious, Milton Bradley's moment in the shade.

Big Guys Don't Float

This is as close as fat guys should get their boat to water. To wit:

A 500-pound man injured while rafting down a shallow stretch of the St. Croix River was pulled to safety Tuesday by dozens of rescue workers who spent hours carrying him to a navigable part of the waterway.[SOURCE]

I am not one to make fun of over-weight people, but here's what I will say: There are certain activities that probably should be considered "dangerous," or even "off-limits," to particular segments of the population.

It took authorities 12 hours to rescue Martin Rike after his inflatable raft hit some rocks and deflated in about 2 inches of water. Apparently, he tried to walk to shore and injured himself and was thus unable to get to safety. Chief Deputy Steve Ovick said, "The aircraft that found him said they could not lift that amount of weight."

Eventually 40-50 people used an aluminum boat as a stretcher and carried this guy two inches at a time until they could float him down river to a waiting ambulance.

This sort of thing happens every once in a while, where someone gets stuck or injured somewhere they probably shouldn't be. Sometimes it ends in tragedy (James Kim, in Oregon, who tried to walk through the snow to get help for his family stuck in a car), almost superhuman resolve (Aron Ralston, who cut off his arm to free himself from a boulder), or a massive rescue effort (remember "Baby Jessica," who was pulled from a well in Texas after 58 hours).

Mr. Rike said he went on the rafting trip due to his doctor's advice to take up "a fun but safe activity." While it is impossible to plan for every contingency in situations such as this, it is possible to imagine a not-so-far-fetched scenario where this would probably not be a good idea. Like the scenario which actually occurred.

Kudos to those who rescued Rike, who obviously put forth a herculean effort to do so. Unlike some of the other examples above, it seems Rike could have easily avoided putting himself in this position. Just like I should not attempt to swim the English Channel tomorrow - we all have our limitations - maybe rafting shouldn't be considered "a fun but safe activity."

Lancer Leap?

Big things are happening at Longwood University in Farmville, Va. As of September 1, 2007 the Lancers will be competing at the D-1 level.

As the Professor will attest, I'm a huge Michael Tucker fan [Professor's Note: I will attest]. He played ball with a friend of mine at the Wood. My favorite memory was watching a simulated game in the Fall of 1990.

My friend (Wee-Wee) and I were watching as a southpaw was throwing to Tucker. Beyond the fence in right field is a graveyard. Tuck took the guy over the fence and half way to the gates of hell. He crushed the ball and we crushed the lefty. As the simulated game continued my friend, a righty, started to throw. Tuck took him yard over the left field fence, across the street and into the Mini-Mart parking lot. The guy could swing.

Tucker was drafted 10th overall by the Kansas City Royal in 1992 and has played 12+ seasons in the Bigs. He is now in Pawtucket, playing with the AAA Red Sox. I'm hoping to get together with Wee-Wee and Tuck and throw back a few - maybe even joke Wee-Wee for that bomb. I do it mostly because I never had to face Tucker; I have been taken yard, but not by a guy that has been in the SHOW.

UC Davis and Northern Colorado will also make the move to D-1. Welcome to where the big boys play. See you in Omaha?

Vick's Bad Newz

At 8:07 this evening, ESPN.com dropped this pearl on us:

...[Michael] Vick is unlikely to be indicted in the dogfighting federal investigation, according to information gathered by the NFL and Atlanta Falcons, sources tell ESPN's Chris Mortensen. The authorities have told the Falcons and league that there has not been any evidence that can be tied to Vick with the alleged dogfighting ring, the sources said.[SOURCE]

Sooo close to resembling reality...

Michael Vick was indicted by a federal grand jury Tuesday on charges of sponsoring a dogfighting operation so grisly the losers either died in the pit or sometimes were electrocuted, drowned, hanged or shot.[SOURCE]

I wouldn't put those "sources" on speed dial Mort.

Whitey discussed Mr. Vick's troubles in an earlier post, referencing the strange fact that the Feds got involved. Let me first start by saying that Vick has only been indicted. As the famous saying goes, any prosecutor worth his salt could get a grand jury to "indict a ham sandwich." That said, let's look at some of the fine points of the indictment, which you can find in its entirety at The Smoking Gun.

There are four 'gentlemen' named: Purnell ("P. Funk") Peace, Quanis ("Q") Phillips, Tony ("T") Taylor, and Michael ("Ookie") Vick. No, there is not a charge in the indictment: "Gross Abuse in the Application of Nicknames."

Sometime in 2001, after Vick bought a house in Smithfield, Virginia, these four bought 26 pit bulls from locales up and down the East coast. Nowhere in the indictment does it mention them setting up an animal shelter, but it does mention the establishment of "Bad Newz Kennels." They even made some gear (shirts, headbands, etc.) to advertise their new venture. Other kennels named (in case you thought this behavior was isolated): "Show Biz Kennels","D.C. Kennels", and "Hard Core Kennels."

In early 2002 after one of their pit bulls fared poorly in a fight, P. Funk shot it in the head with a .22. This was to be a pattern: at least 4 more dogs were allegedly shot (and two electrocuted) by this crew. The indictment lists a string of fights between dogs of Vick's crew and other dogs, who came from as far away as Alabama, Florida, Texas, and New York. One has to remember that in each of the fights, when the indictment claims that one dog "prevailed," more often than not that probably means the other dog was killed in the fight or put down afterwards for disappointing its owner or due to injuries sustained.

The most damning aspect I found was toward the end of the indictment:

On or about April 2007, PEACE, PHILLIPS, and VICK executed approximately 8 dogs that did not perform well in "testing" [fighting trial runs]...by various methods, including hanging, drowning, and slamming at least one dog's body to the ground."[SOURCE]

There is more but I think you get the point.

The typical defenses for this behavior that I have heard are:
A) Dog fighting is part of a culture or,
B) Well, they didn't murder anyone.

There will probably be many more excuses thrown out with everyone pointing fingers at everybody else. Truth be told there IS no excuse for this type of behavior. Hopefully all involved will be locked in a little cage of their own for a long time. Unfortunately, Vick's cage will probably be located under the lights of the Georgia Dome.

Ducks on the pond?

I for one am glad to see that the University of Oregon Ducks will be back on the NCAA diamond in 2009. On Friday the 13th, the UO web page had an article confirming the story. It has been nearly 30 years since the Ducks where on the pond.

Baseball was brought to the Pacific Woodlands in 1877, a year after the founding if the University. In 1981 the team was relegated to a club sport. Prior to the '81 season, the Ducks had won the PAC-10 14 times. Until Friday, they were the only PAC-10 school without a baseball program. The Ducks have an aggressive plan to hire a national coach by the fall ( a tough feat in, and of itself) and field the team in '09.

With the Oregon State Beavers ruling the Pacific Northwest and College Baseball for the past two years, we will see a new program emerge from the Beaver State. The Ducks will need a few years to build up the program, but I say we give it up to the Ducks for getting back in the game. PLAY BALL!

Get Big Donkey Deal Dunn

Listening to Lance McAlister today I hear the new rumor concerning Adam Dunn is sending him to Minnesota for one of their pitching prospects. The rumor claims the Twins need some power because outside Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer, and Torii Hunter, Dunn has more homers than the rest of the Twins combined.

The Twins are in it - five and a half back in both the division and the Wild Card (chasing the Indians or the Tigers most likely). The latest name thrown into the mix is Kevin Slowey, a 6'3'' 23-year-old right hander who has been up and down for the Twins this year.

If the Reds could do this, they should do it yesterday. Dunn has 25 HR's, but the Reds are 9-14 in games in which he has homered. He has more than one RBI in a game in which he did not homer only once (June 14). Yep, the Reds lost that one too. While the Reds' woes are by no means all Dunn's fault (it would help if the 8th inning call to the bullpen produced more than a batting tee), I think it is fairly apparent that the Reds could use the $10 mil they pay the Big Donkey in, shall we say, more winning ways...

Mr. Cody Paul

I found this through My Space, but I originally saw it on Kissing Suzy Kolber. There appears to be a whole slew of credits for it, so I'm not sure who is responsible for putting the thing together.

Regardless, this kid is the real deal. I think he is all of eight years old and already has his own freakin' highlight reel. For good reason. He'll be paying Ma and Pa's mortgage in no time...

Hey Maggie

Upon leaving for my "Farm Trip," I stopped by a friend's home to drop off some hard pears. Maggie runs the Hotel in town and is as sweet as she could be. She redefines the term compassion. A few of the people that stay there are a tad kooky, but she treats them all with the utmost respect. She goes above and beyond what most would do - without complaining. I especially like her dog "Scooby-Doo." He'll eat anything. She gets him four hamburgers every Friday and he eats them like it is his job!

We have struck up a dialogue about the history of the building she manages; she knows more about it than people who have lived in town for 65 years. I hope to find some more information about it for another time.

She wasn't home so I left her bag of pears on the front stoop and drove off, only to see her walking down the street. I pulled up beside her, told her what I had done, and that I was on my way. We exchanged pleasantries and she said she had checked out the web site, and got a good laugh. I said, "Thank you," and that's when it hit me.


She needs to get out of here. She spends all of her energy taking care of other peoples troubles while neglecting her own. Telling someone that they belong somewhere better is always hard, because more often than not you come off as sanctimonious or preachy.

In this case, I don't feel that way. As much as I would miss her, I feel she needs to concentrate more on taking care of the most important person in her life...HER. She and a friend visited a spa a few months back and she still grins when she speaks about it. She said her mind was stimulated by the interaction. At the hotel people are from all walks of life and continually coming and going , but they're not allowing her talents, or intellect, to grow and prosper.

So Maggie: pick up your bed and get out of town. That world of things you said you would like to see in your life? Start today.

This Ain't Now

A quick update on what is fast becoming the most annoying aspect of Sportscenter: Who's Now. Uh, is it "...not your typical bracket?" Is Muhammed Ali "the Greatest of All-Time?" Do Michael Wilbon, Kirk Herbstreit, and Keyshawn Johnson have anything, and I mean ANYTHING, interesting to say?

I'm not sure what irks me more: than inane chatter between these three and Stuart Scott or the intentionally over dramatic female voice-over during each athlete's highlights. Here's a typical moment: when discussing Vince Young and Maria Sharapova, Stuart Scott opines, "...but he won six games in a row!" Wow, Stuart. Six? In a row? Was he a rookie too? Johnson consistently makes extremely astute comments like, "NASCAR is up-and-coming." Stop the presses!

The absurdity of this exercise became all too apparent in the closest vote yet, when LaDainian Tomlinson beat David Beckham. Beckham could have retired three years ago and still should have beat Tomlinson. Like I said a previous post, I don't think I'd recognize Tomlinson begging for nickels on the street corner unless he was wearing a helmet.

Here's how it looks now if, unlike me, you care:

MICHAEL JORDAN REGION
July 1: (1) Tiger Woods def. (8) Matt Leinart (90% - 10%)
July 2: (4) Dwyane Wade def. (5) Shaun White (73% - 27%)
July 3: (2) LaDainian Tomlinson def. (7) David Beckham (50.8% - 49.2)
July 4: (3) Steve Nash def. (6) Serena Williams (57% - 43%)

MUHAMMAD ALI REGION
July 5: (1) Peyton Manning def. (8) Amanda Beard (80.5% - 19.5%)
July 6: (4) Dale Earnhardt Jr. def. (5) Chuck Liddell (61.7% - 38.3%)
July 7: (2) Alex Rodriguez def. (7) Terrell Owens (67.5% - 32.5%)
July 8: (3) Kobe Bryant def. (6) Ronaldinho (60.8% - 39.2%)

BILLIE JEAN KING REGION
July 9: (1) LeBron James def. (8) Kelly Slater (84.4 % - 15.6%)
July 10: (4) Jeff Gordon def. (5) Barry Bonds (62.2% - 37.8%)
July 11: (2) Derek Jeter def. (7) Sidney Crosby (63.8% - 36.2%)
July 12: (3) Reggie Bush def. (6) Danica Patrick (72.5% - 27.5%)

BABE RUTH REGION
July 13: (1) Tom Brady def. (8) David Ortiz (66.1% - 33.9%)
July 14: (4) Maria Sharapova def. (5) Vince Young (60% - 40%)
July 15: (2) Roger Federer vs (7) Tony Parker
July 16: (3) Shaquille O'Neal vs (6) Michael Phelps

Straight chalk. Tune in and be bored to tears or do what I do: Change the channel during this tripe. In case you were wondering who is going to win, let me be the one to tell you (Caution: Spoiler ahead). Tiger Woods. Matt Leinart must have cajoled every one of his purported girlfriends to vote for him in order to tally even 10% in that match-up.

Guess who's back?

There is no way to invoke Rickey like Rickey. After being hired as the new hitting coach of the New York Mets, this is how the press conference went (or should have gone). I hope it brings you a little smile, just knowing Rickey is back in baseball.

I was hoping to pick him up on my Fantasy team but alas, he is just coaching. My favorite story of Rickey being Rickey was back when Harold Reynolds won the stolen base title in 1987 with 60, making him the only player in the 1980's to win the award in the American League other than Rickey. Reynolds described it on an airing of Baseball Tonight. HR said he got back to his house after receiving the award and pushed the button on the answering machine. A voice said, "Rickey had 60 at the break." Then it was just a click. Gone faster than taking off for second.

As he would more than willingly remind you: Rickey is the best. Welcome back.

For the top 25 Rickey stories, check THIS out.

Cuban Embargo?

Back in 2002, Jerry Riensdorf of Chicago fame told David Stern that Mark Cuban would be a problem for the NBA. I heard this on Mike & Mike in the Morning coming out of the mouth of Hall Of Fame Baseball writer Peter Gammons. Speaking of Mr. Gammons, I for one am so glad to see him back in good health. Gammons said yesterday in an radio interview that Mark Cuban has put in his bid to buy the Cubbies. Chicago is a great town, and the Wrigley faithful deserve a winner. They have gone out and gotten a good crop of guys to make a run at a pennant in the next 2-3 years. Sweet Lou has brought a fighting attitude to the Northside, as seen in their turn around after his tantrum last month. However, he is the manager, not the owner.

Mark Cuban is a great owner from the player's accounts in Dallas. He gets them the things they need to play the best they can; but it hasn't translated into a championship. That said, he is a sore loser. He is actually suing Don Nelson for having inside information on his team. After the Golden State Warriors beat the Mavericks in the playoffs, I think the phrase that caught my ear was 'Nelson knows Dirks tendencies.' My 7 year old nephew knows Dirk can only go to his left! That is not inside information, that comes from coaching him - Nelson is the former coach in Dallas.

Cuban wears "Stern University" shirts, sits down by the floor, and barks at every call. He sends game tape on a regular basis to Stern for review. He gets fines for these shenanigans, and couldn't care less. That kind of thing works in the NBA, but if you think that the Baseball Ownership hasn't been taking all this in you're crazy. Cuban would have a better chance to win the Presidency than get into this 'Ole Boys Club. Just what MLB needs, a guy that sends in tape of pitches he thinks were called wrong. Over an 162 game schedule, he will have tape flowing out of the Commissioner's office all the way to the South Pole.

MLB Owners are a tight group when it comes to who owns a team; money doesn't really do all the talking in buying a team. The owners vote on who gets a team, as well as the commissioner. Once you own it, you can spend like a Pharaoh building an empire. Stienbrenner sits in his sky box, Turner sits behind the screen. You own it you can sit where you want, but you can't sit behind the ump and squawk about balls and strikes.

That is what Cuban would do. I can't see a tiger changing his stripes. With all of the complexity of baseball's inner workings on the field, like strikes, balls, outs, fair, foul, and don't forget sign stealing; Cuban would spend his entire bankroll funding a counter conspiracy department in the halls of Wrigley Field. MLB doesn't need a whiner, and they don't need Cuban.