We now join the broadcast of a Patriot/Jets game in the final minute…
“Well John, Sanchez and his men still have a bit of work to do here if they want to pull level. He’s had some good touches but Belichick has managed a stellar game, thwarting the Men in Green’s every probe to keep a clean sheet.”
“Wha…”
“They’re faced with a challenging fourth go at it, needing 17 yards for a fresh slate and find themselves a daunting 42 yards from six.”
“The big thing here is for the line to give Sanchez time to look downfield. With one time out left, I think their best bet is to look to getting a first down, call time out, and then take a couple shots in the endzone. With 33 seconds left…”
“The Jets get their final marching orders from their leader and break ranks for the line of scrimmaging. Sanchez finds himself all alone for the long pass from the center man. Four options split wide…the Patriots appear to be mounting a bit of a challenge on the spot.”
“Look out for Cotchery here…”
“Sanchez receives the ball and here come the Pats! The backers of the line have broken through the front! Oh my! A strike! Sanchez and Cotchery rise to the challenge, a fresh set! And Ryan feels the need to talk this one over. The Men in Green will not go quietly into the night! When we come back, the Jets take aim from 24 yards.”
Commercials. Fill in your own, but one is for toothpaste. And Viagra…it’s still football. When we return to the action we find the Jets facing a third down from the Patriots’ 24 yard line down 7-0…
“…a situation which the New York side now find themselves due to the poor ball in the corner. The ball has been floating today for Sanchez…there has been considerable banter concerning the new Lombardi ball inserted in the playoffs, some saying it is the most oblong ball ever played.”
“Looks like a football to me Al, and…”
“Third and then some and the Men in Green need some magic now. Again, Sanchez will set himself a distance behind the ball. Options abound as he takes delivery! Edwards finds himself on a good path to the post! He delivers! Braylon Edwards has found Sanchez’s ball for six! But wait...the referee has tossed his flag onto the pitch! Oh, and this will take away the score! The referee has waived off the touch of downs! Here’s the call…”
“Holding, on the offense. Ten yard penalty, repeat third down.”
“Ryan is furious on the side. He’s called the official over for an explanation. A dagger, John. What do you think of that?”
“Watching the replay here…I don’t see any holding, or at least any holding that ain’t normal. I don’t see it, but maybe they saw something I didn’t.”
“Ryan is beside himself! The Jets will have to regroup here. Oh my! A score is given and taken away! The referee is waving everyone away, and Sanchez had better be careful lest he find himself a memory in this match. He’s been warned once; should he find himself with another the Jets will be looking to Clemens or O’Connell for the final strike.”
“That’s a bad call. I don’t see any holding there…I’m not sure what he’s looking at…”
“It’s an unreviewable penalty; even if we were to go to the eye replay you cannot review a call of holding. A bad break for the New York side. But here we go…the fourth try [we skipped ahead] and everything hangs on this.”
“I still can’t believe that call. That’s…”
“… a crushing blow to be sure. But here we go, this will be the final chance barring extra time.”
“Extra time?”
“Of course John, the referee can determine, based on whatever whim may fit his fancy, that we shall play on for a yet-to-be-announced period of time. So this may be it, or it may….
“What the…”
“And Sanchez has taken the ball! The clock will run dry as Sanchez is pressured to the outside! The pass escapes! Score!!! Cotchery has done the impossible and pulled his side within one!”
“Great catch by Cotchery, not everyone would be able to make that catch under pressure. Amazing...”
“Additional point is good! And…the referee signals that there will be one minute of extra time. One minute of stoppage time here…”
“What the &%$#...”
“So the Jets will have to play the ball into the Patriots end and see if they can stay the course. We’ll be back.”
Hmm…We have an interesting development here. Extra time. Kickoff. What will happen…more commercials.
“We’re all square here for the final minute in stoppage time. Kick away, and Brady’s boys look for an opening…stopped at the 31 yard mark. And the referee’s whistle ends the match! And a point to each team, a great result in the end for the New York Jets…”
“What? A tie? It’s the playoffs…”
“One point each for New England and New York. They will wait for the Minnesota New Orleans result, a birth in the Super Bowl hangs in the balance. What a…”
“What a…”
And while we all await results from the Minnesota New Orleans match-up, the referee gives no details on what appears, in video review, to be a phantom holding call. No matter, these things happen and there might have been holding by someone, somewhere. Should we have to play on, well, field goals would be a good way to decide this…
I’m taking Holland, TCU, and maybe we shouldn’t count the Woods guy out.
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