At least they HAVE a Top Ten...

Sports Illustrated has come out with an All-Time Ohio State top ten athlete list.

THAT GUY--->

beat

<---THIS GUY

All Stars?

Watching the All Star game was nightmare. The problem I have with it is this: they don't play with the fundamentals, they play for the individual. The game is for home field advantage in the World Series. With the win the other night, the American League will host and have the first two games at home, four of the seven in their home park. Big advantage, but everyone didn't play as if that were the case.

I love Junior, but if A-Rod didn't stroll home, I think he makes it. In the Bonds' at-bats, he failed to advance Reyes to third. He was trying to score 5 runs with one swing. Ichiro, what can you say? He hustled and got a lucky bounce. It happens.

The National League left 18 men on base to the AL's 10. The NL left 5 on with two outs to the AL's 2. The NL struck out 9 times to the AL's 1. That is damning. That's what I mean by fundamentals. If you don't move the man over with a gaping hole on the left side, you failed. If you have the guy in scoring position you have to get the ball in play, not strike out. I'm not saying that this doesn't happen, failure is part of the game. A guy hitting .333 fails 7 out of 10 at-bats. He is considered an All Star caliber player.

The question is if the game matters, why are you playing like it doesn't? Or better yet; Should it matter? The NBA, NHL, and NFL (not counting the Super Bowl) as well as most organized sports in the world give home field advantage to the best record. They freely admit that their All Star games are for fun. Go ahead, take the shot when your not open, or don't play defense. Jog, I don't care. It doesn't mean anything, and there is a clock that can stop the madness. Which is not the case in baseball - only outs.

Weird sport this thing we call baseball. There is no time limit, and the Defense controls the ball. You can't ignore the ball, because you would never get the outs to get off the field. You have to throw strikes, or you walk guys around the bases, and no one but you can stop the madness. You have to play the game. If your going to play the game, at least play to win. That said, the All Star game wasn't played to win, but for the individual, which is the thing that baseball doesn't have.

Evil Potter Plots Satanic Seduction...

Here we go again...I've never read the books, so I have no right to be overly judgmental. I have seen some of the movies, though I'd be hard pressed to tell you which ones. They're alright. I suppose this is a new generation's Star Wars - without any of the cool characters. Harry Potter seems as intriguing as butter. What's the point again? Save magic school? At least Luke was trying to save the galaxy.

I do have to commend Rowling on her ability to get millions of people (I would say kids but I know better) to stand in line waiting for a book. My friends and I didn't line up outside the local Barnes and Noble waiting for the new Judy Blume tome (Superfudgier!).

What I like most about Harry is he brings out the best in those obsessed with raising other people's children. Like Steve Wohlberg, who says:

In the midst of fun and fantasy, J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels make witchcraft appear cool and exciting, especially to teenagers. It doesn’t matter that these novels are only “fictitious stories.” Stories are powerful. They influence both individuals and society. Just look around. “Wicca” (a religion that practices witchcraft) is exploding in popularity among kids, teens and adults. Even nine-year-olds are frequenting Wicca websites, lighting candles, casting spells, joining covens, and practicing so-called “white magic.” The Harry Potter craze and Wicca’s growing popularity go hand in hand. Harry’s last name is “Potter.” A “potter” molds clay, which is exactly what’s happening. Make no mistake about it, the Harry Potter books (along with other magic-made-fun films and TV series like Charmed, Buffy, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch) are whetting kid’s appetites to check out real witchcraft. The biggest danger is witchcraft itself, whether “black” or so-called “white.” Unknown to Wiccans themselves, it’s all a doorway to the demonic. Witchcraft itself (and the supernatural forces behind it), this is what’s wrong with Harry Potter.[SOURCE]

Oh yes, Mr. Potter and his magical cohorts are seducing your children, enticing them into a world of black magic (is there any other kind?). Instead of building nice Lego towns your child will be erecting towering shrines to Satan, sacrificing the family pets in the fireplace.

"Want to play Monopoly, Johnny?"
"No, I think I'm gonna conjure up Grandpa with my Ouija board and have his spirit torture you and Mom for all eternity."

Wohlberg has some advice for parents in such a predicament:

Avoid Harry Potter. Don’t buy the book. There are much better things for our kids to read. My wife and I have a three-year-old son who loves stories. Daily we read to him stories that teach lessons about honesty, purity, truth-telling, respect for parents, and faith in God. In Harry Potter, teenage Harry lies a lot, break rules at Hogwarts, curses, throws temper tantrums, and even drinks “firewhisky” (he’s an underage drinker). Instead of Harry Potter, our ministry (White Horse Media) recommends John Bunyan’s immortal classic The Pilgrim’s Progress which teaches character-building lessons about the dangers of sin, repentance, faith in God, walking on the narrow road, resisting the devil, and preparing for heaven. None of these lessons are found in Harry Potter.[SOURCE]

What is this 1510? We should have a book burning during Sunday Mass. Father Joe should hang freshly slain lambs on all our stoops to ward off the evil gnomes. I heard garlic's good for this sort of thing. And Inquisitions.

I'd like to say this sort of attitude amazes me but alas, it does not. It's the occult, it's pagan, it's witchcraft, it's shut the hell up already. If you don't want your kid to read the damn books or see the movies than feel free to be the oddball parent on the block who, instead of letting their child enjoy their youth, makes little Johnny recite Psalms 'til bedtime. I don't really care. Just don't tell the rest of us what to do/read/think. I'm quite pleased that people read anything and then think something.

Yeah, yeah, we're all going to hell. The day when children start running amok under the spell of a novel like possessed Don Quixotes following the apocalyptic wishes of some satyric Pied Piper...well, don't say they didn't warn you about those Latin Masses...

Back to the Farm?

Well kids it is about that time when I make my annual pilgrimage to the Farm. That would be Durham for the Bulls, Raleigh for the Mudcats, and then to Norfolk for the Tides. That's right sports fans, it's Minor League Baseball Time for Whitey!

I got to the Gator's baseball games on a regular basis. Season tickets.... go figure! I made it to Cincinnati for the MLB experience with the Professor. However, I grew up in a Minor League town, so it is very close to my heart. The International League play is outstanding. The Durham Bulls and the Norfolk Tides are in this Triple A league. These guys are just a phone call away from getting their "Cup of Joe" in the Bigs. It is fundamental baseball, good fielding and situational hitting (the latter was nonexistent in the MLB All Star Game, but that is another story).

The Mudcats are Double A from the Southern League, which is closer to batting practice. Most of the pitching in the majors comes from Triple A because most of those guys are on the Disabled List. Minor League guys are deal makers for teams in trades. With the trade deadline coming up, I like to be up on the guys "To Be Named Later" in those trades. Every one knows the big names in a trade but the prospects are the ones that make a deal happen. Last year it was Lastings Mileage that was the "Buzz Name" at the trade deadline. Where is he now? Not playing baseball.

Now that we have the All Star game out of the way, it's time for the GM's to start looking for talent 'On The Farm', as they become buyers or sellers with the Trading Deadline looming.

Milking Pamplona

In response to some world class whining, the famous Pamplona bull running may soon include a second event with cows. Women in Pamplona now want their own race - with cows. A student website, www.estudiln.net, started all this (have fun with that website).

Two interesting points:

1. Women can race with men in the bull-runs now.
2. The women want the cow race to exclude men.

They lay it out like this:

"Cows, as well as bulls, have four legs and a natural instinct to run," says their manifesto. "An encierro [what the bull-runs are called] for cows, would put Pamplona at the vanguard of traditional fiestas with equality for men and women."

Equality? How 'bout you can race the bulls with the rest of us? And where, o' where do they get the idea that since cows have four legs they have "a natural instinct to run." I have seen plenty of cows in my life and here's what they were doing: not running. Grazing? Yes. Moving fast? No.

The bull-run actually has some historic background, dating back to the fourteenth century. The idea originally was to get the bulls from the pen outside the city to the bull fighting ring for the corrida (bull fighting). That is ostensibly the idea today, although the actual run has now taken on mythic proportions.

Don't cheapen this thing anymore by pandering to idiotic suggestions to trot cows down the streets to...well, I don't know what they intend to do with them when they get them to - remember this - the bullring.

Range Balls Get Bad Rap

Some ingenious felons stole about 4,800 range balls from a driving range in Kansas on Sunday night. Apparently the thieves took down a fence, drove a truck on the range, and proceeded to fill up the bed of the truck with the balls. Now that's dedication.

The head pro at the course, Jeff Johnson, was quoted as saying, he thought they would either sell them or "they are some really bad golfers who need some range balls to practice with." The headline on Golf.com claims, "Police seek bad golfer!"

Now, I play golf. I'm not that great of a golfer but, correct me if I'm wrong, bad golfers aren't the only one's who hit the range. I've actually taken to playing with range balls recently - and I like 'em (I prefer the white ones). I usually just pick them up off the holes next to the range (like any other ball I find).

I read in this article that I can get kicked off certain courses for playing with range balls. I don't play those courses. Supposedly, some range balls only go 80% as far as normal balls. Whatever. There also appears to be an etiquette issue with regard to pulling range balls out on the course. I don't play with those people.

This article basically makes my point for me:

[Range balls are] so hideous that [they] won't be pilfered by customers. In fact, the garish colors or racing stripes are intended to discourage customers from stealing the balls for use on the golf course. Theory being that a range ball would be instantly recognized if used in play and would bring shame to the cheap golfer who tried to use it.

That said: Keep one or two in your bag for use over a water hazard. If it lands in the hazard you won't feel so bad. And you won't hold up the group behind you trying to fish it out. Of course, you cannot do this in tournament play. But among your regular weekly foursome, who's going to complain?

We have a rule in our foursome. If you substitute a range ball on the fairway to go over a water hazard you must finish the hole with it should the ball not go in the water.

A friend of mine and I were recently joking about going to the range, getting a basket of balls, carrying it to the car and dumping them in the trunk. I'd never considered taking the car to the balls...

Swear Jar

This video is making the rounds on the web, and I'm gonna help it out. I hate Bud Light, but this ad is classic. If you are watching this in the office make sure you turn the sound up...

Glamour Shots

Ah, All-Star week, so what does The Professor do? Well, I just got the August issue of Glamour in the mail today! I have no idea why I get this tripe and I usually don't bring it in the house, but lucky for you I decided to peruse the contents this month. Maxim (another magazine I get for unknown reasons) recently did this, but I have not.

10 Sex & Love Thrills (and Spills) Every Woman Should Have.

1. Girl dates tattooed guy, agrees to marry him, but the light bulb goes on when he cancels a romantic weekend for a buddy's bachelor party. She eventually meets "sweet, kind, funny" man. I've seen this movie, it's called every date movie I've ever seen.
   
2. Advises new sexual positions. Yawn.
   
3. Let him "point out your flaws." Oh, I see that happening.
4. Don't marry Gatsby, especially if he's good looking, rich, and would rather shuck corn than have a conversation with you. But by all means date him until he ignores you in public. More than once. Or he buys you a car. You know what, happiness is overrated anyway...
   
5. Let your boy do the heavy lifting (literally).
   
6. Get something more out of an argument other than makeup sex. Involves lots of talking and should probably be avoided by the man. This is why Grace has a friend named Will.
   
7. It's normal if you're married and never have sex. Just book a hotel to get out of your funk. Yeah, that or never get married.
8. Climb Mt. Everest together. If you survive and still talk to one another, it's true love!
9. Find a guy who worships your body. Easy for Jennifer (she looks smashing, doesn't she?). Not so easy for Rosie. Put the Cinnabon down!
   
10. Do something crazy. Like follow these tips? Ok!

Is He Normal?
This little ditty let's them know if you are just like the rest of us or a freak of nature. Mostly stats which I have no idea how they compiled, like, "Number of books the typical guy has read in a year?" 8. The best is a quote from one Ryan Clancy concerning what women don't get about men: "Guys can think about nothing. Often it's dead up there, like a test screen on a TV." Often, Ryan? You're not supposed to shove the Q-Tip all the way in.

I'm tired of this. If your girl picks this issue up, or you see it in the mailbox, do yourself a favor - get a tattoo and plan a bachelor party. When's baseball come on?

It's Derby Time!

Everyone's favorite contest featuring Chris Berman repeating, "Back, back, back, back, back..." 90 times in a single broadcast returns tomorrow night. I like the Home Run Derby, but it seems to have lost a bit of its luster since I was a kid. It would be much more fun if they billed it more like the Kentucky Derby, so I got your PP's right here:

1. Justin Morneau, 23 HR. Derby Rookie. He's got 18 of those homers at night, but I have no idea how many of those were indoors at the Metrodome. Morneau is hot, he hit three homers on Saturday and the pitchers on Monday night will be about as good as White Sox staff. ODDS: 4:1.
   
2. Albert Pujols, 16 HR. 2nd Derby (2003). Albert's last home run was on June 14 if you can believe it. Here's the deal though: Al's total of 26 HR in 2003 has been topped only twice, by Miguel Tejada (27 in 2004) and Bobby Abreu (41 in 2005). My favorite. ODDS: 2:1.
   
3. Ryan Howard, 21 HR. Defending Champion. Not throwing up MVP numbers again, but he won it last year. The safe bet; I would throw him in an Exacta. ODDS: 2.5:1.
   
4. Vladimir Guerrero, 14 HR. 2nd Derby (2000). Vlad hasn't hit one out since June 23rd. His tendency to swing at anything within the same zip code of home plate will work against him. ODDS: 5:1.
   
5. Prince Fielder, 29 HR. Derby Rookie. Prince could get a lot of balls wet at AT&T Park. Problem is, I see him hitting 20 in the first round and 7 the rest of the way. Still a favorite. ODDS: 3:1.
   
6. Magglio Ordonez, 13 HR. Derby Rookie. Magglio's last bomb? June 2nd. Hope he brings a camcorder because he'll have plenty of time on his hands. ODDS: 8:1.
   
7. Alex Rios, 17 HR. Derby Rookie. Thrown in due to the late scratch of Miguel Cabrera. Rios is just happy to be there, and hasn't hit a homer since June 25. This is your Barbaro should you not like money. ODDS: 17:1.
   
8. There should be an eighth, but as far as I can tell there isn't. Maybe they are saving a spot for someone...

Make sure you tune in after the Derby for the series premiere of "The Bronx is Burning." Or screw a #2 pencil into your eardrum. Your choice.

There's No Running in Baseball

Jose Reyes getting benched the other night for not running out a tapper to third prompted me to think a bit about running in baseball. On the play in question, Reyes hit a dribbler to third which the third baseman picked up and then jogged halfway across the infield before he flipped it to first. Reyes, with an incredulous look on his face, never left the batter's box. He was promptly benched by manager Willie Randolph for the remainder of the game (one inning, in a game the Mets were losing 4-0).

Living here in Cincinnati, I have heard over and over again about Ken Griffey Jr.'s "lack of hustle," especially when Ryan Freel plays like he had a keg of Starbucks for breakfast. Barry Bonds has the same reputation. In fact, I think Bonds is the poster child for this sort of thing. I have seen Bonds hit balls which the opposing team could have thrown around the horn before getting the easy putout at first.

The typical defense for players emulating spectators - other than the fact that it is problematic to bench a guy making $10 mil a year - is that it is a "long season" and running out every routine grounder would be akin to letting your two-year-old cook dinner every night; you can do it, but one of these days they are going to burn the house down.

But unlike your toddler, who isn't competing on "Iron Chef," a player running out ground balls, or even fly balls, can put pressure on the defense. If I can time you with a sundial on your way to first, I'm probably not to worried about bobbling the ball or throwing it away in a rush to get you out. Ironically, Reyes is just the type of player who puts this pressure on the defense. Usually.

Let's look at Bonds, Griffey, and Reyes' seasons so far. While they are definitely not your typical players, they are the ones we are discussing here.

Bonds has 294 plate appearances. Of those 294, he has walked 89 times, been hit by a pitch twice, and hit a home run 17 times. He has struck out 33 times. That brings us down to 153 times Bonds has had an opportunity to run when the ball is put in play. Bonds has played in 76 games, so...that gives us just over two times a game (2.01) where Bonds might be asked to carry his fat head at a brisk pace down to first. Too much to ask? I think not.

I won't break down the others all the way, but the numbers for Griffey work out to 2.65 times a game and 3.58 for Reyes. I have both played and watched baseball most of my life and can tell you that the majority of your time on the baseball field is spent standing around. Or sitting on the bench. When the time comes to actually do something when one is playing baseball, I don't think it is being unreasonable to ask the players to get their rear end in motion.