Glamour Shots

Ah, All-Star week, so what does The Professor do? Well, I just got the August issue of Glamour in the mail today! I have no idea why I get this tripe and I usually don't bring it in the house, but lucky for you I decided to peruse the contents this month. Maxim (another magazine I get for unknown reasons) recently did this, but I have not.

10 Sex & Love Thrills (and Spills) Every Woman Should Have.

1. Girl dates tattooed guy, agrees to marry him, but the light bulb goes on when he cancels a romantic weekend for a buddy's bachelor party. She eventually meets "sweet, kind, funny" man. I've seen this movie, it's called every date movie I've ever seen.
   
2. Advises new sexual positions. Yawn.
   
3. Let him "point out your flaws." Oh, I see that happening.
4. Don't marry Gatsby, especially if he's good looking, rich, and would rather shuck corn than have a conversation with you. But by all means date him until he ignores you in public. More than once. Or he buys you a car. You know what, happiness is overrated anyway...
   
5. Let your boy do the heavy lifting (literally).
   
6. Get something more out of an argument other than makeup sex. Involves lots of talking and should probably be avoided by the man. This is why Grace has a friend named Will.
   
7. It's normal if you're married and never have sex. Just book a hotel to get out of your funk. Yeah, that or never get married.
8. Climb Mt. Everest together. If you survive and still talk to one another, it's true love!
9. Find a guy who worships your body. Easy for Jennifer (she looks smashing, doesn't she?). Not so easy for Rosie. Put the Cinnabon down!
   
10. Do something crazy. Like follow these tips? Ok!

Is He Normal?
This little ditty let's them know if you are just like the rest of us or a freak of nature. Mostly stats which I have no idea how they compiled, like, "Number of books the typical guy has read in a year?" 8. The best is a quote from one Ryan Clancy concerning what women don't get about men: "Guys can think about nothing. Often it's dead up there, like a test screen on a TV." Often, Ryan? You're not supposed to shove the Q-Tip all the way in.

I'm tired of this. If your girl picks this issue up, or you see it in the mailbox, do yourself a favor - get a tattoo and plan a bachelor party. When's baseball come on?