Whitey & The Professor

All-Time Cantina Critter Madness : The Bracket from Hell

2011-03-18T22:20:00.418-04:00

Excited about March Madness?? Upset that your bracket looks like you opened an artery on the morning news? Have no fear, Colley Cantina Critter Madness is here!

All of your favorite Critters of All-Time, ranked from 1 to 64, ready for head-to-head action! The overall tourney appears below, and underneath that are all the first round match-ups awaiting your vote. Can the overall #1 Kenny Harmon take out all-comers, or does the Zodiac Man know more than all of us?

Don't wait, vote now! Your favorite Critter is depending on you! [Note on the descriptions: BM is Bobby Mac, and his comments are in quotes throughout because, quite honestly, we don't know who some of these people are. But we guarantee you he does...]

The Kenny Harmon Bracket

1. Kenny Harmon v. 16. Grog, or Greg the Other Pizza Guy
Poor Grog has little to no chance in this match-up of the behemoth Critter v. Critter wannabe. BUT...stranger things have happened. No they haven't.

8. Run Around Sue v. 9. Demetrius
Run Around Sue lived under Izzo’s house. "Claimed the soup was never hot. Miss Manners of the homeless." Demetrius: "Gray bearded bum who ashed in his beer to keep others from drinking it. Grocery cart with all the essentials, volunteer furniture arranger."

4. Cockney Rex v. 13. Mike Gears
Rex was a Casanova wannabe, not so successful on that front. Well, maybe he was, I have no idea. Equilibrium challenged. Mr. Gears was a sometimes employee with beautiful neck tattoos. Probably why he was working at the Cantina.

5. Smoothy, or The One and Only Steve Powers v. 12. Rock-a-Billy Bill
Smoothy...what to say? Bartender extraordinaire. I will say everyone in the kitchen liked it when Smoothy was working. Hell, everyone liked it when Smoothy was behind the bar. I have no idea who Rock-a-Billy Bill is. Bobby says "the name says it all." I guess.

2. Miami Rob v. 15. Hand Shake Mike
Rob was a disconcerting gigolo. If you don't remember him, you're better off for it. HSM...from Bobby: "part time door guy, full time clever clog." There you go.

7. Al Papsidaro v. 10. Tonya
I really can't explain Al much better than BM: "Al Capone of the west side." No one really enjoyed seeing him walk in. And he never walked in alone. Tonya was a the Dominatrix Pro. Reportedly had an encounter with The Mayor of Colley Avenue - hmm....tough match-up, this should be a good one.

3.Vic Demise v. 14. Frank (The Jank)
Vic was the "Jack Kerouac of 'Hard Core Norfolk'.” Sure. One thing Vic had was an endless supply of jokes. Some of them were even good. Frank was "a neck squeezer, walk-in nudist." Don't remember this, but if you do root for the upset. Maybe it was a nice Jank.

6. Zodiac Man v. 11. Crypt Keeper
I like the BM on Zodiac Man: "Wore a black cowboy hat and sported a cane." Yes. A good friend of Ambriel's, which was strange. And he was strange, maybe the weirdest guy I saw in the place, which is saying something as there's no lack of contenders for that title. The CK: "Hickey’s alter ego brother, simply charming." Didn't know that.

The Ninja Gardener Bracket

1. Steve aka The Ninja Gardener v. 16. Curtis
The NJ: "Prefers hermaphrodites with faces like angels." I'm not sure that's accurate, but it very well may be. Especially the "faces like angels" comment. Steve would drop in at any time - and I mean any time. 3:00 in the morning and there he was doing some sort of something. A Critter if there ever was one. Curtis was on older gay, black guy who seemed to have more money than he knew what to do with. Nice guy. Bad match-up.

8.Sedena v. 9. Captain Huevos
We stand aside...BM: Sedena - "Blacker than black chick with hot body. Friends with Urkel."
CH - "Shrewd wise acre entrepreneur, emu and oysters."

4. Snappy v. 13. Bipolar Door Guy
Charles: "The Artist formally known as Snappy = sugar drink, chicken juice assassin." We've tried to narrow down who exactly the Bipolar Door Guy is. BM wants him in here, and he's here, who he is only Robert knows.

5. Charles, or the Guy from the Naro v. 12. Amy aka Cousin It
Charles. Silent. "Bud Draft please." No, let's have a pitcher of Bud Draft. For me. Because I won't talk to anyone. This is a good match-up, Cousin It didn't show her face too often but when she did it was memorable. Unlike Charles' appearances. Conflicting Critter styles, we'll see...and don't tell us we should have added another 't'. It is It.

2. Greg Herman v. 15. Tugboat Sarah
Herman, Herman. Math genius and MMA golfer, although Fernandez was the one wielding his putter like a scimitar. Also a chess aficionado, but socially trapped in a frat house. And like I mentioned before, I believe he had a tab at Starbucks. Absurd. Tugboat Sarah, from BM: "Mimi's doppelganger from the Drew Carey show. This ain't gonna be your VCU.

7. Grace aka Grace bin Laden v. 10. Jeff Maisey
Grace from BM: "Svelte blond with an attitude." That's it? Grace looked like Sebastian Bach's strung-out twin sister. On a good day. This is a good match-up of conflicting styles. Jeff was a late add - everyone's favorite rock critic. Well, truth be told, the only rock critic who got published and also hung out at the Cantina. Hmm...who wants to get crushed by Herman in Round two?

3. Vegas v. 14. Peg Leg Arab Dude
Vegas. Actually a good guy, he'd always scold you if took the Lord's name in vain. But don't let that holier than thou attitude fool you. Peg Leg from BM: "Could be Greek." Your guess is as good as mine.

6. Scott McCaskey v. 11. Urkel
SM from BM: "Surf's up." Ok. I think I know who Scott is and if he's the guy I'm thinking of, wow, a true Critter. But...Urkel has the possibility to be a real dark horse in this tourney. I have NO idea what Urkel's real name was/is, and she was a Critter extraordinaire. I...I can't even describe Urkel. Stranger than fiction.

The Baggs Bracket

1. Billy Baggs v. 16. Muggsy
Poor Muggsy. Lucky for him it'll be an early exit.

8. Leonard v. 9. Scallop Bob
Leonard: "Patriarch of the Ant Farm." I'll leave that at that. Scallop Bob: "A choir singer, bourbon drinker, good conversationalist - sometimes with other people. Liked to talk to walls." If this match-up was on TV, I'd mow the lawn - competing for the right to get mowed down by Baggs in Round two.

4. Matt Brown v. 13. Robbie
Big Rocks, Small Rocks versus the biggest tipper that could walk in your bar. Robbie should be handed an early exit because he A) wasn't a moron and, B) couldn't possibly have that much money. Had an aversion to sleeves though.

5. Snaggletooth v. 12. Big Headed Todd
Snaggletooth was a mythic character - I'm not sure if he even had a job. Got caught stealing (well, he found it on the ground or some such story) Al's wallet one day and tried to charge drinks at a bar down the street. Weird guy, and routinely banned. Big Headed Todd: "Gentle giant (unless off his meds). Serving life in prison for murder." Put two and two together.

2. Nathan Berger v. 15. Lance
If you don't know Nathan then why are you even reading all this. Lance is famous for two things, but one more than the other. He was the Delvecchios pizza guy until he became a Cantina employee. But, more importantly, he likes cougars. More specifically, your mom. You've been warned...

2. Gina v. 10. Ornery John
Gina, better known as Izzo's sister, had what BM says, "The most vim per square inch." Vim? She was certainly a curious character. Ornery John: "Handy man for his brother who owned apartments in Ghent. Slumlord super." Thrilling.

3. Country or Hammer Down! v. 14. Vince Thomas Jr.
I'm not going to waste any description here because we all know who is going to win. Who the hell is Vince Thomas Jr.?

6. Smiley Mike v. 11. Randy Randy
Smiley Mike: "Richie Cunningham-ish rock star wanna be." I think that's a bit harsh, but he had that smile...Randy was " a boisterous gentleman's gentleman hair stylist." WTF does that mean?

The Deb Bracket

1. Deb DeMarco v. 16. Bobo Steppenwolf
I could lie and tell you I know who Bobo Steppenwolf is. But really, why? And even if I did know his story, who cares. Do you know Deb? That's what I thought.

8. Matches v. 9. Crispy
Matches: "Schizo bum addicted to matches." Thus, the name. Crispy: His kid's name was Cocoa Crispy." Well, not exactly true but that's what we all called him. He also stole my HST letters book. Bastard. Truth be told, Crispy (his real name was Chris. I think.) was almost the epitome of Critter. What's gonna hold him back is he was on the right side of the bar most of the time. Well, right for those who didn't have to work with him.

4. Mr. Robert McNamara v. 13. Cliffy
When this tourney was initially seeded, Robert put himself waaaaay too far down in the rankings. A four seed suits him quite nicely. Cliffy: "A local older fellow who was always glad to see you." Goodbye, Cliffy.

5. Steve Fernandez v. 12. Trina
Well, well, well. Mr. Fernandez is looking forward to a battle of heavyweights in Round two. Trina: "Portable dairy and walking pharmacy." Neither is going to help her here. Or will they...

2. Wild Bill v. 15. Heroin Chick
The fact that Wild Bill even has to suffer through a first round match-up is an outrage. Heroin Chick: "Made Grace look fat, worked part-time for Miami Rob." That ain't a bad resume, but we don't have enough room for Wild Bill's extensive credentials. Next!

7. Herb v. 10. Bruce White
Herb: "Master mathematician theorem blogger." Really? I know who Herb was, but I didn't know that. Not that I got in any long conversations with him. Probably for obvious reasons...Bruce: "Proficient culinarian. Doppelganger of the Mayor of Munchkinland." Bruce thought he took a job cooking where people cared about the latest culinary trends from Bobby Flay. Sucked for him.

3. Rum and Coke Jeff vs. 14. Peter the Aussie
Jeff: "Merchant sailor who never went to sea." Jeff receives a three seed and, quite honestly, I'm not sure if there is anyone in this tournament not employed by the Cantina who showed his face more often in the place than Jeff. A good guy, had a weird laugh, like it almost pained him, but a good guy. Peter the Aussie: "Jack of All Trades." What? I have no idea who this guy is, thank BM.

6. Crazy Kevin v. 11. Dreadlock Stan
Kevin always had a crazy look in his eyes (thus the name), like he was about ready to snap. Luckily, I made it out before he fulfilled his destiny. Stan: "Could be warlock." If you say so.

All Polls by twiigs.com

And there it is! Don't have too much fun.

All-Time Cantina Critter Tournament

2011-01-22T22:03:00.015-05:00

Here it is, what everyone has not been waiting for...the tournament to decide who is your favorite Colley Cantina 'patron' of All-Time. There are many deserving candidates, but only a chosen few will actually be seeded in the tournament with a chance to be named The All-Time Cantina Critter. Whitey and I (and Bobby Mac) will provide some initial candidates, but we more than welcome any additional suggestions. We would like to post pictures (a la the video game tourney which now, finally, after six months, we will move on to a second round), so if you have any send 'em on - whiteyandprofessor@gmail.com.

But back to our contest. We have some initial qualifiers, many of whom you will recognize due to their consistent appearance on the wrong side of the bar. Remember, this is a battle of the best-of-the-best, not a pissing contest with your ex-boyfriend. We want your favorites - we're not here to settle old scores...

So let's get started. The envelope please!

Kenny Harmon. A strong number one seed at this point. Anyone wishing to knock Kenny out better bring their A-game.
Deb S'Marco. Or Smarco or S. Marco or maybe it's DeMarco. Who cares, we all know who she is and, again, a strong one seed. Also an employee at times, which only solidifies her seed seeing as she was also banned from the Cantina on multiple occasions.
Mr. Robert McNamara. While he is one of the initiators of this contest, he now becomes a contestant. Anyone with their own language (McAneese) named after them is a strong contender. Single-handedly made sure the crack machine and Bud draft were money makers. Hold on - did he ever pay for those beers...
Greg Herman. Chess aficionado. I believe he also had a freakin' tab at Starbucks. C'mon man, they're not going to give you the patent on that thing...
Vic Demise. Well, his name is Vic Demise.
Taylor. The best posture on a man drinking pitchers of draft beer. Ever.
Nathan Berger. Yep, Nathan. Probably still there. Nice guy. Probably...still there.
Vegas. At last report, Vegas is a current employee of the Cantina. Which boggles my mind. Well, no it doesn't. Anyone who calls themselves Vegas can't really be looking for less attention.
Miami Rob. I don't remember much about Miami Rob except that he was banned from the Cantina every so often and he wore flip flops all the time.
Country, or, as we all know him, Hammer Down. One of a kind. Just when you thought you'd seen it all this guy came along. "Hammer down, Robert! Hammer down!"
Billy Baggs. As a rule we're trying to avoid employees. Alright, no we're not. Billy, also known as The Mayor of Colley Avenue, has been a Cantina staple for time immemorial. Could be a sentimental favorite.
Steve Fernandez. Ah, Steve. The only person I've ever truly feared was going to kill someone (Herman) on a golf course. His inclusion on this list is sure to piss him off - which is only one reason why he's on it.
Wild Bill. His name was Bill, but no one called him Bill. Everyone called him Wild Bill and he knew it. I have no clue what his chosen profession was, but it might as well have been drinking at the Cantina five days a week.
Matt Brown. I think his last name was Brown. Regardless, Matt will always be famous for his "breaking big rocks into smaller rocks" comment, and was pretty much known as not the smartest guy you'd ever met.

That's your start. Trust me, we know of many other candidates but we want to hear yours. We'll rank everyone and start the tourney, well, as soon as we feel like it. Soon. Happy reminiscing! (HERE is what the bracket looks like currently, likely...no, definitely going to change before the contest begins!)

See a Critter? We do!

Whitey & The Professors’ All-Time Arcade Game Challenge - Round Two

2011-01-21T22:55:00.009-05:00

We have our round two match-ups! There has been much further ado, so without any more here they are:
See the first round results and entire bracket HERE.

PAC-MAN REGION

#1 Pac-Man v. #5 Tron. Pac-Man cruised to a first round victory over Frogger - arguably a better game then Tron which squeaked out a win over Defender. If Tron wins this the fix might be in...

#2 Gauntlet v. #3 Ms. Pac-Man. Two juggernauts going head-to-head. Will it be a Pac-Man/Ms. Pac-Man match-up to make it to the final four? Whitey sure hopes not, but then Whitey is still circling the drain in Gauntlet.

SPACE INVADERS REGION

#1 Space Invaders v. #5 Duck Hunt. Duck Hunt is a sentimental favorite. Who can forget standing two feet away from the TV with an electronic gun knocking ducks out of the sky? At the same time, Space Invaders is a force to reckoned with.

#2 Dig Dug v. #3 Mario Bros. Ouch. I wouldn't want to be in Vegas calling this one - there's a good deal of momentum for both of these games. I...we...I have no idea....

DONKEY KONG REGION

#1 Donkey Kong v. #4 Joust. Joust took out Golden Tee which was one of the tournament dark horses. But does it have enough to eliminate one of the greatest video games of all-time?

#3 Star Wars v. #6 Pole Position. Pole Position eliminated Street Fighter in a first round upset. Star Wars posted a comfortable victory over Q*Bert. Two ground breaking games in their genres go head-to-head. Whitey is betting on the steering wheel.

PONG REGION

#1 Pong v. #5 Rampage. Rampage takes down Centipede and sets its sights on the granddaddy of them all. Pong is not fazed.

#3 Galaga v. #7 Paperboy. In what may be the most surprising upset of the first round, Paperboy sent Asteroids packing. Galaga wants a shot at Pong, but the kid on a bike has other ideas...

all polls by twiigs.com

Know Your Balls - The Baseball

2010-07-17T01:11:00.139-04:00

At Whitey’s prompting due yet again to his incessant quest for knowledge, I have been asked to provide a report on the history of balls. So…I’ll do some research and compile a bit of knowledge in multiple posts (maybe).

Baseballs, basketballs, footballs (both kinds), tennis balls, golf balls, even hockey pucks (a version of the ball)…they each have their own unique history.

With most of these sports there is an equally important evolution of other equipment, most notably the items one uses to whack these balls around. Bats, sticks, clubs, shoes - they have all progressed along with the balls. For our purposes we’ll limit our discussion of those aspects.

The Baseball. The baseball has had many different versions, most notably before and after 1872 and 1911. Before 1872 they pretty much played with whatever they had on hand as long as it resembled a ball. The formation of professional leagues in the 1870's somewhat standardized the baseball at that time, although you wouldn't recognize the thing today. In 1911 baseball adopted a cork-center ball - offense and the game's popularity exploded.

Baseball evolved from various games, particularly Rounders, a variation of which was played in England, Germany, and possibly other places as early as the 16th century. In America, Rounders was called a variety of things including Town Ball in the early 1800's. The game was massively popular, and the locals turned out from miles around to watch the contests...

Not really. The first record of a game closely resembling baseball as we know to today is in 1829, although at that time there were some crazy rules like you ran the bases clockwise, they only played two or three innings in which everyone batted every inning, and a guy was out if you hit him with the ball. It's likely they just made the rules up for every game within a loose framework. Canada actually makes some claim to the first recorded account of a baseball game, in 1838, but that can't possibly be true. And even if it is I choose to ignore it. The earliest known newspaper account of a baseball game in the U.S. dates from 1845.

In 1869 Harry Wright got serious, found some sucker to pay the guys to play baseball, and the Cincinnati Red Stockings became the first "openly" professional baseball team (teams had paid players for years, but not all of them, and they didn't admit to doing it.) Before this time I guess it was a lot like watching your dad's rec softball team.

The National Association of Professional Base Ball was formed in 1871 (not including, oddly, the Cincinnati team.) And thus, we have the first league set to give us our first rules concerning what we're here to discuss: the baseball.

But let's not jump ahead of ourselves. At this point there were teams all over the place and the National Association only lasted until 1875. Many of the teams didn't show up for games, left in the middle of them, and/or nobody bothered to show up and watch. That can happen when you have a team from Ft. Wayne, Indiana and another from Boston at a time when America's most popular form of transportation was still the horse.

Undaunted, in 1876 some guys with deep pockets and a love for balls and bats founded what remains today the National League (You wondered why it's called the senior circuit? That's why.) The only original teams still left in the NL are the Cincinnati Reds (Red Stockings) and the St. Louis Cardinals (Brown Stockings), although both teams left the NL for the American Association in 1882 to return later. The organization that spearheaded the formation of the National League is actually the team we know today as the Chicago White Sox. And, in truth, the White Sox could make a very hearty claim as the oldest consistent team - a claim the Reds make but is very shaky considering the facts.

So...the National League quickly became full of themselves and booted a few teams, including St. Louis (they may have just left) and Cincinnati (definitely booted), due to their 'lower moral standards'. [SOURCE] Cincinnati sold beer at their home games and all "river cities" were considered backwoods idiots unworthy of inclusion in their pristine league. The Philadelphia Athletics, an original NL team, also joined the American Association in 1882.

Thus the American Association was formed as a response to the NL's puritanical regime. At the end of the 1882 season Chicago (NL) and Cincinnati (AA), the two best teams of their respective leagues that year, split a two game series to end the season. Some consider this the first whiff of the World Series we know today.

A great quote to give you an idea of the times:

The National League appealed to more middle-class audiences by requiring its teams to charge fifty cents admission, banning the sale of alcohol, and refusing to play on Sundays. The rival American Association appealed to immigrant and working-class audiences by charging only a quarter, selling liquor and playing Sunday ball.[SOURCE]

From 1880, and even before, until about 1900-01 leagues formed, folded, teams switched leagues, changed names, disbanded, came back again with the same name, a new name...it was all complete chaos. If I were to attempt a full account of everything it would be Master’s Degree worthy. So I won’t.

Our original lineups once we made it to circa 1900-01:

NATIONAL LEAGUE

• Boston Beaneaters (Atlanta Braves)
• Brooklyn Superbas (Los Angeles Dodgers. This name is open to debate, as there was no ‘official’ nickname of the team until 1932 when it became the Dodgers. They were known as the Atlantics, Grays, Grooms, the Bridegrooms, the Superbas, and the Robins.)
• Chicago Orphans (Chicago Cubs. When the great Cap Anson left the team they were dubbed the Orphans. By 1902 they were the Cubs.)
• Cincinnati Reds
• New York Giants (San Francisco Giants)
• Philadelphia Phillies (first known as the Quakers as early as 1883)
• Pittsburgh Pirates
• St. Louis Perfectos (the Perfectos name lasted one year, 1899, before being changed to the Cardinals in 1900)

AMERICAN LEAGUE

• Boston Americans (Boston Red Sox)
• Baltimore Orioles (New York Yankees. Huh, you say? True. The Yankees were originally the Orioles, moved to New York in 1903 becoming the Highlanders, and were renamed the Yankees in 1913.)
• Chicago White Stockings (Chicago White Sox. In fact, it could be argued that the White Sox are the actually the oldest team in baseball, a title the Reds claim.)
• Cleveland Blues (Cleveland Indians)
• Detroit Tigers
• Milwaukee Brewers (Baltimore Orioles. Crazy eh? The Orioles became the Yankees and the Brewers became the Orioles. Go figure.)
• Philadelphia Athletics (Oakland Athletics)
• Washington Senators (Minnesota Twins. Curious? So was I. Different incarnations of the Senators have the dubious distinction of failing and birthing two current franchises – the Twins in 1960 and the Rangers in 1972.)

NOW THEN. I started this with the idea of discussing the actual baseball, not baseball as an organization. But I think the history of the game is important to see the progression the actual baseball. Plus, it’s my blog and I can do what I want.

What you see today, at least on the outside of the baseball, is very similar to what the baseball was in the late 1800's. You can actually purchase reproductions of early versions of the baseball HERE.

As mentioned earlier, for the most part the baseball was standardized in the 1870's. The ball in the picture at the beginning of this post is a pre-1872 ball. The figure eight design we know today was not adopted until 1872, although supposedly there were versions of it before then.

Harry Wright tried to kick-start offense in the game by introducing a cork-center ball instead of a rubber-center ball in 1880, but no one liked it (Well, no one playing defense liked it, which is understandable considering the gloves they used.) The cork-center ball would not be officially adopted until 1911.

Around 1920 they stopped (well, they tried) letting the pitchers do whatever they liked to the ball (scuffing, spitballs, etc.), and also began changing out used balls for new balls during the game. Thus, Baseball is split into the “Dead Ball Era” pre-1920, and pretty much what we have had up to the present day. If one looks at the just home run stats from this time, it's fairly obvious the impact. From 1901-1918 the American League high for HR's in a season was 16. In 1919 Babe Ruth hit 29, and followed that up with 54 in 1920. In the National League the all-time high for HR's was 27 from 1876 until 1921 (that's 53 years.) In 1922 Rogers Hornsby hit 42 homers, and from that point on the NL leader in HR's would hit 27 or more every year except two (21, Hack Wilson in 1926 and 23, Ralph Kiner in 1946.)

Around 1930 they changed from a cork to a “cushioned cork” center, and in 1974 there was a change from a horsehide to a cowhide cover. From what I can tell, the baseball has had those 108 stitches (each hand-stitched) at least since the 1920’s and probably before then - see the pictures from 1878 and 1889 above.

Whitey pointed out that should they change the stitching in any way the ball might be made to perform unnatural acts, and since Baseball is very keen on its history changes are highly unlikely. There was much discussion about MLB having done something to the ball in the late 1990’s/early 2000’s due to the meteoric rise in home runs. We now know something was done, but not to the ball.

For now, the baseball is #1 on the list of most consistent game balls still in use.

QUICK NOTE: I wanted to mention a few things concerning the recent bounty of perfect games in baseball and this discussion about the ball seems as good a place as any. There have been 20 perfect games in baseball history, the first of which was recorded in 1880. If we begin there that's a span of 130 years, meaning baseball has averaged one perfect game every six and a half years for 130 years

The National League actually had two perfect games in 1880...and didn't have another one for 84 years. The American League's longest drought was from 1922-1956. The 19 teens (?), 1930's, 1940's, and 1970's saw zero perfect games.

In the past ten years we have seen four perfect games (should be five, but so be it.) The previous high was three in the 1960's, maybe a contributing factor (along with Bob Gibson) to the lowering of the mound. In the past twenty years we have seen eight perfect games. But in the past 30 years, since 1980, there have been 11 perfect games. So, for the first 100 years (actually more, but I won't nit-pick here) of baseball there were nine, that's right, nine perfect games. 55% of MLB's perfect games have been thrown in the past 30 years.

We could talk explanations for this til the cows come home. One of my top reasons would be the expanding number of teams, but the equipment has changed, technology has made scouting better, new pitches come along (remember Mike Scott, Roger Craig, and the split-fingered fastball hype?) The list can go on and on. But the ball...the cowhide...who knows...

Good references:

For exact dimensions and stats of the ball go HERE.

For a good early history of the baseball and other equipment go HERE.

Don't Be a Freddy - Part 2

2010-07-07T13:48:00.001-04:00

Last night at the Ranger's game we had a few notable events occur outside the actual game on the field. One was the fan falling from the upper deck after trying to lean over a railing to catch a foul ball. Luckily everyone seems to be ok, both the guy who fell and those upon whom he landed.

The other incident is where we find Freddy. The video is below. Don't be this guy. If a foul ball or home run ball lands within your wingspan, feel free to reach out and try to haul it in. If you need to simulate a rugby scrum to get a ball and you're over, say, ten years old, stay in your seat. The announcers say the guy did end up giving the kid the ball, but it's still inexcusable.

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Don't Be a Freddy - Vote Votto!

2010-07-06T13:40:00.007-04:00

Such a nice looking young man...Vote for me!

Whitey is in a crazy fantasy baseball league with some guys who are just stat freaks. Some of us are like Christmas ornaments: just there for decoration. That said, the stats tell the story.

Which guy would be starting for you if you had the pencil? Look at it like the Reds Fan we'll call “Freddy”. There is a running joke that Freddy is a bandwagon jumper. He'll wear a Reds hat for a week when pitchers and catchers report. He'll be telling us how good the squad looks, the pen is on fire, and the Redlegs are going to the Ship. Lose two, Freddy is ready to fire the skipper and Dusty is the worst manager in the league.

Along comes June and in most years past, the Reds have been less than stellar in Great American Ballpark - but the ladies are o' so cute. Freddy at this point becomes the Freddy we all know and loathe. He pulls out his Cubbies hat and heads to the friendly confines of Wrigley Field, only to be let down by another team in the Central Division of the Senior Circuit.

For reasons I can't figure out, the people of Cincinnati aren't jamming the ballot box for their boy! The Reds are in first place, and this guy is a huge reason why. Come on Freddy! Vote for Votto!

PROFESSOR'S NOTE: I'll get this out of the way first - I am an unabashed Reds fan. If you're looking for someone without a horse in this race I am not that person.

I just happened to tune in to Colin Cowherd this morning and voila! Votto had taken over the show. Whitey and I discussed it for a few and decided to run with it.

Cowherd's first point (at least the first one I heard) blamed Votto's snub on Reds' fans sleeping on the job - they should have stuffed the ballot box. In fact, he referenced the famous ballot stuffing campaign Reds' fans pulled off in the 1957 season. That year seven of the eight starters voted in were Reds (the odd one out? Stan Musial made the starting lineup.)

Subsequently the Commissioner at the time, Ford Frick, took the vote away from the fans and substituted two players (Hank Aaron and Willie Mays, I don't know about those choices...) for two of the Reds. The vote returned to the fans in 1969.

Anyway, in 1957 there were only eight NL teams and none west of St. Louis. My point is it was a little easier to do back then. Not that it can't be done now though, and it has happened a few times. I think Votto deserves to be there and will most likely get in with all the publicity this is getting.

Cowherd went on to list three criteria which get you in to an All-Star game - popularity, stats, and legacy - and claimed Votto was short on two of the three. I'll give him that. Usually the manager's picks solve the fans' shortsightedness, but Charlie Manuel took Ryan Howard. Shocker.

I won't run down the stats because if you want them you'll find them elsewhere. Suffice it to say, as Whitey put it, don't be a Freddy...vote for Votto at the link below:

Whitey & The Professors’ All-Time Arcade Game Challenge

2010-07-05T17:21:00.043-04:00

Here they are - all the first round match-ups. The original post with some of our criteria is HERE. A look at the brackets is HERE.

PAC-MAN REGION

#1 Pac-Man v. #8 Frogger. Poor Frogger, you couldn't ask much more of a game based on frogs and dodging traffic. It has pulled a bad first round matchup against arguably the best arcade game of all-time. Should Frogger pull a first round upset over Pac-Man it would be historic – or slightly noteworthy.

#2 Gauntlet v. #7 Double Dragon. I remember playing Gauntlet. At Kings Island. Let me tell you, there are a lot of things to do at Kings Island (just ask the Brady Bunch) other than play a video game, but I was hooked. Double Dragon was one of the first of its kind and certainly popular, but doesn’t take out Gauntlet for me.

#3 Ms. Pac-Man v. #6 Dragon’s Lair. Yep, Ms. Pac-Man got seeded in the same region with her overbearing other half (we're not having a Pac-Man/Ms. Pac-Man final.) Dragon’s Lair was such a weird game – I remember putting money into this thing and having no idea what I was supposed to actually do. Not that this should sway you, but there are three games on permanent display in the Smithsonian: Pong, Pac-Man, and...Dragon's Lair. Ms. Pac-Man, well, those intermissions did it all didn’t they?

#4 Defender v. #5 Tron. Whitey is calling it, Tron pulls the upset. It was based on a movie, bad as that movie was. Defender is defending a plant, and for the entire game you travel on a horizontal plane. Most Defender machines had burns on the playing panel. These were left by: 1) people who let a perfectly good smoke go to waste, just to smell melting plastic, as they were trying to prove the world was flat; or 2) stoners that had a good game going. Whitey takes two. Tron was certainly one of the best looking arcade games of all time. The game itself was kind of blah though.

SPACE INVADERS REGION

#1 Space Invaders v. #8 Jungle Hunt. Space Invaders had one of those sounds that haunt you in your sleep. It wasn't a matter of if the Invaders were gonna get there, just when. Try as you might, I only saw the screen cleared a few times before the quarter dropped again. Space Invaders is notable for many reasons, but one you might not know is it was the first game that saved hi-scores and, in a later incarnation, became the first game in which you could also enter your initials. [If you're one of those people wondering why games like, say, Golden Tee aren't ranked higher in the tourney imagine Golden Tee with no hi-scores or, god forbid, no option for initials.] Jungle Hunt was swinging. And swimming. And running and jumping. Timing was everything in this one - never did find out what happens at the end, or even if there is an end. But I did like knifing sharks.

#4 Tempest v. #5 Duck Hunt. Tempest really had one goal: spin the dial in a circle and run the outer edge of different shapes shooting at projectiles, but it was the first vector game in color (Tempest, Star Wars, and Asteroids are our only vector games in the tourney, so they represent.) Duck Hunt was great due to the fact you had a gun in hand - Duck Hunt was one of the pioneering 'shoot the screen' games. "Bang," as that dog laughs at you for missing. But you couldn't trust the hi-score as you could put the gun literally on the screen and kill everything. Didn't stop us.

#3 Mario Bros. v. #6 Missile Command. Missile Command was a tricky little game. Three shooting stations with ten shots in each - and you talk about a loud game - if you sent everything off it was like a static explosion. Chances were after you cleared the early stage you were hooked for a dollar and it was gone in a hurry. Toughest game in the bracket. Mario Bros. spawned what could be considered the most successful franchise in history - Nintendo was (and still is) built on Donkey Kong...and Mario. Whitey majored in Mario Bros. for two semesters in college. We would stay up even if we weren't playing, and you couldn't get guys out of the dorm with a cattle prod. [Remember: we're not voting on the game you could play in your dorm room...]

#2 Dig Dug v. #7 BurgerTime. I don't remember BurgerTime, but I saw it on so many lists I figured we had to include it. Maybe it was a good game. Whitey remembers Dig Dug was everywhere. Most enjoyable was the one by the baseball field in the High's Ice Cream. Man, after a hot day at the park, a Sherbet Freeze, Dig Dug, and a hand to squeeze. Ah, summertime.

DONKEY KONG REGION

#1 Donkey Kong v. #8 Tapper. Tapper? Really? Frogger at least had a chance to upset Pac-Man. Although Tapper was one-of-a-kind, and the cabinet came complete with a coaster for your drink and a railing for your feet, this is a no-brainer. The big monkey rolling barrels down the grades, and who could forget the best pulley-lever system in gaming. Donkey Kong also has the unique mystique of having introduced us to the main character of another game in the tourney: Mario. And even though I can't stand when people use this, it's still relevant today: it's on like Donkey Kong!

#4 Joust v. #5 Golden Tee. Joust was one of the games Whitey lived on. It was at the 7-11 a block from school. My study hall was Joust. I never questioned what would make a guy get on a flying ostrich and engage in level to level combat. It just worked. Joust gets a leg up on Golden Tee. The Professor says Joust is one crazy game, and one of the first co-operative games that I remember. I was not good at it, but that didn't stop me. Golden Tee is the only true sports game in the tourney and while it is a classic, its popularity seems to have spiked fairly recently. That said, Golden Tee's many offspring have stood the test of time - a great initial idea which I don't see going out of style anytime soon. Whitey says just spin the ball as hard as you can and most of the time it goes straight. I say, remember that hole-in-one? Pure skill.

#3 Street Fighter v. #6 Pole Position. A battle between two icons of their respective genres: driving games and fighting games. Street Fighter was a double joystick machine, meaning there were some 64 possible moves. However, it could be defeated using about five of them (and while the original Street Fighter was ok, Street Fighter II is really where this franchise took off. Again though, a la Golden Tee, the first game spawned a monster.) Pole Position was the perfect game of its day - the game gave you more time for hangin' it all out for your quarter. Before Pole Position the only driving games were staged at night due to the limitations of technology. Pole Position is the original modern driving game - that's a steering wheel!

#2 Star Wars v. #7 Q*Bert. One of two games in the tournament which originated as a movie (Tron), Star Wars is a classic, even for people on the Dark Side of the Force. Q-Bert is just Pac-Man on a pyramid. I dropped a lot of quarters into that machine; however, most were for my girlfriend.

PONG REGION

#1 Pong v. #8 Moon Patrol. Wow, Pong v. Moon Patrol - where does one start? Pong is the grand-daddy of them all and may be the sentimental favorite in the tournament. Moon Patrol is Defender on wheels. Sure there was a catchy tune, and the way the buggy kinda floated when you hit the jump button made you think you were driving in space. Pong was just two lines that bounced a block back and forth. And back. And forth. But take a look at Brick Breaker on your phone. Look familiar? This is a knockout! Whitey says Pong!

#4 Centipede v. #5 Rampage. Rampage - what more could you ask from a game but to trash buildings? Kong, Wolfman, and Zilla could bring down the house. One player wasn't enough though, you needed 2-3 to really beat the machine. Centipede was chaos, but it’s the all-time trackball/single-shot game. And the mushrooms gave you a fit. Whitey remembers when Centipede came out - Milton's pizza had one, and as the speed increased so did your heartbeat.

#3 Galaga v. #6 Spy Hunter. Spy Hunter was a great game if you had a lot of time to kill. Like Pac-Man, there was a pattern, but it was much easier. The Professor says Spy Hunter is one his favorite games of all-time, and if there was some discernible pattern I didn't discover it.. Oil slicks? Rotating blades from your wheels? And when you died you got dropped off from the moving semi. As a Bond fan, this was a great game, although I was not good at it. Galaga was awesome! When you doubled up your ship…awesome! From that point the challenge stages got easier and the points racked up. The Professor forgot about the double ships...that was pretty sweet.

#2 Asteroids v. #7 Paperboy. A true test of old/new school. Well, new school circa 1987. Not many of us have driven a spaceship through an asteroid field, but most of us had a paper route. You could just chuck papers at windows, flower pots, and front porches. The only thing missing was the old man yelling because it wasn't on his doorstep, or the lady who always waved hello. Asteroids was a game that really put your head in a vice. Since we were all teenagers, we knew nothing about space propulsion. The second button, that allowed you to move, caused more problems than Felix the Cat. You couldn't stop on a dime, Whitey got crushed, and reached for another quarter. And the Professor did the same.

all polls by twiigs.com

Whitey & The Professors’ All-Time Arcade Game Challenge

2010-06-30T16:45:00.035-04:00

Well, well, well. Whitey was stirred by the references to the Commodore 64/VIC-20 in my last post to discuss computer/video game systems. Tandy, Odyssey, Colecovision, Intellivision, Atari, Sega, Nintendo, and you get the idea. This conversation quickly moved from computers to video games, on to arcade games and...

So…due to the incessant quest for knowledge that makes Whitey who he is we present for you: Whitey & The Professors’ All-Time Arcade Game Challenge. We have collected a cast of 32 classic arcade games, every one of which saw its inception before 1990. During the ‘90’s video gaming systems advanced to the point where, well, you might as well just play the thing at home.

But before then we had two options: put in a quarter, or go home and play a lame knock-off of your favorite game. Yes kids, there was a time when there were video games and VIDEO GAMES. Sure, you could play Pac-Man or Donkey Kong on your Atari in the basement, but they were terrible. Nintendo made everything much more palatable in 1985, but it would be many years later before home systems matched what you could find at the local 7-11.

SO…here we go. Whitey insisted that every game involved cost a quarter to play in its heyday. We have eliminated games released after 1990 (so sorry Mortal Combat. And NBA Jam, although not so much.) Golden Tee and Dragon's Lair are slight exceptions to this. Golden Tee didn't used to be the money pit it is today, and Dragon's Lair was so revolutionary at the time that it has to be in the tourney. Off to the NIT go Kung-Fu Master, Zaxxon, Breakout, Berzerk, Track & Field, Armor Attack, Battlezone, Vanguard, Lunar Lander, Commando, Phoenix, and the ultimate bubble game on the bubble, Bubbles. We might be willing to have a play-in game if there is significant uproar.

We ranked the 32 games in a painstaking process involving, in no particular order, perusing other websites and beer. Four regions will play off against one another for the chance to be crowned The Best Arcade Game of All-Time.

The four regions are each named for their respective #1 seed: Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Pong, and Space Invaders. Each game has an overall seed, but we seed them here in their corresponding regional bracket. Should you wish to see the big picture and where we are going with this it is HERE.

ALL of the brackets can now be found HERE.

Soon to come, Whitey wants board games and pinball!

Sport or Skill? Jay Asked, We Respond

2010-06-29T16:02:00.004-04:00

We have had a request to revisit Sport or Skill? with an eye toward deciding the most physically demanding Sport. This request comes courtesy of Jay who, at last check (probably 20 years ago), was settling in to life as a Canadian. But before he opted for a life of ice and G8 summits we had a lively childhood in Mariemont. (Update: he lives in Buffalo now...maybe it wasn't Canada...oh well.) I have a few great memories involving Jay, which I’ll enumerate here:

1. HBO. I had never heard of HBO before – we certainly didn’t have this thing in our house. But one evening we were herded out of the living room – I recall something like sliding doors between the living room and where we were – as his parents settled in to watch…I want to say it was Flashdance. I remember trying to peek through the doors to get a glimpse of whatever untold forbidden things had to be on display in the other room. I still haven’t seen Flashdance, and I don’t think I’m missing much.

This brings to mind another scenario involving Brian and Rex watching Purple Rain with Mrs. Hawk in the room. She would throw a towel over the TV during the racy parts. Oh, to be young again.

2. Commodore 64. We had a Commodore VIC-20. I remember playing games that you loaded with a cassette player. In fact, you had to pop the tape out and put in another every so often. But Jay had a Commodore 64, with a color monitor, and I remember playing Monopoly on the thing. Monopoly? On a computer? God has surely smiled upon us.

3. I remember thinking Jay’s mom was going to beat the tar out of Jeremy Drake one day (she didn't.) I don’t remember what he did, but man was she mad.

4. Jay came back to visit when we were in high school and introduced me to this new rap group. Two chicks. Believe me when I tell you I didn’t think they were saying, “Push It.”

Anyway, back to our topic. For our discussion of the most physically demanding Sport we’re going to use a list from ESPN which, in some stroke of serendipity, seems to have some of the same ideas as our original Sport or Skill? post (Whitey pointed this ESPN thing out to me afterwards, of course. And I'll take alliteration for 500, Alex.) I’d like to say great minds think alike, but I’m not willing to give them that praise.

Below is the top 15 - again their entire list is HERE. They asked a panel of experts to rank various “sports” in numerous categories and this was the result.

SPORT	END	STR	PWR	SPD	AGI	FLX	NER	DUR	HAN	ANA	TOTAL	RANK
Boxing	8.63	8.13	8.63	6.38	6.25	4.38	8.88	8.50	7.00	5.63	72.375	1
Ice Hockey	7.25	7.13	7.88	7.75	7.63	4.88	6.00	8.25	7.50	7.50	71.750	2
Football	5.38	8.63	8.13	7.13	6.38	4.38	7.25	8.50	5.50	7.13	68.375	3
Basketball	7.38	6.25	6.50	7.25	8.13	5.63	4.13	7.75	7.50	7.38	67.875	4
Wrestling	6.63	8.38	7.13	5.13	6.38	7.50	5.00	6.75	4.25	6.38	63.500	5
Martial Arts	5.00	5.88	7.75	6.38	6.00	7.00	6.63	5.88	6.00	6.88	63.375	6
Tennis	7.25	5.13	7.13	6.75	7.75	5.63	3.00	5.00	8.38	6.75	62.750	7
Gymnastics	5.38	6.13	6.63	5.00	6.38	10.00	7.50	6.88	4.50	4.13	62.500	8
Baseball/Softball	4.63	5.75	7.63	6.50	6.75	4.75	5.13	5.63	9.25	6.25	62.250	9
Soccer	7.75	4.50	5.13	7.25	8.25	4.75	3.63	6.25	6.50	7.50	61.500	10
Skiing: Alpine	5.13	5.25	6.00	7.38	6.13	5.63	8.38	6.00	5.13	5.63	60.625	11
Water Polo	7.88	6.63	6.88	5.38	6.38	5.00	4.25	6.38	6.25	5.63	60.625	11
Rugby	6.75	7.00	6.38	5.88	6.00	4.13	6.50	7.88	4.38	5.63	60.500	13
Lacrosse	6.63	5.13	5.75	7.00	6.63	4.75	4.38	6.13	7.13	6.88	60.375	14
Rodeo: Steer Wrestling	4.00	7.00	7.88	3.88	4.88	5.00	7.88	6.88	5.13	4.00	56.500	15

I’m very impressed “Steer Wrestling” made the list. I can guarantee you that, had we made our own list, we would have forgotten all about rodeo events. We’re here to give you the most physically demanding Sport, not the most physically demanding activity you can perform with barnyard animals.

Along with rodeo, we can eliminate skiing and gymnastics. Not Sports. ESPN's list has 60 Sport/Skills, and here is our top 10 for Most Physically Demanding Sport:

1. Boxing/MMA/Wrestling/Martial Arts. Instead of listing these items separately we’re going to lump them all together. All are Sports, and all involve two people trying to physically dominate each other. Sure, there are mental aspects, but they ain’t chess. I’m not going to give you a chance against Brock Lesnar because you can outthink him.

2. Rugby. Rugby can be summed up thusly: Take a boxing ring. Now get rid of the ropes, move it outside, expand the ring to about 500 feet, grow grass on it, give each guy 14 friends, throw an oblong ball out there, and blow a whistle. Have fun.

3. Hockey.

4. Football. Unless you're the kicker. Some would argue that football should beat hockey. We say you're wrong.

5. Soccer. Run, run, run, run and run some more.

6. Water Polo. You try treading water for eight minutes. Now, here’s a ball. Oh, and did I mention that guy over there is going to try and drown you…

7. Lacrosse. This is debatable - lacrosse might well deserve to be higher on this list.

8. Swimming. I know, I know, it’s timed, which should technically eliminate swimming from consideration. But they also have relays involving ‘teams,’ and, well, it’s tough. Of course, this opens the door for a whole host of Track & Field events…

9. Tennis. After watching the Isner/Mahut marathon, we’re putting tennis here. That said, some tennis matches, especially for women, seem to involve less work and last as long as, say, washing the dog.

10. Basketball. Suck it NBA.

11. Rowing/Crew. Again, timed. And in boats. And again, I don’t care.

That’s it.

Whitey's a Lefty...Catcher?

2010-06-28T06:00:00.007-04:00

Yes, Whitey is in his right mind. A large percentage of our Presidents have been lefties - great thinkers and philosophers. But there is one thing that Whitey can't quite square with the way the world works. Baseball is righty biased! As a kid growing up, one thing I hated hearing more than "eat your veggies" was,"You’re a lefty? Go to first.”

There were guys I knew in high school that were left-handed with fast, great hands, but they had to play in the outfield. I got The Professor to do a report on the baseball (still to come), and he informed me that they used to run the bases clockwise.

I can think of a few reasons for the change to the current setup, where the bases are run counterclockwise. Americans wanted to be the opposite of England in every way. Thus we run horses, dogs, cars…and the bases in the opposite direction of the English.

Second, and more probable, is that the throws from what would be 2nd, 3rd, and short would be much more difficult for the right-handed player in a clockwise game. I admit those throws would be hard, but there’s one position that really grinds Whitey.

As previously mentioned, Whitey is a southpaw. So why can his ragged arm get looked at in his late 30's as a pitcher but - as one of the most athletic players on his team - couldn't Whitey have been a catcher? No chance. Not even a sniff of The Tools of Ignorance!

The right-handed batter? With more kids switching to the left side to hit righty pitching, this argument may hold less sway. The throw to third? How about that snap throw to first? Can we even consider a left-handed catcher? Not in a sport as biased as baseball.

PROFESSOR'S NOTE:
Statistics from www.baseball-reference.com: (if these are off, they shouldn't be off by much)
2010 in MLB
Right-handed pitchers: 382
Left-handed pitchers:    138

Bats Right:                          610
Bats Left:                      287
Bats Switch:         87

Whitey and I were discussing this topic after watching the College World Series and seeing, in our opinion, too many right-handed 1st basemen. As a fellow lefty, I feel Whitey’s pain. Unless you’re a pitcher, lefties get the shaft in baseball. I could think of no other sport where there is as much of a bias against being left-handed as there is in baseball.

Lefties have the opportunity to play four of the nine positions, not even receiving consideration at four (2nd, 3rd, short, and catcher). And righties have the opportunity to play all nine – no position is considered exclusively left-handed.

Soccer Says Goodbye...Again.

2010-06-27T11:43:00.004-04:00

The U.S had a decent showing in the World Cup. Again. And they lost to Ghana. Again. So what’s it all mean?

Not a whole hell of a lot, I’m afraid. The World Cup has risen in popularity here over the years, but three days after grabbing the headlines the team returns home after a ho-hum game which, quite honestly, they deserved to lose.

The problem is no one cares enough about the sport’s league (MLS) and teams for soccer to have much impact on America’s sport landscape. Soccer, unlike hockey, is trying to build a fan base in reverse, from the national to the local.

Hockey’s history here allowed it to build at least a reasonable amount of local fans before the craziness of the 1980 Olympics and the subsequent hoopla. Even now there are a substantial amount of people who will watch Olympic hockey and not a second of the NHL.

The same is true for soccer except it’s even worse. With little support for local teams (it is growing) the popularity of the sport seems to be on an eternal four year cycle. Most of the games aren’t on TV, and only occasionally will you see scores/highlights on SportsCenter.

[Oh good, there we go with another bad call in the England/Germany game. Replay anyone?]

Soccer is right on the heels of the NHL in terms of average attendance, and some of teams do quite well (Seattle is averaging over 36,000 per game, but if your alternative was the Mariners you might watch soccer too.) I think that’s going to be the critical mass for the sport - battling the NHL for fourth place - at least until Mexico invades.

Now back to our regularly scheduled sports.

WHITEY CHIMES IN:
How can one be expected to take a sport seriously when the coach is wearing a scarf? Whitey is sure there are people that will point to NFL Films to see Lombardi rocking a scarf, but that was due to the ice all around, and the 50 years of technology that has brought us warmth with thin layers. That was no fashion statement; that was survival. And they wore suits, hats, and ties also. And so did the people in the stands.

The only person Whitey has seen in a scarf besides the English coach was Mick, sitting with former President Clinton at the USA match. Whitey doesn't see Joe Torre rockin' a scarf, or the Zen Master going to ascot and top hat.

That said, England just got rocked by a spry young German squad. They got run off the pitch. Fortunately it's early Sunday, and the American soccer fans have no reason to be dragging on Monday. It's late evening in England, and there will be a smell of ‘still drunk’ if they show up to work at all. That's a bad defeat.

Sorry for the quality on this, but I couldn't resist. Be forewarned, if you double-click on the video you'll be directed to the site on YouTube where this was originally posted - and where there is quite lively commentary.

Big Shiny Things - Part 2!

2010-06-25T14:14:00.001-04:00

Three years ago we trotted out this poll twice, with the Lombardi Trophy and the Stanley Cup splitting the results. This year we actually have the World Cup to watch while we lambaste their lame trophy. It is solid gold, but whoever wins it doesn't get to keep it - probably because Brazil used to win the thing all the time and it was worth more than their currency - they get a gold plated replica.

There are a couple of golf trophies we could put on this (The Claret Jug, the U.S. Open trophy), but since no one ever votes for them I figured I'd just throw the Green Jacket on here. And did you know you can (well, could have) actually buy an authentic green jacket? Winning bid was just over $7K.

The sheer monstrosity of the Indy 500 trophy gets it in - sterling silver, almost five feet tall, 153 lbs, with a suggested retail price of around $1.3 million. All of our candidates are pictured in the previous post, or HERE. If your favorite's not there, just let us know and we'll add it. Fun for the whole family!

poll by twiigs.com

Big Shiny Things! Again!

2010-06-25T13:33:00.001-04:00

Soccered Out

2010-06-25T10:55:00.007-04:00

What you see on the right here is one of many very good reasons why soccer will never make it in the U.S. Well, a version of it. In the Ivory Coast v. Brazil game, Kaka was sent to the showers for having the audacity to let a guy run into him. You can see the real version HERE.

If the U.S. hadn't come up with a miracle goal in stoppage time the other day they'd be sitting at home right now, and we'd be discussing how they had not one, but two goals taken away from them by the referees. Unfortunately, this sort of thing tends to be the rule rather than the exception in soccer. And that's usually the adjective used, "unfortunate," as in "...that was an unfortunate call."

How about "ridiculous?" If some crazy call boots the U.S. in the game against Ghana (as it did the last time they played in the World Cup), we'll see how many people are all giddy about soccer.

U.S. fans, and especially the owners of the teams, simply wouldn't put up with shoddy officiating of this sort. There's a reason they use instant replay in practically every major sport now. Diva players taking swan dives would be mercilessly ridiculed. Guys rolling around on the field like they just got slapped with a shovel - no.

Grow up and we might consider calling you football, soccer. And ditch the freakin' horns already.

WHITEY'S TAKE:
Whitey checked the lunar schedule for the 25th. It's Whitey's day away from the baseball diamond, and he's looking for something to do. Golf? Pops is doing some project with his crew, and it's too hot to go play without him. So what could be relaxing?

Whitey headed out and clicked on the TV, and there it was: Portugal v. Brazil. Puss-Puss (Whitey's Cat) was begging for her morning fix of tuna. What she doesn't know is that she's getting her pill. However, she probably does need a 12 step program.

So Whitey's mind was still studying on the days activities because there was an uncomfortable feeling. Something Whitey couldn't put his finger on. Whitey poured himself a cup of Jaun's Best Bean and went to the chair. No more than two minutes in and yellow cards start flying. It's a chippy nil-nil match, and the announcers are speaking gibberish. But there it was, the answer for a relaxing day.

These soccer players remind me of a fish out of water when they bump into each other. "Quick, bring the gurney!" Wait two minutes later...he's back playing. Really. Whitey's goin' fishin'! If I go nil for the day, at least I'll move the worm back and forth without the medics working on my jig. And my ride home is gonna take me to a better place than where the North Korean soccer squad is headed.

Grunt Free Radio?

2010-06-25T01:13:00.002-04:00

Whitey was runnin' around taking care of this and that over the past three days. From time to time Whitey would be in a bar, house, car, or most likely on his iPhone, watching the tennis match that lasted 11+ hours. Whitey admits a desire to jump the Pond to see the Fortnight. However, upon reflection, Whitey would probably catch a 6-0, 6-0 drubbing by a chick that grunts louder than the chick she just squashed like a bug.

Also, in the car, Whitey's a radio guy. Give me Marty, Morgan, and most of all HR. So on that note, I found it absolutely mind numbing to listen to the soccer match on the radio. That's like trying to find a fly in the car, or is it a bee. Needless to say, Whitey was driving in his rearview mirror.

That said, Whitey will take that mind numbing buzz from 100,000 people before he would sit to listen to a grunt fest from a couple of chicks. Unless the sound is off. Some of them are kinda cute.

Sport or Skill? Cheerleading is a Sport!

2010-06-24T18:14:00.014-04:00

Not really, but it's a snazzy title. In the tradition of rehashing the same ideas over and over again we bring you the first and quite possibly last edition of Sport or Skill? A U.S. District Court will soon decide this issue concerning cheerleading thanks to Title IX, volleyball, Quinnipiac University, and…well go read about it HERE if you want.

Once upon a time when I was a bartender in Norfolk, Virginia, a guy on the correct side of the bar and I started a conversation which continues to this day. To wit: What makes something a Sport? While football is obviously considered a Sport, activities such as golf, tennis, even baseball (John Kruk and David Wells are often mentioned) hang around the fringes of the clique. So, without further ado, we give you some guidelines on how to determine if what you are doing is a Sport, or merely juggling.

NOTE: These are not mutually exclusive. That is, a Sport/Skill not qualifying in one category does not mean automatic disqualification. For those of you more interested in resolving this argument with an SAT-like approach go HERE. Have fun.

1. Number of Participants. If the activity requires more than one person per “team,” than you are most likely participating in a Sport. In order to succeed, all the members of one team must work together to achieve a common goal while simultaneously attempting to prevent the other team from achieving this goal.

Baseball and cricket are quirky exceptions to this since both teams can’t score at any given moment – one can’t score while playing defense. This rule prohibits activities such as golf, tennis, bowling, darts, etc. from being considered Sports. Water polo on the other hand - Sport.

There are many activities with teams, like cheerleading for example. Or synchronized swimming. What separates those activities is the fact that the team ‘performs’ absent direct competition. If pairs figure skating involved negotiating another pair of skaters trying to check them into boards while performing triple axels – well that might be a Sport. The other factor here is…

2. Scoring. This is vital. If your activity keeps score according to how often one team (or, in this case, an individual) achieves some certain goal, then your activity might be a Sport. In contrast, if success in your activity is determined by some arbitrary scoring system, like judges, not a Sport.

Time also falls into this category - one cannot merely be competing against the clock. According to this rule, gymnastics is not a Sport nor competitive diving or the 100 yard dash. Bowling, on the other hand, is a Sport along these lines.

But there are timed Sports. Consider soccer, basketball, football, or hockey. The crucial difference between these Sports and say, downhill skiing, is time really has nothing to do with determining a winner. If in the allotted time of a basketball game no one has scored a basket, they keep on playing. In contrast, a skier could crawl down the mountain to the finish line and whoever did it the fastest would be, voila, the winner.

This rule alone allows a whole host of board and card games into the realm of Sport. So we keep going…

3. Extraneous Objects Involved. If your activity involves the use of a ball or some ball-like object, it is most likely a Sport. This is a tricky one however. Pool (billiards), obviously involving the use of balls, ain’t a Sport.

The key here is one ball or many balls. If there is more than one ball on the “playing surface” of your activity “in play” at any given time, you are probably not engaged in a Sporting event (although dodge-ball…) Also at play here is the concept of everyone participating using the same ball, as happens in the case of baseball, football, soccer, and hockey.

In golf, bowling, lawn darts, croquet, etc., each competitor has their own “ball,” which may or may not make it a Sport, I haven’t decided. Actually in croquet and bocce, the competitors have their own balls but use them against each other on the field of play. Hmm…

Not acceptable uses of balls: rhythmic gymnastics and juggling. In these activities the ball is merely a decoration, and could feasibly be substituted with any random object - chainsaws for example.

4. Live Animals. If your activity involves the participation, willing or not, of some beast not a human being then it is not a Sport. Hunting, fishing, horse racing, calf roping...not Sports. Cock fighting is a Sport for the cock, not you.

Notice I said live animals. Bukashi involves a headless goat or calf which is played with like any random object. Thus, Bukashi is a Sport and I get to post the picture again which is probably why I started this whole thing. “Wait a minute,” you say. “Those chaps are riding horses in Bukashi.” True, as they are in polo as well. So, uh…maybe…I have no idea.

5. More Extraneous Objects. If you are in a car, truck, train, plane, or boat you are not participating in a Sport. Bicycle is close…but no. For the most part, all activities involving propulsion outside your own two feet involve time or are judged. If in the biathlon they shot at each other rather than little round targets, might be a Sport.

6. In its own special category is boxing, which I consider a Sport and qualifies for being one by satisfying absolutely none of the above requirements. Boxing is basically the root of every skill or sport without all of the extraneous wrappings – “I’m gonna kick your ass at…well, I’m just gonna kick your ass.”

The problem with boxing (or MMA) is the lame scoring system, which can be considered arbitrary at best (Rule 2). Go ahead and keep the timed rounds, fire the judges, and you’ll have the purest Sport there is.

If you can’t tell I sort of ran out of steam on this, and since no one is likely to have read this far I’ll leave it at that. You could throw in physical exertion, athleticism, blah blah blah, but I think they matter less than the above. That’s it.

Hey Sport?

2010-06-24T15:47:00.000-04:00

How many ways does one need to explain that there is a difference between a sport and an activity? Take the emotion of the fan out of the equation and look at the facts: sports and games are two different animals. Yes, games are a part of sport, but not vice versa.

No one throws a rook at the king to call checkmate. One does throw a ball to another person to complete a play. Swimming is an activity that can be timed, and so can a sprint. They race the same thing. A clock.

When was the last time a guy took the bump looking at his watch to see if he has to face Manny? Who throws a better ace: the lady at the card table or the SF Giants with Lincecom on the mound? How many checkers can a guy lose before he gets pulled by his manager?

Hunting isn't a sport. If it were it'd be called killing. It's an activity to get you away from the wife! Spelling Bee? Don't get me wrong I'm awful at it, but I've never cried about it. But baseball...yep.

Keep playing spades, dominoes, and all the games you can play with an adult beverage in your hand. Your paycheck doesn't depend on it. And for the majority of us that's why we play - activities - not sports.

PROFESSOR’S NOTE: I needled Whitey into starting this thread so I could expand upon it. There is at least one website dedicated to this idea [HERE] and numerous threads on other sites. I didn’t like any of them, most likely because I’m full of myself. So soon to follow will be a few of our guidelines to rule your sporting life.

App That?

2010-06-23T23:30:00.000-04:00

Whitey has just finished watching the TCU Horned Frogs eliminate the Seminoles and coming on right after is a replay of USA v. Algeria. If you have time to sit and watch this you have way too much time on your hands.

Maybe that time could be put toward a more purposeful use. Maybe there is a drawer in the garage that hasn't been opened for five years needs cleaning. Maybe there is a tabloid magazine in reach. Maybe there is a Star Trek Convention online! Maybe you spent the day wrapping the basement of your mother's house with tin foil to keep The Man from reading your thoughts.

Why not spend some time with someone you care about. Hug your kid, kiss your wife. Email a friend or just get some rest. We won. And if you didn't know...there's an app for that.

From a Bowl?

2010-06-23T11:14:00.003-04:00

Whitey is in the middle of his baseball season. 40 some odd games in six weeks. It's hot and humid. We don't get a lot of sleep and Whitey is really confused.

This morning Whitey heard that there is a chance, as slim as it is, there is still a chance that a team will be sent home and another sent to the elimination round by the casting of lots. Are you kidding me? They have jogged around kicking a ball for somewhere around 90 minutes, three times, and they pick a ball out of a hat to see who moves on? This is what "the World's Game" has for settling a tie?

Maybe The Professor can come up with a better reason than Whitey, because Whitey has a dirty word for his idea. Play-in-game. Decide it on the field, not out of a peanut bowl at the pub.

Go World Cup Yourself

2010-06-21T18:13:00.006-04:00

We have a lot of things going on in the Wide World of Sports: World Cup, U.S. Open, College World Series, NBA Draft, blah blah blah. We start here:

World Cup. There's no lack of story lines, as always seems to be the case. Brazil looks like they just need to show up to win. Same with Argentina. Portugal and Holland also looking quite good so far. Should be interesting to see who comes out of the Group G "Group of Death," with Brazil and Portugal in position to advance, but Ivory Coast could score 10 on North Korea and make it interesting.

Much more compelling is the meltdown of the French, a crazy call in the U.S./Slovenia game, and those freakin' horns. I laugh in the general direction of the French – they'll get no sympathy from anyone, especially the Irish, who got screwed out of a World Cup slot on a bad call in a qualifier. As for the U.S., the head of FIFA's referees committee, Jose Marcia Garcia-Aranda, had this defense in a press conference today:

"Some decisions are not good on the field of play and this is, for human beings, natural. We can't explain every decision. Our duty is to prepare them in the best way we can."

"Later, maybe with the benefit of 32 cameras and thousands of people assessing this kind of situation, we realize these decisions were not fully correct (but) the duty of the referees is not to explain their decision."

"The referees are there to try to implement the laws of the game on the field, not to explain every single situation. Otherwise they are not focused on the game; they are focused on the media. The best players in the world also make mistakes. It's wrong to say the credibility of football is in doubt." [From HERE]

I have highlighted a few curiosities. It appears referees have no "duty" to explain, well, anything. I find this a head scratcher for a few reasons.

I am under no disillusionment that the game I played in the '80's in Ohio bears only superficial resemblance to what's going in South Africa at the moment. That said, I don't remember referees making random calls absent explanation. In fact, I don't remember other World Cups where this was the case (may have happened, but I don't recall.)

Regardless, for the head of a committee in charge of enforcing the rules of a game to say they have no responsibility to explain how they go about doing so is mind boggling to say the least.

Garcia-Aranda claims, "We can't explain every decision." Which begs the question, why not? He goes even further, "…the duty of the referees is not to explain their decision." So, not only are they unable to explain referees' decisions, they seem to be under some obligation to not even try.

But here's what I think is the real kick in the jewels: "The referees are there to try and implement the laws of the game, not to explain every single situation. Otherwise they are not focused on the game…" This statement implies referees should not be required to explain any decision on the field; in fact, they should not even attempt to do so, because if they do they won't be able to do their job.

This seems to be an argument against a scenario that doesn't exist. You don't see players getting upset at every throw-in, corner kick, or even offside call. Sure there can be a moment or two of argument, but the games move on and are none the less for it.

However, when a call disallows a goal we have an entirely different scenario. Surely some sort of explanation is warranted when the referee waives off a goal due to some violation of the rules. Is it too much to ask that that referees explain how they "implement the laws of the game," especially in situations that clearly affect the outcome?

While I agree the referees should not be nit-picked on every call, there are calls and then there are calls. A close call at first base in the first inning is different than the same call in the bottom of ninth in a perfect game. A throw-in call at mid-field in the first half is decidedly different than waiving off a goal in the final minutes of a tie game, and has to merit some sort of explanation. Of the hundreds, if not thousands of calls made in the World Cup so far to ask for an explanation of one doesn't seem too much to ask.

As for the vuvuzelas, I'll leave that to Whitey.

Time Flys?

2010-06-20T21:30:00.012-04:00

It was four years ago, to the week. The Professor and Whitey were sitting in a bar. Great little place down from the Bearcat campus. At the time the Professor didn't have four TV's and we had to watch so many things. What to choose from. This is one of the best times of the year. We have the College World Series, NBA Finals, NHL Finals, the "Dog Days of Summer" making that adult beverage go down like Leon Spinks in a Mike Tyson fight.

We have the U.S. Open being played at Pebble Beach. Inter-league baseball looks to be a hit with the fans, and this year, like that one, gives life to the next breath of hope.

That's the World Cup. Whitey can't say he has watched more than 5 minutes of soccer, including commercials, in the past four years. Whitey thinks it's a great thing that the world has one thing that can bring us all together. However for the record, watching soccer is akin to watching a tennis match on some serious mind numbing substances. It's a game for the true fan.

Whitey is good with the guy who waits four years to be able to go get piss drunk at 9:00 in the morning while wearing his probably brand new jersey. Whitey just can't get the people who only just found out that the Ivory Coast isn't a rival of Irish Spring.

Face it.......soccer isn't going to take America by storm. This is just a wind that blows like the guy at the bar trying to impress the ladies with his soccer knowledge. Chicks dig soccer. They play it. They're better than the men, , not to mention kinda hot. However, Whitey digresses.

Let's just enjoy everything going on. It's summer, and winter is only a few months off. Take a few minutes to see the wonderful world around you. Just remember that the ground is usually hot; because hell hasn't frozen over and soccer will be a distant thought in 84 days. That's the start of The NFL. Enjoy your pint my friend.

Football v. Football

2010-06-19T21:54:00.017-04:00

We have all seen/heard about the great refereeing in the United States’ recent World Cup game versus Slovenia. I thought it would be an interesting study to consider if American football would adopt the some of the concepts apparent in the Rest-of-the-World’s football:

We now join the broadcast of a Patriot/Jets game in the final minute…

“Well John, Sanchez and his men still have a bit of work to do here if they want to pull level. He’s had some good touches but Belichick has managed a stellar game, thwarting the Men in Green’s every probe to keep a clean sheet.”

“Wha…”

“They’re faced with a challenging fourth go at it, needing 17 yards for a fresh slate and find themselves a daunting 42 yards from six.”

“The big thing here is for the line to give Sanchez time to look downfield. With one time out left, I think their best bet is to look to getting a first down, call time out, and then take a couple shots in the endzone. With 33 seconds left…”

“The Jets get their final marching orders from their leader and break ranks for the line of scrimmaging. Sanchez finds himself all alone for the long pass from the center man. Four options split wide…the Patriots appear to be mounting a bit of a challenge on the spot.”

“Look out for Cotchery here…”

“Sanchez receives the ball and here come the Pats! The backers of the line have broken through the front! Oh my! A strike! Sanchez and Cotchery rise to the challenge, a fresh set! And Ryan feels the need to talk this one over. The Men in Green will not go quietly into the night! When we come back, the Jets take aim from 24 yards.”

Commercials. Fill in your own, but one is for toothpaste. And Viagra…it’s still football. When we return to the action we find the Jets facing a third down from the Patriots’ 24 yard line down 7-0…

“…a situation which the New York side now find themselves due to the poor ball in the corner. The ball has been floating today for Sanchez…there has been considerable banter concerning the new Lombardi ball inserted in the playoffs, some saying it is the most oblong ball ever played.”

“Looks like a football to me Al, and…”

“Third and then some and the Men in Green need some magic now. Again, Sanchez will set himself a distance behind the ball. Options abound as he takes delivery! Edwards finds himself on a good path to the post! He delivers! Braylon Edwards has found Sanchez’s ball for six! But wait...the referee has tossed his flag onto the pitch! Oh, and this will take away the score! The referee has waived off the touch of downs! Here’s the call…”

“Holding, on the offense. Ten yard penalty, repeat third down.”

“Ryan is furious on the side. He’s called the official over for an explanation. A dagger, John. What do you think of that?”

“Watching the replay here…I don’t see any holding, or at least any holding that ain’t normal. I don’t see it, but maybe they saw something I didn’t.”

“Ryan is beside himself! The Jets will have to regroup here. Oh my! A score is given and taken away! The referee is waving everyone away, and Sanchez had better be careful lest he find himself a memory in this match. He’s been warned once; should he find himself with another the Jets will be looking to Clemens or O’Connell for the final strike.”

“That’s a bad call. I don’t see any holding there…I’m not sure what he’s looking at…”

“It’s an unreviewable penalty; even if we were to go to the eye replay you cannot review a call of holding. A bad break for the New York side. But here we go…the fourth try [we skipped ahead] and everything hangs on this.”

“I still can’t believe that call. That’s…”

“… a crushing blow to be sure. But here we go, this will be the final chance barring extra time.”

“Extra time?”

“Of course John, the referee can determine, based on whatever whim may fit his fancy, that we shall play on for a yet-to-be-announced period of time. So this may be it, or it may….

“What the…”

“And Sanchez has taken the ball! The clock will run dry as Sanchez is pressured to the outside! The pass escapes! Score!!! Cotchery has done the impossible and pulled his side within one!”

“Great catch by Cotchery, not everyone would be able to make that catch under pressure. Amazing...”

“Additional point is good! And…the referee signals that there will be one minute of extra time. One minute of stoppage time here…”

“What the &%$#...”

“So the Jets will have to play the ball into the Patriots end and see if they can stay the course. We’ll be back.”

Hmm…We have an interesting development here. Extra time. Kickoff. What will happen…more commercials.

“We’re all square here for the final minute in stoppage time. Kick away, and Brady’s boys look for an opening…stopped at the 31 yard mark. And the referee’s whistle ends the match! And a point to each team, a great result in the end for the New York Jets…”

“What? A tie? It’s the playoffs…”

“One point each for New England and New York. They will wait for the Minnesota New Orleans result, a birth in the Super Bowl hangs in the balance. What a…”

“What a…”

And while we all await results from the Minnesota New Orleans match-up, the referee gives no details on what appears, in video review, to be a phantom holding call. No matter, these things happen and there might have been holding by someone, somewhere. Should we have to play on, well, field goals would be a good way to decide this…

I’m taking Holland, TCU, and maybe we shouldn’t count the Woods guy out.

Whitey and the NCAA

2010-03-31T10:42:00.004-04:00

Whitey has been using mathematical formulas from a friend at NASA; trying to come to a number that will split 347, leaving a remainder of 1. Yes these are the things that plaque my mind. Somehow, someway there has to be a way to be fair to "Little Johnny". Well sometimes in the big boy world, somebody gets left out. It may be the nerd in middle school that gets left out. Seems to me some of those guys found a thing called the Internet. Like.....mmmmm. Bill Gates, Mark Cuban, and something about an iThingy.

It all comes out in the wash. At some point Johnny has to go to compete for something. A job, a sale, something, and he will fall, or succeed on his own. He will be rewarded, and sometimes not, but he'll figure it out. We all do to some degree or another. For the past decade or so the NCAA has had 64 teams in March Madness. In the past few years they have added a 64-65 play in game. And that solved????

Now at a fevered pitch, there is a drive to take it to 96. The paper that has the ratio of 96:347 is under the pile of papers on the floor from the number crunching. Again, what would that solve? Has there been a 1- 16 upset in NCAA history? So what is adding 32 teams worse than the 64/65th best teams going to solve? Maybe Johnny should be on the 347th best team in the country, and have a shot to win the National Championship. Remember we are still in "big boy" land. So I'll just say; Really!

Not everyone gets a trophy. There is no number that will satisfy the schools that get left out. There is no number that makes it all better. Somebody has to be left out. Wouldn't it seem just a little easier to take the regular season champs, and the tournament champ of each of each conference in the country, and let them have at it. The regular season has meaning, and the teams that are hot going into March can win the tourney to get in. Johnny's team shouldn't get a chance to play post season unless they earn it.

One would say that football get a bowl bid at 6-6. True, but the bowls don't allow you to play for the championship. There are two that have that honor to play, and one that will hold the trophy high. A tourney with diluted talent shouldn't be sanctioned by the NCAA. Sometimes, enough is enough. Sorry Johnny. Better luck next year.

Whitey Returns

2010-03-03T08:45:00.000-05:00

After a long stint on the DL; Whitey has sprung back into spring. The first baseball of the year is being played on every ball field that isn't covered with snow. The Florida Gators had last weekend off due to the snow in the northeast. This season Whitey will keep a close eye on Baseball from Tobacco Road.

Things seem to be winding down from the Tiger saga, and Whitey has just one thing to say: the guy cheated in his wife. Not you! Not the game. He doesn't owe you a thing. Whitey for one would like to see him on the course once again, but family first.

Another small note from 'in between the lines.' LeBron James beat the deadline to change his jersey number to 6. Why would he do that if he was going to New York.....New York? Plan on the Diesel to be back just in time to face Orlando in the playoffs.

Free Agency starts up in the NFL, and Labor/Owners don't see eye to eye right now. Without players, no revenue. Look for an agreement before the deadline.

Most of all, welcome back to baseball! It's been way too long. Whitey's arm is getting alot of workout throwing batting practice and hitting fungos. Maybe he could catch on with a club, just to smell the joe.

What's New?

2008-02-26T20:00:00.002-05:00

Every once in a while life hangs a curve ball and you get to drive it over the fence. The Professor got a good swing, and planted it in the bleachers. Now it is Whitey's turn to get some chalk on his spikes.

I have two nieces and four nephews. One of my nephews became deaf at the age of two. He had a cochlea implant and has done very well. He is going to have the second implant put in in a month or so, and I have moved to Tobacco Road for the time being. Yes, I'm down here in ACC territory.

I started the process of moving thinking mostly of my sister and nephew however, the best was yet to come. Just a stones throw from the house is the TEAM USA training facility, N.C. State is a driver and a wedge from the house, and the Tar Heels are playing at the USA facility this season. There is baseball everywhere.

The best story I've heard about my nephew was from my sister. Micah went to his first baseball game two summers ago. Being from Norfolk, just down the road from the Durham Bulls, my sister loves baseball. That said, the game they attended was a pitcher's duel - not much action. After the 7th inning my sister said it was time to go. Micah asked if the game was over, to which she replied no. He wanted to watch every pitch, every play. There was no way he was getting up from this - through the 9th and into the 12th inning.

By this time my sister was assured that he would be ready to go. Not so fast my friend. And as if it was just a made up story....it had a classic ending with a walk-off home run by the Bulls, complete with fireworks. After the game on the ride home my sister asked Micah how he liked the game, and his response could bring you to tears. He said it was the first time he could understand a game. All because the umpire called balls, strikes, and outs. He didn't need to hear - he watched.

He loves baseball so I'm sure we'll see more than a few games. UNC is actually hosting Gardner -Webb this season, so the whole family will be at that game. With the second implant, Micah will be able to triangulate sound and background noise will be minimized. It's quite interesting. If you would like to read more on Micah, please check out my brother in law 's live journal the Noetic Toe. I look forward to seeing alot of baseball...and I'll have a couple of nephews in tow. I can't wait.

Reality TV?

2008-02-13T19:01:00.000-05:00

I was sitting in history class on the morning of the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster. The teacher had cut on the TV and we were witnesses to history. It was unbelievable then, but thinking of the physics of the whole thing it's not out of the question. Space travel is very dangerous and I applaud the men and women that put their lives on the line who know all too well the danger.

The crew of the Space Shuttle Columbia knew the risk and paid the ultimate price. I watched that on the television also. I watched Discovery's night launch yesterday evening from my dock in Florida. It was like there was a small sun lighting the entire night sky, light reflecting off the water that was smooth as glass. I remember thinking how neat it was when John Glenn became the oldest person at 77 to space travel in 1998. This wasn't the first time he had gone into space, he was the first - 1962, sorry I missed that one. I hadn't been born, but I've seen it on film.

Growing up near NASA, space has always been something interesting to me. It was an annual school trip through the tunnel to Langley for the tour. I'm by no means an authority on the reasons for strapping yourself into a seat attached to a rocket. Go up and down, and risk your life with full knowledge that you could explode at anytime. Glenn returned to earth with a parachute and landed in the ocean. That's staring death in the face and grinning.

Today there is a good chance that the Rocket named Roger will explode, right on the screen, in front of all of us. The U. S. Senate is having hearings today surrounding the Mitchell Report. The reality TV is here and now. Roger Clemens has attorneys advising him, and I know that he is aware of the danger he faces. Will he invoke the Fifth? If he doesn't, he will either be telling the truth or lying. If he stays with his story, he may be in for a Federal investigation for perjury. He knows the stakes, his chips are on the table, insert your own cliche here.

Most people love a train wreck, and if your one of them, tune in today and watch one. I for one am not a rubber-necker, but for this, even I have to watch.

Pedro and The Cocks

2008-02-10T20:08:00.000-05:00

If only we had camera phones in Babe Ruth's day...

Pedro Martinez was caught on tape last week at a cock fight in the Dominican Republic which, according to Pedro, he was invited to by Juan Marichal. There appears to have been a video circulating of the two at some event (Pedro claims the video shows an evening of fun from two years ago), but the video has been removed from every site I have visited. Oh well.

Regardless, the question seems to concern the amount of ire Pedro should draw from this episode. I believe he had a legitimate reason for attending, but have no sympathy for him concerning the wrath he has brought upon himself.

The interesting aspect of this story involves the parallels drawn in certain circles between cock fighting and dog fighting - and thus the Michael Vick fiasco. Here's a quick rundown of some pertinent points:

It's part of the culture. This argument is a good one, except for the fact that cock fighting is legal in the Dominican. Thus, the Dominican Republic can be viewed as giving cock fighting a stamp of legitimacy, something dog fighting most definitely does not have here in the U.S. Notice I did not say that cock fighting is right, or morally sound, or any other term of approval. I would harbor a guess that Pedro would not attend a cock fight in say, Long Island. Michael Vick knew what he was doing was illegal. And from what I have gathered Juan Marichal is treated like a minor deity in the D.R. To refuse an invite of one of your idols to attend an event that has been approved by the country in which you were born and raised may be a bit, I don't know, strange.
Quote from Pedro: "I was invited by my idol Juan Marichal to attend the event as a spectator, not as a participant." Well, this statement has a good side and a bad side. Michael Vick wasn't technically "a participant." Or was he? He trained the dogs, bet on the dogs, funded a battle-ground for the dogs, and (purportedly) actively participated in killing more than a few dogs. I'd assume Pedro shows up at these cock fights in the off season on a lark. I doubt he returns home to breed pugilistic fowl.
What do you eat? Curiously (or sadly) this will probably save Pedro any serious backlash over this issue, although I'll bet you he sees chickens in every ballpark from now on. Here in the U.S. dogs have a status afforded no other animal save cats, and maybe horses to some degree. We eat chickens. We eat alot of chickens. We have entire restaurant chains dedicated to serving chicken. The fact that some other country allows the common folk to engage roosters in mortal combat is not going to compel us to close the Embassy. (Side note: The Chinese government has told restaurants in Beijing to stop serving or advertising dog in any way during the upcoming Olympic games.) I'd venture a guess that the cocks fighting in the Dominican are better cared for than 95% of their counterparts in the U.S. At least they are given a fighting chance...{Don't believe me? Read this.}

The argument to culture is an important one - and a dicey one. Should we impose our cultural norms upon others? Barbie dolls are illegal in Saudi Arabia. Ridiculous? Maybe. Cock fighting is a part of Dominican culture. And legal. Dog fighting is not legal in the U.S. Claiming an argument to cultural norms requires one to examine the norm. If an illegal activity can be considered the norm, such as drinking might have been during prohibition, then a society's laws more often than not change to reflect public sentiment. Often such laws are ignored and slowly no one continues to enforce them. Otherwise these actions are considered subversive and abnormal - and illegal.

Should Pedro have attended a cock fight? Probably not. Is it going to ruin his public image? Doubtful. He's Dominican. Dominicans approve of that stuff. Michael Vick is an American, and he has had to deal with American culture. Name an endorsement Pedro stands to lose. Will you refuse to go to games in which he pitches?

If you want to get really mad, check THIS OUT. This magazine, Grit and Steel, is published out of South Carolina by someone insane. The website mentions "The Pit Master," which is reassuring. It also has a reference to a Bible verse, John 13:34-35, which, of course, I looked up:

34 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I had to cross check that one twice. I'm speechless.

Whitey and Reggie Sanders

2008-02-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

Whitey's comments in a previous post concerning Reggie Sanders and his Hall of Fame credentials deserve more than the parting shot I gave them in the article. Most Reds fans remember Reggie best in a pose similar to the one on the left - on the bench.

While Sanders has some nice stats (Whitey mentioned his 300/300 HR/SB), I remember his memorable performance in the 1995 playoffs: 29 at-bats, 19 strikeouts. He eventually put up some decent post-season numbers for Arizona, San Francisco, and St. Louis - playing in the World Series for all those teams - but his overall post-season stats are less than impressive. In 14 post-season series, Reggie batted a stellar .195 in 221 at-bats. He managed 43 hits, striking out 79 times.

"Ah, but what about the regular season?" you say. Sanders' lifetime batting average is .267. He has 1666 lifetime hits - and 1614 strikeouts. His strikeout total is good enough to rank him 21st on the all-time list. #1? Reggie Jackson, with 2597 K's which is 13 more than his total hits. But which Reggie would you rather have standing at the plate in October...

Pigeons

2008-02-09T11:56:00.002-05:00

The FedEx ad featuring pigeons (which aired during the Super Bowl and can be seen HERE) piqued my interest in, well, pigeons. Growing up in Cincinnati, I had the opportunity to visit the Cincinnati Zoo on many occasions. One of the most striking exhibits is actually a memorial to the last known passenger pigeon, Martha.

Now, the ad explicitly states that the enterprising young office worker has employed carrier pigeons not passenger pigeons. Unbeknownst to me they are two different pigeons:

Passenger Pigeons are native, wild North American Pigeons while Carrier Pigeons (more appropriately known as Homing Pigeons) are domestic pigeons that were trained and used in WWII to carry messages. They are totally different birds! Homing Pigeons are still popular used today in the sport of Racing Pigeons and seldom used to carry messages today. [SOURCE]

Learn something new everyday. And in an effort to learn y'all something as well, I present the demise of two birds (from a list of eight in the book), from The New Book of Lists:

4. Passenger Pigeon, September 1, 1914
These brownish grey pigeons were once so numerous that a passing flock could darken the sky for days. As recently as 1810, an estimated 2,230,272,000 pigeons were sighted in one flock. But massive hunting by settlers and a century of forest destruction eliminated the passenger and its native forest habitat. In 1869, 7,500,000 pigeons were captured in a single nesting raid. In 1909, a $1,500 reward was offered for a live nesting pair, but none could be found. Martha, the last of the passenger pigeons, died of old age, September 1, 1914, in the Cincinnati Zoo.

5. Carolina Parakeet, February 21, 1918
The striking green and yellow Carolina parakeet was once common in the forests of the eastern and southern United States, but because of the widespread crop destruction it caused, farmers hunted the bird to extinction. The last Carolina parakeet, an old male, named Incas, died in the Cincinnati Zoo February 21, 1918. The zoo's general manager believed it died of grief over the loss of Lady Jane, its mate of 30 years, the previous summer.

This isn't meant to be an ad for the conservation efforts of the Cincinnati Zoo, but if you're ever in Cincinnati I highly advise you check the place out. My favorite is the Insect House. And since this post is apparently meandering out of my control, it ends here.

Professor's Note?

2008-02-09T08:27:00.000-05:00

I agree with the Professor on the Hall. You ARE or ARE NOT a Hall of Famer. Nobody gets a stat after retirement, so what is it that changes the voters' minds?

I do so enjoy tweaking the Professor with statements that are idiotic. I attempt to get under his skin every once in a while, just to get a rant.

You should see the looks he gives me - priceless!

Bonds Decline?

2008-02-08T20:00:00.000-05:00

Spring Training is not too far off and there are a few FREE AGENTS still on the market. One flying under the radar is Barry Bonds. He is ranked as the 4th best free agent of 2008. There are only 10 free agents in the Top 50 left unsigned. Six of the unsigned are pitchers, four position players.

Ranked 24th is Shannon Stewart (33), who played left field for the A's last season for a one year, 1 million dollar contract. He played in 142 games, but after a shoulder injury he is considered a defensive liability. In 12 years of play he has 114 Home Runs, so I don't see him as a good DH.

At 25th, we have Kenny Lofton (40 years young). This guy just gets it done. 17 years, 11 teams, three times in Cleveland and still hitting at a .300 clip. You may see him in the playoffs - maybe even the League Championship.

Last, but not 50th, coming in at 46th is Reggie Sanders (40 years old). He missed the 2007 season after surgery. He is one of six guys in the 300 - 300 Club - 300 home runs and 300 stolen bases, with the likes of Willie Mays, Andre Dawson, Bobby Bonds, Steve Finley, and the guy at #4. We will have to see what camp he shows up in, but there is a good chance Reggie is done. Great career, and should get into Hall of Fame, but not on the first ballot.

[Professor's Note] This ridiculous claim by Whitey - that Reggie Sanders should be in The Hall - cannot go unnoted. I feel that not only is it absurd to mention Sanders and the Hall in the same sentence, it is asinine to claim he should get in "...but not on the first ballot." This rationale has existed, in much higher circles than here, for quite some time. The argument goes pretty much how Whitey put it, that some players aren't 'First Ballot' Hall of Famers.

I believe either you are a Hall of Famer or you are not. None of this first ballot bull. Again, this crap has been floated out there for years by the writers who vote. If a player is a Hall of Famer, then he's a f%$^&in' Hall of Famer. Don't wait for the year when no one automatic is up for election and you have to "vote for someone..." Screw that. Don't belittle our great game by electing mediocre players in off years. Back to Whitey...

Barry Bonds (43 years?) is the All Time Home Run King and can't get a gig. He is a liability in the field, and the clubhouse, but in the box he is as good as it gets. Chances are he is going to jail for perjury. If so the price of Bonds will drop - like a stone!

Rocket's Red Glare?

2008-02-07T18:25:00.000-05:00

After the Mitchell Report came out, I told the Professor that I was not going to comment on it until it came to a conclusion. Well, the court of public opinion has already found Roger Clemens guilty of some type of performance enhancing use. On the drive to the lunch meeting we were going to, I asked the Professor to indulge my musing on this theory.

I started by saying that I thought Brian McNamee was a weasel; the kind of guy that hangs out at the local gym pumping iron with his crew of muscle heads. In the years that McNamee worked with the Rocket I'm sure that he injected something into Roger. He has admitted to being injected. This is where it gets shady.

There are reports that seven years after the alleged action, McNamee has turned over vials, syringes, and gauze pads with steroids, HGH, and blood on them. I'm sure that they were kept in evidentiary condition.

Imagine working out and being approached by a personal trainer. He seems to have your best interests at heart, and you have the means to hire him. After working out a lot of athletes inject B-12 and lidocaine [the same thing you get at the dentist] into their system in order to speed the absorption, just like a physician would inject an antibiotic or give you an oral treatment. The injection is faster and easier on the body.

After working out with your trainer he gives you a pill that he says is a supplement, and a safe one at that. Shortly thereafter you are recovering at a good rate and working harder in your sessions. Like most people in the world who take daily pills, I would get a shot once a month instead of having to worry about my liver and kidneys working overtime. Your trainer gives you this as an option - and you bite.

The supplement pill works, but the injections work faster and you get into better shape. Getting into shape is the reason you have the trainer in the first place. Your feeling like you're on top of the world and do your job with energy to spare. I don't think you are changing anything in you regiment, and know you're referring all your friends to your trainer. His business is booming and he is getting paid.

Since most of us don't have the cash flow that Roger Clemens has, one must think in grander scale. With his endorsement of the trainer, Brian McNamee was hired by the New York Yankees. Now he has 25 highly paid athletes looking for his services. As we have found out, some of them bit also. Andy Pettite has admitted to using HGH, supplied by McNamee. Most of the names in the Mitchell Report were Yankees.

McNamee has since been busted for steroid distribution. In a plea bargain with Federal Prosecutors, McNamee agreed to cooperate. He was deposed by Senator Mitchell for the Report in which he gave names of numerous MLB players, one of whom was Roger Clemens, the guy who was his ticket to the "Bigs." The biggest chum line in the boat, that would certainly help in leniency from the judge.

Roger Clemens lawyered up and mounted a defense. Now it's Roger v. McNamee. That's a fancy way of saying, "It's on!" The media asks if you're innocent. Sue? Well, Roger has now filed a civil suit against McNamee and only after Roger Clemens goes under oath, in Congress, does this 'evidence' show up. What kind of a person keeps something like used syringes and vials? How was it stored? Where was it stored? And for the sake of audience, I'll stop with this question: If you kept it, why only Roger Clemens junkie kit and not Andy Pettite, or anyone else?

McNamee goes under oath today at Congress. He releases this material the day before his testimony. He has to stick to his story, or he goes to jail for a long time. Where was this evidence when he talked to Senator Mitchell? Jack Ford of True TV, formerly known as COURT TV, was interviewed by Mike & MIKE in the Morning. His opinion was that it was in no way admissable in court, but that means real court. Public opinion is a whole 'nother animal. Nevertheless, it is out there now.

Roger Clemens has asked to come back to Congress and rebut the testimony of Brian McNamee. That sounds like a showdown in front of the Congress and the world. The Senators will give their scripted baseball stories and their opinions, pro and con...basically grandstanding like they don't have anything better to do, but that is another story.

Is it possible McNamee has manufactured evidence to make his story sound better in public, and keep himself out of jail? What it all comes down to is Roger Clemens v. Brian McNamee. Mano y Mano. Roger dotted his own kid in batting practice after hitting a pitch over the wall. Brian McNamee is now in the box, lookin' out at the Rocket's Red Glare, and the only thing he can hope for is that the gauze is more historical than the "Shroud of Turin!"

Don't forget history?

2008-02-06T20:03:00.000-05:00

There will be people, primarily in the New York area, that will hail this Giants team as the team that pulled off the biggest upset in the history of sports. That can't be farther from the truth. The Giants won that game. The Patriots didn't choke, they got beat.

If you follow that logic the first time these teams was played an epic, in the 17th and final week of the season. The score differential was 3 points in favor of the Patriots. Both teams had nothing to play for. They were both in the playoffs and couldn't lose their seed. Neither of the teams pulled starters in the second half, which is common in the final week.

These teams met for a rematch in the Super Bowl five weeks later. The score differential was the same, but this time in the favor of the Giants. So in the scheme of things, they split. Yes, the Giants won the important game, and with a stellar defensive exhibition that beat Tom Brady senseless. I guess I'll continue to follow the old adage that "Defense Wins Championships." Seems to ring true.

What isn't true is that it was the greatest upset in sports. New York just wants to forget having to swallow that series that went from up 3-0 against the Red Sox, to making tee times early for the "Boys in Pinstripes." Boston went on to exorcise the "Curse of the Bambino," and now seems to own the Bronx Bombers.

I'm as happy as I can be for Eli, who six weeks ago was a bust to the majority of the media and the fans that praise him today. I'm glad Micheal Strahan got his ring, and Jeff Feely, who is now the oldest player to win, or play, in a Super Bowl. Tom Coughlin changed his coaching style and leaned on his veterans to guild the player - coach dynamic. Worked out well.

I'm not thrilled that I'll have to hear Mercury Morris for the next 20 years. He must sit around all day to write the catch phrase for the next time he is relevant: "Serenity Now!" Somehow he forgets to inform people that he led the team with 8 fumbles in 1972, and he spent time in the can for cocaine trafficking in the late 80's. His stat spikes during '72, and '73 are Bonds-like.

All the media that lift the dust covered note pad in the corner every time a team gets to 13-0 to find Mercury's phone number seem to forget to ask about his entire history. Maybe Congress could investigate whether or not the 1972 Dolphins team was jacked out of their minds. The NFL had no drug policy then, but when has that stopped Congress?

Finally, I'll just say: Buster Douglas.

Fear the Monkey

2008-02-05T22:24:00.000-05:00

I have this little item on my desktop homepage which refers to itself as, "How to of the Day." Fine. Usually it offers banal instructions on how to do things that no one really needs to do, like cutting radishes to look like roses.

Today, however, it has swerved disturbingly off course - step-by-step instructions on how to create this monstrosity:

That, my good friends, is what's known to at least one person as a "Towel Monkey." Whitey thinks it looks like "Towel Predator" and I tend to agree with him.

Should you want to turn your bath towels into the stuff your kids' nightmares are made of, go HERE. If you ever see one these things, I advise you wet it down and whip whoever made it. Be sure to scream like a gibbon in the process so they don't think you're completely unappreciative of their effort.

Super Bowl Fun

2008-02-03T19:59:00.000-05:00

For once the game far out-shined the commercials. A couple highlights but really average overall. The Declaration of Independence opening was new for me...I guess they've done this for a couple years now. Obviously I've missed it. I'm not sure what the impetus was (9/11?), but it was a nice little civics lesson before my sporting event.

Enough! The commercials...

Ford. Attach chains to front tow-hooks. Swing truck in giant centrifuge. Prove strength of tow-hooks. Fantastic. Next time I need to use a pick-up in the hammer throw I'll know where to turn.
Chase. I'm rock climbing..."Whoa, is that my phone?" Why, yes it is. "Well, I'm obviously gonna have to answer that NOW, 300 feet in the air...Hey, it's someone from my bank telling me I'm almost out of money so I better transfer..." Next time your bank calls you, hell, ANYONE calls you while you're scaling a sheer mountain face remember you have an extremely valid excuse not to answer.
Under Armour. Under Armour likes ridiculously melodramatic commercials in which athletes appear positioned to change the course of humankind. The Matrix-like scenario in this one continues the trend. I have to hand it to them though, they make money hand over fist with this stuff.
Life Water. Lizards. Drinking Life Water. Then they dance with...is that someone famous? That is Thriller. What is the product again? And what's up with the lizards? I swear I thought this was going to be an ad for Geico.
Sales Genie. Whoo boy, someone's gonna be fired over this. GardenBurger shot their ad budget and then some during the Super Bowl a few years back and it paid off. I'm sure Sales Genie is hoping to catch the same lighting in a bottle. Good luck with that. Wow, the panda ad is even worse.
Budweiser. It's a horse! It's Rocky! It's going on waaaaay toooo looooooong.....Some people will like this. I am not one of them.
Garmin. Napoleon needs directions. Imagine the marketing folks discussing this..."So, it's Napoleon, in some European car you see, and he's using Garmin for directions to the front you see...and then when he gets there he hides his Garmin contraption see, and then, get this, they bring him a pony!" Hilarious.
GMC. Cartoon dude pushing a rock uphill. The theme is, "Never say never." I thought this ad was going the way of an investment company and turns out it's for the Yukon. Waaaay over the top. It's an SUV, not the cure for cancer.
Bud Light. Lots of Bud Light commercials. The cheese and wine dinner was ok. The rest were ho-hum, although I did like the bottle opener in the caveman one. And Will Farrell was good.
Bridgestone. The screaming animal commercial was interesting, but the one with Alice Cooper and Richard Simmons was pretty good. Don't know whether I'll go shopping for new tires based on that though.
Go Daddy. Danica Patrick! Undressing! Go check it out! I believe Go Daddy has done this before, I guess they think these stunts work. And no, I didn't go check it out.
Audi. The Godfather commercial was one one of my favorites. That car looked pretty good. Too bad everyone I know who has owned an Audi has had nothing but problems with them. For the rest of you, feel free to shop unencumbered.
Dell. Dell had an ad for some computer in which I was more interested in whether or not that was a new Stones song they were playing than the actual computer.
ETrade. No more talking babies. Please.
NFL. Probably the best ad I saw was for the NFL itself. Chester Pitts goes from playing the oboe to playing in the NFL. True? I guess so, but who cares?
Coke. I liked the Charlie Brown balloon, although I thought it just a bit shy of great. The Carville/Frist ad was ok.

There were others. The Pepsi Justin Timberlake fiasco. Shaq playing a jockey for....I don't remember. Vitamin Water? The T-Mobile (?) Barkley/D-Wade ad was ok. Overall they were all just that - ok. Maybe next year. Like I said, at least the game was memorable.

This just in.

2008-02-03T10:08:00.000-05:00

Yes Virginia, there is baseball goin' on right now. The Caribbean World Series started yesterday with the Dominican Republic - who is fielding two freakin' teams - proving why it gets two teams by rolling in the opening games. There are four teams in the CWS this year: the two D.R. teams, Mexico, and Venezuela. From what I can gather there are (at least) four separate leagues south of the border: the Mexican League, the Dominican League, Venezuelan League and the Puerto Rican League. I assume there is a Cuban League, but it appears they either haven't been good enough to make it or have been banned since around 1960 (there was no CWS held between 1961-1969). I'd bet on latter. There may be a Panama League too.

I believe the Series operates as a Round Robin tournament, with each team playing six games. The one with the best record brings home the hardware. Thus, it is possible for the final games of the Series to actually mean nothing as the champion has already been decided.

Someone may know how these teams qualify for this, but that someone is not me. Again, I'd assume the teams have to win their respective leagues but that doesn't explain how the Dominicans got two invites. It appears the U.S. was involved in this thing at some point (and may still be...) as the finals were held in Miami in 1990 and 1991.

If you're lucky enough to have ESPN Deportes beamed into your home, I highly recommend you check some of these games out. The list of players who have, and currently are, participating in the CWS reads like a hallway in Cooperstown: Frank Robinson, Rod Carew, Satchel Paige, Roberto Clemente and current players like Pedro Martinez, Vladimir Guerrero, and David Ortiz. Even if some of the names are unfamiliar chances are they won't be for long.

I'm not sure why ESPN doesn't broadcast the CWS on one of their mainstream channels. I know I'd watch. The schedule is below:

Saturday, Feb. 2:
Dominican Republic (2) 6 Venezuela 4
Mexico 6 Dominican Republic (1) 13
Sunday, Feb. 3:
Dominican Republic 2 @ Mexico 3:00 PM EST
Dominican Republic 1 @ Venezuela 7:00 PM EST
Monday, Feb. 4:
Venezuela @ Mexico 3:00 PM EST
Dom. Rep. 1 @ Dom. Rep. 2 7:00 PM EST
Tuesday, Feb. 5:
Venezuela @ Dominican Republic 2 3:00 PM EST
Dominican Republic 1 @ Mexico 7:00 PM EST
Wednesday, Feb. 6:
Mexico @ Dominican Republic 2 3:00 PM EST
Venezuela @ Dominican Republic 1 7:00 PM EST
Thursday, Feb. 7:
Mexico @ Venezuela 3:00 PM EST
Dom. Rep. 2 @ Dom. Rep. 1 7:00 PM EST

At last...

2008-02-02T22:10:00.001-05:00

Fear not faithful readers, Whitey & The Professor have not disappeared, merely relocated. Less than two weeks until our beloved game begins a new season...

I have been slacking on the political commentary which I promise to correct. Alas, my Republican preview never materialized but I promise fearless, scathing insight into the potpourri of wannabe Presidents we have before us.

And some Super Bowl commentary, probably on the best part - the commercials.

The Professor returns....

Happy New Year?

2008-01-16T11:59:00.000-05:00

Well; not until the the clock runs down...........

Merry Christmas...

2007-12-19T05:19:00.000-05:00

Thanks Coach.

2007-12-18T04:45:00.000-05:00

NCAA football is one shifty, big business. Yet again this year we have no playoff in place (for the BCS), and yet again head coaches seem to treat jobs like they're junior-high relationships. Here's a run-down of some the recent changes we have seen:

Rich Rodriguez. Leaves West Virginia for Michigan. Good choice for him. Look for West Virginia players like Pat White and Steve Slaton to take a much more serious look at the NFL now. One rumor on a West Virginia website ponders current Alabama head coach Nick Saban as a possible replacement for Rodriguez. Shocked? Not really. Should Saban seriously consider the offer, it would be his fourth team in the past four years (LSU, Miami Dolphins, Alabama).

Bobby Petrino. Leaves the Atlanta Falcons for Arkansas. Petrino was hired after the Arkansas faithful ran Houston Nutt out of town (now at Mississippi). This one has gotten much play in the press, mostly for the ridiculous way in which it was handled by Petrino. Petrino left Louisville after last season to coach the Falcons for 13 games this year before bolting to Fayetteville. That's three teams, two years. Don't unpack Bobby.

Urban Meyer left Utah for Florida. This means Ron Zook, who was canned at Florida after having the unenviable job of replacing Steve Spurrier, moved to Illinois. The Ole Ball Coach, by the way, left Florida for the Washington Redskins where he had his head handed to him and promptly returned to the SEC in South Carolina. Weeee!

Mark Dantonio leaves Cincinnati for Michigan State (in one of those "Right before the bowl game" moves last year, ala Rodriguez this year), prompting Brian Kelly to leave Central Michigan for Cincinnati. This scenario plays itself out every year in what I like to call Food Chain Coaching - Big Guy eats Mid-Major Guy's coach who in turn eats Even Smaller Guy's coach.

You get the idea. There are a couple of interesting points that appear when one looks at patterns in head coaching at the college ranks. Of course, I will discus those here...

Contract? What contract? Maybe you heard this from your favorite head coach recently, "I have no intentions of leaving. I am committed to bringing a winner to (insert school)." Or, "I have not been contacted by (insert higher Food Chain school)." Do not believe a word of it. Did your favorite school's head coach just sign a long-term deal? For lots o' cash? Be worried, as that acts as blood in the water for the Big Guys circling the head coach feeding pool.
The Players? Ha! How coaches like Saban and Petrino expect to recruit after strapping everyone in for a carnival ride I have no idea. What I find most disturbing about football coaches flipping teams like this is how the players are expected, no compelled, to ride it out. Not only has Mr. Changing-My-Mind-Tomorrow recruited these kids to play at their university with some obviously specious arguments, the players were, and are, expected to live up to their commitment to play at said university unless they would like to accept some rather extreme penalties. The message? Graduate, get a job, and feel free to blatantly lie to any and everyone to get what you want.
The NFL? Don't do it. Unless you're going to Dallas. Like NCAA basketball and the NBA (Rick Pitino anyone?), NCAA football is not a breeding ground for future NFL coaches. Don't believe me? Ask Lou Holtz. Or Steve Spurrier, Nick Saban, Rich Brooks, Pete Carroll...and mentioning Pete Carroll...
It's the program, not the coach. Maybe, but I highly doubt it. Success breeds more success in NCAA football and, as recent history would suggest, just being Notre Dame does not give you the right to actually win football games. I heard Beano Cook this morning on ESPN radio running down the top college football programs and was struck by how wrong I think he is. It's the coach, not the program, which seems to bring success. Should Florida trade Urban Meyer for Dave Shula, I doubt they are in for many winning seasons. Anyone think if Pete Carroll leaves USC for, let's say, Texas, he wouldn't take all USC's success with him? If you still think some schools have a god-given right to victory, remember that as of the third weekend in November this year we had Missouri and Kansas playing a game with National Championship implications. Where were they ranked in the preseason? Ha! Instead of ranking the top programs in college football, we should rank the top coaches.

Enjoy your coach while you have him folks, he may be on the next train to, well, somewhere else.

7 for 07?

2007-12-15T11:59:00.000-05:00

Michael Vick - Vick received a 23 month sentence after pleading guilty to two felonies stemming from housing a dog fighting kennel in his backyard. Literally. Vick and his homeys got time in the can after the cousin of Vick, who lived Vick's Surry County Virginia house, got busted for Hippie Lettuce. After serving the warrant at the house, the authorities discovered the aptly named operation "Bad Newz Kennels". Without funding from Vick, the entire operation would not have existed. After all his boys dropped the dime on him, he entered his plea. See him around October 2009.
Steroids - Of course, the Mitchell Report is fresh in our collective conscience, and while most people haven't read more than three paragraphs the popular sentiment is "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" Wait. Everyone just keep your powder dry. Jose Canseco went 10 for 10 in his book "Juiced". However, he is still trying to get his next book published, so there is an agenda with anything he says at this point. He stated in an interview on the FOX Business Network that the Mitchell Report was incomplete, and that he never saw Roger Clemens in the steroid crowd. That's funny. In 1998, when Clemens was with Boston, Canseco was traded to Boston and subsequently was part of the Toronto Blue Jays the next season. The Rocket and Canseco in Toronto together...and the Rocket is reborn. Sounds a little ironic that Roger is in the Mitchell Report and the Juice King didn't see him in that light. What bombshell will he be peddling now? Can you say A-Rod? I digress from that story to say that other sports have problems with Performance Enhancing Drugs, but baseball is the face of the story.
New England Patriots - Wow! What can you say but wow? After a first round draft pick and some 750,000 dollars in fines were taken from the Patriots for "Spygate," Belichick and the boys have run every team off the field, including a lingering effect that has their opponents with just one win after playing the Patriots the week before. Hopefully the New England Patriots will go 19 - 0, a feat that will forever cork the 1972 Dolphins' egos and never again will they gleefully pop the champagne. Tom Brady and company have scored early and often against what could be considered the best shot from every team they have played. We could be watching history in the making; that is, if you have the NFL Network. The beauty is that they get the 49ers' first round pick this year. Ironic? Lose a draft pick, win the Super Bowl, and still get one of the first picks in the coming draft. WOW!
Tim Tebow - The first underclassmen to win the Heisman Award. After backing up Chris Leak in the Florida Gators National Championship season his Freshman year, Tebow guided the Gators to a three loss record, with over 20 passing and running touchdowns accounting for 49 end zone trips. The SEC, known for their bruising schedule, has never had a 20 touchdown rusher. This in itself is a huge feat, seeeing that he is the quarterback. Percy Harvin (WR) is salivating at this point. He will be the front runner for the Heisman, considering Tebow has set the bar very high for the position of QB and the Gator's having the top incoming recruiting class in the country. Throw in Emmanuel Moody the RB transfer from USC and Urban could have a squad in '08.
Appalachian State - Doing the Maize and Blue in the Big House. The Mountaineers went 11-2 winning their third National Championship in a row. Somehow they had the time for a playoff. Seeded fifth, they beat Delaware for the title after dispatching James Madison University, the University of Richmond, and Eastern Washington University. A 16 team playoff at the collegiate level = Novel Idea.
O.J. Simpson - After being acquitted for the double murder of his former wife and a guy in the wrong place, O.J. and his cronies got all twisted up in a sting to retrieve "his" belongings. I thought all that was supposed to be property of the Goldman family, to ah.......settle that Civil Judgement. Some one needs to be printing t-shirts that say, "O.J. Stays in Vegas". There's a good chance you'd make a buck or two. His Keystone cop escapades in Sin City may ironically be snake eyes for the Juice.
Gambling - NBA Official Tim Donahey was caught fixing games for his buddies who - surprise! - happened to be small time bookies. There is no way of knowing whether or not this could be happening unless you watched him. People heard "whispers" but wouldn't dare accuse someone of such an act. You're looking at a quick trip to court for libel at that very second. You better have proof. The Feds did...and caught Tim in a pinch.

Mitchell Me This

2007-12-13T17:43:00.000-05:00

How about my game back you weasels?

Joe Nuxhall

2007-11-16T11:00:00.006-05:00

This past summer I was lucky enough to attend the Reds' game which included a pre-game ceremony honoring three of Cincinnati's great broadcasters: Marty Brennaman, Waite Hoyt, and Joe Nuxhall. There were speeches, hugs, and much applause, but the thing that got me was the replaying of some of their famous calls of Reds' moments. Baseball has been a part of my life as long as I can remember, and Marty and Joe were the ones to send the Reds action (or lack thereof) through my radio.

Marty was, and still is, the professional announcer while Joe was the old left-hander (and the youngest any hander ever in the big leagues), your unabashed homer in the Reds' radio booth...

In the days before 24 hour sports coverage on dozens of cable channels, if we weren't actually at the ballgame Marty and Joe were our connection to the Reds. In fact, many people chose to bring their radios to the ballpark to listen while watching the action live...

Joe Nuxhall passed away Thursday evening, and while we may never hear the old left-hander "Rounding third and heading for home" again, we will always remember the summer days and nights when he brought home all the joys and frustrations of Reds baseball. From all of us in Reds country, good night Joe.

To read more about how Joe touched us all, go here.

I'll Take That...and a bag of chips!

2007-11-14T14:30:00.000-05:00

The famous auction house Christie's had a little sale last night which, it appears, was attended by none of my closest friends for some reason (I'm looking at you Whitey). Having spammed everyone I know with a short wish list of reasonably priced artwork, I figured I could check the web this morning and see what my good pals had decided to bestow upon me this holiday season.

Imagine my dismay. My only hope is Whitey may be "anonymous telephone bidder," but knowing his flair for publicity I highly doubt it. But on to the paintings! Being the Renaissance Man I am, I feel highly qualified to critique some of the offerings from last night. While you may say, "My kid could do that...," you would be wrong. Or your kid needs better PR.

Andy Warhol: "Liz" This beautiful thing was owned by Hugh Grant, and supposedly it is a "heavy-handed" version. Regardless, it sold for $21 million which netted Mr. Grant a nice return on his investment - he bought it in 2001 for $3.5 million. Rumor is her eyes follow you. Creepy. Or endearing. Goes well with white walls or Miami Vice decor. I was going to put her in the bathroom for reasons I need not divulge here. Alas.

Lucian Freud: “Ib and Her Husband” Freud is still alive (this was painted in 1992) and probably looking on in dismay as I doubt he let this go for more than $100. It was sold by a woman in Seattle for $19.3 million. That's Freud's daughter (Isobel) and, one would hope, her husband in the painting. I like the radiator in the background. Charming.

Ed Ruscha: "Burning Gas Station" Ed is also still alive and presumably not hurting for cash. This painting was sold by a guy in San Francisco for $6.9 million. I like it, but I tend to go for the apocalyptic more than most. Good for the kids' room if your kids happen to be named Pugsley and Wednesday.

Mark Rothko: Untitled I like the name, or lack thereof. More than many other artists, except maybe Pollock, Rothko often generates the, "My kid could do that" comment. While that may be true, your kid didn't do it and isn't buying you a new fleet of Maseratis anytime soon with the $34.2 million they would have made. This was the big boy at the auction, fetching the highest price tag. Good for the geometry teacher on your Christmas list or convincing people you have a blue flat-screen TV. Worth more than the GNP of many African countries.

Richard Prince: "Piney Woods Nurse" $6 million. Go figure. This is one in a series of 'Nurse' paintings by Prince, most of which I like better than this one. If you see one in a doctor's office near you it will serve as a gentle reminder as to why medical school is so #$%damn expensive...and why your insurance rates are so high.

Gerhard Richter: "Düsenjäger" Jet planes! For the low, low price of $11.2 million! I think it would look better on velvet with Tom Cruise peering out of the cockpit. Probably be worth more too!

Jeff Koons: "Blue Diamond" Aptly named, this monstrosity is seven feet wide and almost eight feet tall. The only reason one should spend $11.8 million on this is if you: A) have a joint bank account with the artist; B) are the artist's representative (which the buyer was) or; C) receive some documentation that it is indeed a real diamond. If you have someone present "C" to you, I have a bridge in Brooklyn in which you might be interested...

Basquiat: "Sugar Ray Robinson" I'm not sure this is the actual painting which was sold last night, but it was the only representation of the same name I could find. The New York Times describes it as, "...a brightly colored hulking figure in shorts and gloves..." which this painting most definitely is not. Nevertheless, something titled "Sugar Ray Robinson" by Basquiat sold for $6.5 million last night. And yes, your kid probably could have knocked this painting out.

Most of my information came from this article in the New York Times. I would assume most of our loyal readers accidentally discarded the postcard reminder sent to them by Christie's concerning this sale. Fear not! Tonight you have a second chance to buy me some stuff to adorn my presently blank apartment walls! Without further ado, a preview of tonight's auction across town at Sotheby's...

Jeff Koons: "Jim Beam - Caboose" No, it's not a painting, but it's a caboose! When Koons wasn't chopping out hideously over-sized blue diamonds he was working on the choo-choo's! A steal at $1-1.5 million. I'd like it more if it was an actual scale representation, but beggars can't be choosers.

Mark Rothko: Untitled We may have missed out on a Rothko last night, but we're in luck...another is on the block tonight. I like to call this one "A View From the Moon." Goes with any decor (especially mine). Hope you saved your pennies as the starting bid is $12 million.

Zeng Fanzhi: Mask Series 99-A-2 Easily the creepiest thing for sale. This is what you get that pesky in-law just to force them to have to put the thing on the wall every time you come over. In fact, I'm making this our banner just to creep y'all out. Should you want to give this to someone, bids start at $900,000. I think it's worth the look on your Mother-in-Law's face Christmas morning: "An original Fanzhi...you shouldn't have!"

Mike Kelley: "Written in the Wind" This one is a bit difficult to grasp through the picture. There are a couple of these 'installation pieces' for sale, and this one is my favorite. It includes: a cardboard box, 10 found stuffed animals, coat rack with jacket and shirt, and ten wall texts. The dimensions are variable, as you could presumably heap it all a corner, graffiti the walls yourself, and then deal with your wife's sour looks for the duration. Little does she know you dropped $1.2 mil on this over-sized diorama. Trust me, the subtlety will be lost on her. Feel free to explain.

Damien Hirst: "Adam and Eve (Banished From the Garden)" If the previous work didn't getcha, I offer this beauty. It includes: Painted steel and glass vitrine with 2 metal gurneys, 2 cloth dummies, 2 metal buckets, various medical instruments, 1 spool of twine, 2 needles, 2 rubber gloves, 2 rubber plugs, chicken bones, one plate and sandwich, 3 fish hooks and chain, and cloth. I like the chicken bones, three fish hooks, and sandwich. If you buy this, make sure you find those items quickly as they will probably be your only source of nourishment after whomever you live with finds out you spent $3 million on this wonderful item. Enjoy.

Ellsworth Kelly: "Dark Grey Curve" Looks more like a dark black curve to me. Once you spend $1-1.5 million on this, go ahead and name it whatever you want. Whitey likes "Slice of Licorice." My personal favorite is "Bad Cheese."

Andy Warhol: "Campbell's Soup Can (Pepper Pot)" We've all seen these before. You can buy a reprint of this Warhol masterpiece (in practically any flavor) for probably around $20. Or you can buy the original for $9 million. Your choice, but remember: you always get what you pay for.

Francis Bacon: "Second Version of Study for Bullfight No. 1" Last but not least, this is my favorite. It looks like a miniature bull is chasing its tail in the corner of your dining room floor. Sotheby's doesn't even put a price on this on their website ("Estimate Upon Request"), but the early word on the street is it will go for at least $35 million. Don't be shy, I'm worth every penny.

Check out Sotheby's for more information and a complete list of items for sale. You have to register, but it's quick, painless and, most importantly, free. Coming Soon! Whitey & The Professors' First Annual If I Get One Toy For Christmas, It Better Be One of These Christmas List. No need to shop for the kids 'til then.

Take the bump?

2007-11-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

C.C. Sabathia has been named the American League Cy Young Award winner for the 2007 season. When we last saw C.C. he was getting shelled by the Red Sox. His teammates didn't help much, giving him little run support against Josh Beckett. Beckett was lights out in his two meetings with C.C. in the American League Championship Series. He came in second with 11 fewer first place votes. He did, however, win the World Series this past October.

If it is any consolation, I'll just tip this to you. By winning the Cy Young, C.C. has become only the second Cleveland Indian to win the award. He also becomes the first African-American to win the award in the American League since 1971, when Vida Blue won (trivia: who was last African-American winner in the National League?). Sabathia topped the bigs in innings pitched with 241. He went at least 6 innings in every game during the season, had a record of 19-7 in 34 starts, a 3.21 ERA, and received a $2.25 million bump in pay by winning the Cy Young. He gets a $250,000 bonus and will earn $11 million in 2008 instead of $9 million.

An even bigger pay bump could soon be coming: Sabathia can become a free agent after the 2008 season. At 27 years of age and a dominate south-paw, teams will be salivating at the chance to sign him ("Teams" probably means the Red Sox, Dodgers, Cubs, and Yankees). And just for good measure there is another guy out there who might get traded this hot stove season and make a bigger payday: Johan Santana of the Minnesota Twins.

The Twins are a small market team, and will probably move Santana before the start of next season to get the maximum value for him. That should set the bar quiet high. Greg Maddux, at 41, just inked a $10 million, one year deal to stay with the San Diego Padres. You do the math!

The Free Agent poll...updated with others who ain't free agents but you'd like anyway!

In a perfect world?

2007-11-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

Don Shula stirred up a little controversy this past week with his comments, or non-comments, on the season the New England Patriots are putting together. Should the Patriots be burdened with an asterisk next to their name if they succeed in going 16-0?

First and foremost, I think the asterisk is one of the most misused symbols in the English language. A little history: the asterisk originates from feudal times where it was used as a symbol to indicate date of birth. It originally had six arms, like teardrops falling from the center (see the picture above). It can bring attention to a footnote and is also used in mathematics, human genetics, economics, and cricket. You know...things that really matter. However, now it is being thrown around like a Frisbee at Woodstock!

In 1961, when Roger Maris broke Babe Ruth's 60 home runs in a season record, he did it in a 162 games schedule while Ruth played a 154 game schedule. So Ford Frick, the baseball commissioner at the time, placed an asterisk in the record book. He wanted to have an explanation (or retelling) for the accomplishment that Maris had achieved. The stigma of the asterisk stayed with Maris for many years.

Today, the concept of a real or figurative asterisk denoting less-than-official records has become widely used in sports and other competitive endeavors. It became almost a sport to say the word when Barry Bonds hit 72, and after 756 it hit a fevered pitch. Marc Echo, who bought the ball for a large sum of money, had an on-line poll concerning what to do with the ball: send it into space, donate it to the Hall of Fame, or burn an asterisk into the ball. Sure, like the next guy, I'd love to see anything shot into space, but it is historical. He owns the ball so he can do what he wants with it. As for me, I think it's spineless to use Joe Q. Public to stand between you and Bonds at the next ESPY's when you're the guy who allowed a piece of history to wear the Scarlet letter.

Shula, on the other hand, is the coach of the only NFL team to go undefeated in a season: 16-0 in 1972. the player and coaches from that team get together to celebrate the last undefeated team's first loss every season. At tad pompous if you want my opinion. They only beat two teams with a winning record in a 16 game schedule. The Patriots will have to play 19 to go undefeated for a season. Do you think that an asterisk on the 16 game schedule would be fitting? Maybe it is more that the Pats are looking so good that we won't have to watch those guys pop open the Dom and toast to their record being intact.

Yes, the Patriots were caught doing what most, if not all, people do. Trying to get ahead by any means necessary. "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'," is the phrase that became popular while sitting in the bullpen filling your fingernail to a sharp point. It's a pitcher's friend and allows one to score a ball easily in an attempt to get more bite on breaking pitches. I don't really care if the Patriots go 19-0, I would just like to not have to hear they may get the asterisk. If I were to get a 19-0 Patriots team, and a winless Dolphin team, in the 2007 season, it would be a perfect world.

Come One, Come All! The Bengals are in town!

2007-11-12T08:43:00.000-05:00

This commentary on the carnival ride that is the Cincinnati Bengals has been brewing for some time. Their record now stands at 3-6, a disappointing start to say the least.

But if there is one thing the Bengals are good at it is playing themselves right out contention and then sailing to a .500 record. They tend to either start the season well and then tank, or tank from the get-go and then finish strong. Either situation leads to a scenario where hopes are high with "What-If's" at the end of the season and no significant changes are made.

Last season the Bengals started 3-0 and were 8-5 at one point before losing the final three games of the year to end at 8-8. In 2005, they were 11-3 before losing their final three games of the year, including the first-round playoff game in which Carson Palmer had his knee bent sideways. In 2004, they started 2-5 but rallied to go 6-3 the rest of the way to finish out 8-8. In 2003, Marvin Lewis' first year as head coach, they started 1-4 but righted the ship enough to go 7-4 in the remaining games to finish, you guessed it, 8-8. Let's not forget that Lewis took over a team that had finished 2-14 the year before.

Before this season started, I asked the question of local commentators here in Cincinnati why we should believe the Bengals team this year should be any different than the 8-8 team last year. Crickets...and, "Carson is healthy." The defense is, well, the same bad defense. The amazing thing to me is how close the Bengals are to being a 1-8, or even 0-9, team.

Game #1 against Baltimore saw the Ravens turn the ball over 6 freakin' times and the Bengals won by seven (final score 27-20). If not for a deflected, shoe-string interception on the goal line in the final minute of the game the Bengals may well have lost...with a turnover margin of +4. In the game yesterday, the Ravens again turned the ball over six times (proving there actually is a more inept 11 than the Bengals defense) which resulted in a team record seven field goals. In two games, Baltimore had 12 turnovers and the Bengals scored a grand total of 48 points including two, count them, two offensive touchdowns. Remind me again why Carson and Co. are considered a "prolific" offense.

The only other win the Bengals have is against the Jets (38-31) who, let's face it, are a bad football team. The Bengals haven't beaten a team with a winning record since week 10 of last season (New Orleans). If history holds true, Cincinnati should get 4 more wins (Arizona, St. Louis, San Francisco, and Miami) which would give them a 7-9 record. I say the Bengals will be 7-8 going into the final game of the year against a winless Miami Dolphins team...who will get their first win. Who-Dey!

See you on the A-train?

2007-11-08T15:31:00.000-05:00

My sister found a small college in North Carolina that she loved from the first time she saw it. She went there, and I followed a few years later. I can remember sitting with my roommate in the Lutz-Yelton Convocation Center watching the Runnin' Bulldogs of Gardner-Webb College. I was a baseball player living in a dorm with mostly football players and a stones throw from the aforementioned center. So basketball was a must see, and we sat in the rafter seats. I'll admit it - we were lazy. No stairs!

As we sat watching the first game of my freshman year, I remember looking at the banners of retired jerseys. There were just a couple, but one jumped off the page, so to speak. #53 GILMORE was one of them. Artis Gilmore went to Gardner-Webb Junior College from 1967 to 1969 and from there he went to Jacksonville University. In 1970, he led the Dolphins to the NCAA Championship game. In 1971, he went as the first draft pick to the Kentucky Colonels of the ABA. In 1988 (my freshman fall semester), he returned to the Chicago Bulls playing with a young upstart named Micheal Jeffery Jordan. Needless to say it was a big thing for our small Division II school.

Fast forward to 2007 and the Gardner-Webb University Runnin' Bulldogs have gone to University of Kentucky and beat the number 22 ranked team in the land. The greatest thing in sporting history at Gardner-Webb. Nothing compares to this. Coming from a Junior College to a University in less than 35 years is pretty special. I got a call this morning from a buddy when he saw it on the headlines. Gardner-Webb upsets Kentucky! Wow, I never thought I would be able to say those words, and to a friend that is a Kentucky nut and booster!

Back to Gilmore. Why is he not in the Basketball Hall of Fame? From 1972 - 1976 he played in the defunct ABA. He was drafted by the Bulls in the dispersal draft where he played with various teams until retiring in 1989. Despite an ABA career in which he averaged 22.3 points and 17.1 rebounds per game and NBA career averages of 17.1 points and 10.1 rebounds per game, Gilmore has yet to be elected to the Hall of Fame. He is one of several former ABA MVP's who have not received the honor. In addition to being pro basketball's all-time most successful field goal percentage shooter, Gilmore ranks among the top 25 all-time point scorers, as well as in the top ten in rebounds, blocked shots, games and minutes played. No other players with comparable statistical accomplishments have been omitted from the Hall of Fame.

Gilmore is currently ineligible for Hall of Fame consideration until 2012. For the past three years he failed to receive a single vote of support from a panel of nine basketball experts (! or ??) serving on the North American screening committee. This committee is anonymous. I for one, as a Runnin' Bulldog, would like to see this changed. Hopefully this media blitz will bring a little attention to Artis and his dominance that gave him the nickname "A -Train".

See you in Madison Square Garden for the Coaches vs. Cancer 2K Tourney. The few Bulldogs that were in Kentucky for the game bought alot of tickets from the Wildcat faithful who had purchased them before the game tipped off. Here is a little tidbit for the office trivia: Artis Gilmore holds what NCAA record? His career average of 22.7 rebounds per game is still the highest in NCAA Division I history.

Who's on third?

2007-11-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

I was looking in on the Hot Stove news which, for you casual fans, is the off season in baseball - The time when teams sit around the warm fire at the Winter Meetings and trade and/or sign free agents for the coming year. Each year all of baseball gathers together for something to do. Mainly talk baseball. It is almost heaven. Last year the Red Sox were by far the most active team and it made them the World Series Champions. This year the big fish is A-Rod. So if you look for news, you will get mostly A-Rod related stories. Who, where, how? All these questions will be addressed by someone in the media.

Some of our favorites are Hall of Famer, Peter Gammons, Jason Stark, Buster Olney, and "Little Timmy" Kurkjian. The Professor and I will be attending the Winter Baseball Meetings this December 2 - 6, so we will be in the thick of things...stay tuned.

The 2007-2008 Free Agents and Teams.

Once again I have used a source that I'm not thrilled with. Wikipedia is a good source but not all that reliable. It can be edited by Joe Public, so don't believe every thing you read on it. That said, for some things it is a great resource. This is a great page that you can link to in order to see what your team is doing the off season. I stumbled on to it, and I hope it helps you.

POLL QUESTION:

If your team had a chance to sign A-Rod would you?

Frankly, my dear?

2007-11-05T11:31:00.001-05:00

It is marathon time around the country. I admit that I am far from an authority on the sport of running. However, this will be a shameless plug for a friend running her first race.

Scarlett is a wonderful young lady who is a fan of the site. I got wind of her running a marathon in the "Capital of the Confederacy". That would be Richmond Va. for those of you in "Beantown".
Boston, New York, and Chicago all have their marathons on television, and I hear it's a great spectator sport. I'd be sitting at the corner watering hole knocking back chilly pops at 8 a.m. just to be able to say I was there. This coming weekend, Scarlett will be running in the Organ Donation Marathon. A great cause...and do some one a favor - donate to your local charities.

As for myself, I would just like to offer a little piece of pep talk to Miss Scarlett:

Download the Batman Soundtrack into your iPod. Great score, starts slow, finishes strong.
Crowds are over-hyped. It's just you and the road.
Make sure you have good tread on your feet...you would hate to have flat tire (unless you have plenty of spares stored up).
Have a wonderful time.

And last but not least, an Irish prayer.

May the sun shine on your shoulders. May the ground rise to meet your feet. And may you be in Heaven, 30 minutes before the devil knows your dead.

Meanwhile I'll lift a glass of single malt in the morning and watch from the corner bar. Working on my spare tire!

Who's Crying Now?

2007-10-31T09:49:00.000-04:00

It seems the people in the National Football League think that it was wrong that the New England Patriots played the full 60 minutes of Sunday's game against the Washington Redskins. John Clayton of ESPN told Mike & Mike in the Morning on ESPN Radio that people were livid that Bill Belichek didn't call off the dogs in scoring 52 points in their 52-7 win over Joe Gibbs' Washington Redskins.

Calling off the dogs in a sport is akin to taking you foot off the pedal in the car on the way to work in the morning. You can't get to work with the car idling! New England is now 8-0 going into a showdown game with the 7-0 Indianapolis Colts this week. Oh by the way, the Colts are the reigning Champions of the aforementioned NFL. Should the Patriots have pulled Tom Brady? Should they have run the ball between the tackles on every play, the defense thus knowing the play to stop them? Should the defense of New England laid down for the running back to get a first down, or even score? Should the National Football League have crying?

There is a saying as old as dirt. There is no crying in baseball. You get plunked by the pitcher - walk to first and don't rub it. So I retort with this: In the World Series of a week ago, when the Boston Red Sox were laying the wood to the Colorado Rockies 8-0 in the 6th inning, should they have taken Manny, Big Papi or Series MVP Lowell out of the line-up? Maybe they could have sent Eric Gagne out to the mound with a gas can and a few Blue Tips. He could have given up the long ball to 4 or 5 guys, just to make it fair.

Instead of calling off the dogs, they played 9 innings, taking into account the Rockies winning 21 of 22 to end the season and sweeping themselves into the World Series where they waited 9 days to play the Boston Red Sox. Ask them if they wanted the lay off. Granted, they won't apoligize for winning early, but they had some rust.

The Patriots play the defending champs this weekend. Do you think they want to take their foot off the gas before they get to the final horn of the Super Bowl, much less against the Redskins?

Bizarro World?

2007-10-26T09:35:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don't understand what the "Bizarro World" is, let me explain it quickly. In the Superman Comic Series by DC Comics, there is an alternate and opposite world. Superman has an evil opposite of himself, and hello is goodbye. If I go any further, one may draw the conclusion that I'm a nerd. Far from it, just know it from Seinfeld.

Anyhoo. I was running through the news of the day and found a Bizarro World right here on earth.

The Christian Science Monitor had an article that answered a question many people have asked me in the past. What happens to the merchandise of the losing teams in sports? You know the ones claiming the guys that lost really won. You won't walk around in the United States and see a guy sitting on a park bench wearing a 2007 AL Champion Cleveland Indians t-shirt. The shirts were made because they were a game away from winning. So where do they go?

Africa my friend. They send them to the poor and needy in third world countries. I was in Chicago at the Museum of Natural History looking at a picture of an African child in a Batman shirt. At first I dismissed it as pop culture all around the world. After finding this, I realize my attitude was closed minded. That child had a smile while living in poverty. He could care less what was on his shirt. Maybe he was just happy to have a shirt, even if he might not know from where his next meal was coming.

Those shirts and merchandise go to help people. I know that they could care less who wins, but if you were to go to that place one might think the Chicago Bears won the Superbowl last year. I'm happy to see that the clothes are put to good use, and it is a great help to those who need it instead of ending up in an incinerator somewhere here in States. MLB started this year by signing on with other sports leagues to help.

Even if your a fan of no one in the series, at least hope that it goes seven games. It will benefit someone...and it will be one less day until Spring Training '08.

6 Pack?

2007-10-24T16:38:00.000-04:00

Whitey says:
Rockies in 6!

Say What?

2007-10-24T09:07:00.000-04:00

With the World Series upon us and the NFL in full-swing, Whitey and I feel the need, nay the duty, to alert all of our faithful readers to many of the inane comments consistently issued by purportedly intelligent commentators. These guys (and sometimes gals) get paid to spout some the most banal drivel this side of your local news.

Watch any of the side show NFL games and you'll know what we're talking about (Craig Bolerjack anyone?). Whitey loves Tim McCarver. I think Dick Enberg should be banned from announcing any event not involving ice skates, strawberries and cream, or azaleas ("Oh My!").

Here are some of our favorites (?) :

"At the end of the day..." The classic. Uttered by coaches and commentators alike. At the end of the day it's amazing you still have a job.
"That's a great football play," or "...wonderful golf shot." Hey moron, I know what sport I'm watching. I would be surprised if Tiger Woods hit a stunning half-court volley. This is one of John Madden's favorites ala, "He's a great football player." Incredible insight. Along these same lines is, "He's a gamer."
"Crafty Lefthander." During the World Series game tonight, start your stopwatch and see how long it takes for Tim McCarver to call Jeff Francis a "Crafty Lefthander." Or how long it takes for them to mention the Yankees. It's a toss up.
"Scrappy" or "Never-say-die attitude." The Rockies will get this one thrown at them early and often, especially if they are losing 10-0 in the third.
"Catching lightning in a bottle..." Again, this will said by someone within the first ten minutes of tonight's World Series game. Guaranteed.
"If the season ended today..." Well, it doesn't, so we don't care.
"Chop wood" or "Blue Collar" or "Lunch-Pail guys" or "Grinders" or "Insert your favorite workingman's phrase here." These guys just go to work, albeit for slightly more money than your local Ford assembly line employee. I don't know how they do it...
"Whoever wins the turnover battle..." Rinse. Repeat next week.
"They have to play as if they have nothing to lose." Really? This is the "What Me Worry?" line which comes flying out every time a team appears woefully over-matched. Most teams do have something to lose...like the game.
Anything said by Skip Bayless. If you see Skip, change the channel. Now.

Remember, the mute button is your friend. And be on the lookout tonight for two guys: Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. You might see them.

Classless?

2007-10-24T08:58:00.000-04:00

My first major League experience was at Yankee Stadium. My father and I went to a game against the White Sox. I was never a AL fan and never will be. I think the DH is an abomination. However the mystique of Yankee Stadium is haunting. All the great players that have placed that franchise on so many banners, past and present, is mind blowing. My take from the experience was that Yankee fans were rude and the owner was a tad cranky at the time, the early 80's.

Forward to the years that Rudy ran crime from the streets and the Yankees started their run to a few rings. Seinfeld placed Costanza in the front office of the Yankees and Buck Showalter lost his job. Along comes one of the classiest cats in baseball, Joe Torre. Along with Rivera, Posada, the sprinkling of Sheffield, Lofton, Aaron Bleepin' Boone and the maturation of Derek Jeter, the Yankees as an organization became somewhat palatable.

All that went out the window last Thursday. Offering a guy that has been second only to Bobby Cox in post season births being a 40% pay cut and an incentive laden contract is classless. There were no negotiations, showing as much disrespect as would canning the guy in Spring Training. To offer a manager a lame duck contract is as classy as booing A-Rod after a MVP season.

Yes Yankee fans, you will now feel like the Storm Troopers on the Death Star. Bend over and kiss your tokus good-bye. There will be chaos in the Bronx. Big Stein is back making decisions for the sake of being relevant. Brian Cashman, the Senior VP and GM of the Yankees, has got to feel kicked around like a hacky sack at a Lalapalooza tour stop. Cashman got to be the guy who offered that joke to Torre. And that is what it is, a joke!

Torre won 4 World Series Titles, 12 Divisions Titles, and was the AL Manager of the Year twice. Bobby Cox hasn't won the titles that Torre has, but has a longer Post Season streak and a job. Bobby doesn't have a carrot at the end of a stick contract and Torre's next one won't either. If I were the Yankees, I would have at least locked the guy up in the organization, but they can't think that far ahead. They will think twice when Torre shows up across town in Shea Stadium taking the Subway Series, or in Boston at which time the Death Star implodes in on itself.

The Atlanta Braves have stuck with Bobby Cox as he has caught and surpassed the record for being ejected from games by a manager and only won one World Series. He is their guy, and has continued to be for 16 years. Atlanta had made a run into the post season for 14 straight years before the resurgence of the New York Mets. Cox didn't make it to the playoffs for a couple of seasons, but he still has a contract and is not looking over his shoulder.

The over inflated expectations of the Boss has sent one of the best managers into the booth. If you can't remember how bad it was in the late 70's, and 80's, just wait Yankee fans. History repeats itself. You can put them in a new stadium, but you can't make them have class. As long as the business people are running the baseball operations, Cashman may want to keep his head on a swivel.

All is calm in Hotlanta; and bedlam in the Bronx.

2007-10-10T10:53:00.000-04:00

By the way...go ahead and look at the number #15 team in the country!

Rushing Defense #13
Scoring Offense #7
Scoring Defense #5
Net Punting #2
Turnover Margin #1
Interceptions #1

The Keg of Nails comes home this weekend!

GO BEARCATS!

Take Two!

2007-10-10T08:57:00.000-04:00

Much has been made (or missed, ha!) of the "Timeout right before the kicker attempts a critical field goal" scenario in the NFL. The tactic has seen success and failure so far - the Broncos made the Raiders do-over and Janikowski missed. The Raiders took the hint and used a time out against the Browns the following week to force a second kick, which they blocked. On Monday night the Bills made Cowboys kicker Nick Folk do it twice...and he made it twice.

Initially I considered myself a member of the change-this-scenario crowd. I found it a bit over the top - an annoying and sleazy tactic. But The Professor has had a change of heart. I heard an interview with Dolphins kicker Jay Feeley last night on Fox Game Time Live with Andrew Siciliano which provided a new slant to the idea.

Feeley said that providing the kicker two chances to make one kick is akin to allowing a golfer two attempts at a putt. In an extremely scientific experiment conducted by myself and a friend over many rounds of golf this summer, I can attest that the second putt is almost always more accurate than the first.

Feeley claims the same thing is true with kicking. While a couple of times the scenario has not played out exactly this way, he claims that if you a give a kicker two chances to make the same field goal more often than not he can nail the second one. Taking into account the wind, the trajectory, the distance, blah blah blah...the kicker can fine-tune his kick based on the results of the first one. These being professional kickers, giving them basically a practice kick is not a good idea (in the long run) according to Feeley.

His argument is a compelling one, seeing as he's a kicker and should know a bit about these things. I also find such arguments as "They should change the rule" a bit misleading. There isn't a specific rule that allows coaches to do this sort of thing. In fact, one would have to significantly alter the current rules to allow for a "No-Time-Out-Right-Before-The-Kick" situation. On any play the coach (or a player) is allowed to call a time out right up to the snap of the ball. In an article today Michael Smith argues for a change that would state "... any time a team lines up in a field goal formation, the opposing team may not call timeout after the play clock reaches 10 seconds."

I must point out the insanity behind this idea. Let's say a team lines up for a field goal and with nine seconds left on the play clock flips into a different formation, ala a fake field goal or a blatant non-field goal formation. Is it ok to call a time out now? What if a team lines up in field goal formation and then has the QB, who may be positioned to hold the ball for the kick, stand up with 11 seconds left and position himself for a shotgun snap? The rule would have to have addenda such as "The opposing may team may not call a time with ten seconds or less on the play clock unless the formation changes to a certain extent as to significantly alter the purpose of the play or complete mayhem ensues and we have no idea what is going on and therefore all bets are off and a naked man runs across the field."

Leave the rule the same. The fans know the second one is gonna count (as you cannot call time outs on consecutive plays with no play having been run) and the thrill will still be there. Heck, maybe the kicker will ask his own coach to call a time out so he gets one free practice shot. Well, maybe not.

It's A Mistake?

2007-10-02T11:28:00.000-04:00

Instant Replay in baseball. Sounds simple. It's not. In the one hundred and sixty third game of a one hundred sixty two game schedule, the play-in game was decided on a play at the plate. From the time I woke up at 0530 this morning until I sat down to opine on the controversy, I had seen the replay some 100 times, from a variety of angles.

The basic mantra being bantered about is that the runner missed home plate. I saw the hands of the home plate umpire signal safe. That is where it ends for me.

All the pundits crying that they deserve the right call need to just shut up. Baseball has been played - and judged - by the human eye since it's inception.

The argument that seems most prevalent is for Instant Replay. It's technology. It's state of the art. Hey steroids are technology, but they're taboo.

There are 32 teams, multiplied by 162 games, multiplied by 54 outs a game. Added to that the 350+ balls and strikes. No one is perfect and things happen. It all evens out in the end.

Today in the Padres clubhouse I'm sure the guys that are packing up are bent over the call, but not more than the loss of a 2 run lead. In the 13th inning, by a Hall of Fame lock closer no less.
The only guys that it should make a difference to is them and they don't want it. At this level of play these guys have had calls go both for and against them.

If your check doesn't say San Diego Padres, it's not yours, so Shut up!

Ironic?

2007-08-21T11:57:00.000-04:00

I guess you might say that Michael Vick is one of the people that you thought you would tell your grandchildren about when you were old and gray. Well now he has cemented his place in Hall of Shame. I can't think of a quicker fall from grace. Rose, Tyson, Rocker, just pick your best argument for an illustration. This is; dare I say, epic.
Michael Vick was the quarterback that broke the mold, coming off his performance in the National Championship game against the Seminoles of Florida State in 2000. From all accounts that I have read, and heard, the guy was a caring, giving person. He has done a lot of good with the money he got from playing in the NFL. Dan Reeves, Frank Beamer, and countless others have been interviewed by multiple media outlets. I haven't found a damning statement from anyone that had a relationship with Vick. That said; I'm sure there is some guy that will try and get his 15 minutes of fame from this horrific event. So shame on him too.
Vick has let everyone down. I know that there are people in the Falcons fan base that will say he was framed, but there is an idiot born each minute, so go figure. It is inexcusable. To pit anything against another for getting your jollies, is just sick. People are all bent out of shape because it was dogs, and I get that. They are defenseless creatures, unless trained to do harm.
Mr. Vick probably deserves more than he will get; however what I'm having a problem wrapping my head around is, Where did all this morality come from?
We have had stars, or better yet, just people in your own neighborhood that beat their wives. People are getting shot in the street for no reason whatsoever. Children are being abused by adults, just to be let out on the streets again to repeat the offense. Where are the picket line at those trials?
I'm not happy to say this, not in any way. If you thought it was going to be hard to explain to your grandson that Barry allegedly used steroids to achieve his Home Run record, try putting a good face on for the kid when he finds out the guy playing killed "Fluffy".
Vick will probably get a year, and a half in the clink to think about his transgressions, and be glorified in the Big House, by his fellow perps. The NFL will ban him for a year, thus allowing him to return around 2010. Probably not as a quarterback, but with his athleticism someone will find him a place.
After Monday's plea, he will start a PR campaign the likes even Washington D.C. has never seen. For some reason it makes me wonder if he fooled so many people all this time, can you ever really trust the guy? I'm starting to believe Vick's reputation will be ironically like that of the pit bulls he bred. STOP! Audience Participation Time! Please reread the last sentence, and when you get to pit bull, insert your minds eye here.
Unfortunately, his dogs will be put down because they could never be pets, they won't get a second chance. Mr. Vick will. Then we will see if you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Point?

2007-08-13T08:42:00.000-04:00

Well another Major on the PGA Tour has come to its logical conclusion, with the guy in red holding the trophy. After Woods dropped that 63 on Friday, there was really no reason to watch. Everybody in the tournament went to bed that night playing for second. That said, I watched the back 9 after a great brunch: Eggs Benedict, Key Lime pie, and Glenlivet neat. Anyway, to the point.

I watched Tiger methodically play the course in his "Sunday Red". He played the last 3 holes knowing he had the tourney in the bag. After a 3 putt bogey at the 14th, Woods sunk a birdie putt on the 15th hole. As he watched the ball drop in, he pointed right at the hole. That was the moment. You usually see that fist pump he is well known for, or some other gesture that causes the crowd to go wild and his playing partner melt. This time that guy was Stephen Ames, who shot a 6 over 76. He started the day in second, and ended up tied for 12th. Tiger's point was basically saying, "That's the shot that put it away."

As a side note, I would add that it was good to see his wife and newborn also wearing "red" to celebrate the win. If you had a chance to see how fast he dropped that ball into his pocket, you know he is keeping that one for his mantle. Special day, special guy.

That's not a Real Name!

2007-08-12T07:34:00.001-04:00

In my never-ending quest to write articles no one cares about, I give you this one on team names. I have thought about this on and off, usually when I see the Devil Rays, Jaguars, or Timberwolves mentioned. I dug out this article from 2001 which quickly states the categories:

In the not-too-distant past -- think post-Chicago Staleys, pre-Chicago Fire -- professional team names tended to emerge from five generally accepted categories: uniform colors (White Sox, Red Sox, Reds, Browns); local industry, geography and lore (Packers, Astros, Lakers, Trailblazers); American Indians (Chiefs, Redskins, Blackhawks, Braves); nautical aggressors (Pirates, Buccaneers, Raiders, Vikings); and animals (Broncos, Rams, Colts, Bucks). [SOURCE]

Other than the fact that the Cleveland Browns were not named after their uniform color but the head coach at the time (Paul Brown, against his initial wishes, and who is pictured above rooting through potential Bengals helmets in the late 60's), this states the situation fairly clearly. For the sake of sanity, I am not considering college teams or any sport outside the Big 4 (well, three and a half). The tops in my book:

New York Yankees. Classic, and invokes an automatic, knee-jerk emotional reaction like "F*&! the Yankees" or "Hell yeah!" Involves an aspect I feel one needs in a the classic name - you can't envision it in another town, say, the Las Vegas Yankees . Say what? (Although there are exceptions to this below.)
Boston Celtics. Another classic. Like the Yankees, the Celtics' history helps them. One thinks half the town hails from Northern Great Britain even though this ain't exactly the case.
Pittsburgh Steelers. I think Pittsburgh would be a shell of a town (more than it already is) without the Steelers. Good name, localized, and unmovable. Although their recent addition of new mascot, Steely McBeam, is almost enough reason to drop them off this list entirely.
Dallas Cowboys. May deserve higher ranking on this list, but while the Cowboys do get an emotional reaction not unlike the Yankees, they lack a certain umph for me which I can't really explain. God help you if you meet a Cowboys/Yankees fan though.
Toronto Maple Leafs. It may be hockey, but it's a good name. Proceed with caution when naming yourself after a foliage however.
Chicago Cubs. Not localized, but definitely unmovable. The Cubs are classic for their ineptitude, and thus their fans carry that stigma as well. Should they actually make it to the World Series one day some of the mystique will surely vanish.
Green Bay Packers. Even worse than the Steelers, should the Packers wither and die they would most definitely take the city with them. Localized, classic, unmovable, and certainly the reason 90% of the town still lives there.
Tie: Philadelphia 76er's and San Francisco 49er's. Both great names which can't really be applied anywhere but where they are.
New Orleans Saints. Completely embodies the town for some reason. You might move this name, but it would never be the same.
Houston Astros. Great name, although I wish they had kept those uniforms which made us adjust the tint on the TV.

Honorable Mention:

Boston Red Sox
New England Patriots
Milwaukee Brewers
San Diego Padres
Detroit Pistons
Cleveland Browns (only team named after an actual person)
Hartford Whalers, wait...nevermind.

These teams are not in because they moved the unmovable name (and other reasons):

Los Angeles Dodgers. One dodges trolley cars in Brooklyn, not paparazzi in Santa Monica.
Los Angeles Lakers. Hey LA, pick your own name why don't you? Of all the teams in LA only the Kings (ZZzzz...) came up with their own name. I think.
Utah Jazz. You've got to be kidding me.
Indianapolis Colts. Just because you did this foolhardy thing in the middle of the night does not mean we didn't notice.

Names we want back:

Washington Bullets
Houston Colt .45's
Cincinnati Clowns

And now, for some of the worst:

Minnesota Timberwolves
Arizona Diamondbacks
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Jacksonville Jaguars
Carolina Panthers
Golden State Warriors
Indiana Pacers
Anaheim Mighty Ducks
Memphis Grizzlies
Tennessee Titans

Now it's your turn...the Polls for Best & Worst Team Name:

Image Conscious?

2007-08-12T07:30:00.000-04:00

Imagine Nolan Ryan standing on the mound in the bottom of the 9th, no hitter, two outs, and no runners on base. The manager walks out, puts his hand out asking for the ball, as he says, "You've reached your pitch limit." Twelve-year-old Daniel Inmacolato had this happen to him in a summer baseball camp.

This is the first year that the 85 pitch count will be in effect at the Little League World Series. In the past a child could throw six innings - the equivalent of a complete game. This year pitchers will be limited to 85 pitches per outing. Pitchers who throw more than 20 pitches in a game may not pitch in consecutive games. A pitcher who throws 46 or more pitches in a game must rest at least two days before pitching again. Gone are the days when a team with two good pitchers could get through a series. This new rule may lead to a dilution of the pitching quality in Little League.

Each year kids get better at putting the bat on the ball. This means every foul ball counts in your pitch count. If you run a few counts 3-2, you're gone in the fifth. So who pitches the 6th? The bullpen. With the volatility that is the "Bullpen" even at the Major League level, we are a short hop from set up guys and closers for the Little League managers to worry about. Some say it will develop more talent, but look at the expansion of the MLB and the way it diluted the pitching in the majors.

They are youngsters, so I understand the facts of arm fatigue, and injury. When I played you threw until you couldn't get guys out, and in more than one league at a time. I felt for Daniel as I read the account of him kicking the dirt, wanting the no hitter. That changed when I got to the end of the article and I read, "I like playing in the field, because if the other team makes runs, it's not my fault.'' I know he is young, but finger pointing is not good baseball. What in his playing career has made him think it is the pitcher's fault for runs to score? Or that it is not the shortstop's fault that runs score.

Someone needs to tell the kids that it is not if you win or lose, but how you play the game. With an attitude like that I'm wondering if the coaches are sending the right message, or if it is just a sign of the times.

Chew on this Lassie!

2007-08-10T09:42:00.000-04:00

I heard about this last week but it slipped my mind until I ran into it today...for the dog that has everything:

The Michael Vick Dog Chew Toy

For only $10.99 (plus S&H) your dog can gnaw on Mr. Vick's rubber cranium. Some of the proceeds supposedly go to raising awareness for animal abuse, however, I would not be surprised if that awareness begins and ends with a bumper sticker on the owner of this website's new Mercedes. And remember:

Disclaimer: Vick's Chew Toy is a fictional character. It's use is not intended to harm anyone living or dead. It is a novelty character and a pet chew toy. Vick's Chew Toy is being used to bring awareness to animal abuse. Any similarities to The National Football League MVP and All Star Michael Vick are false. The image of Vick's chew toy used on our website is not an exact representation of Vick's Chew Toy, however, satisfaction is guaranteed.

Satisfaction is guaranteed! And that is not Michael Vick. My bad.

Oh, by the way...

2007-08-08T09:23:00.000-04:00

Barry Bonds hit home run #756 last night, giving him sole possession of number two on the all-time list comfortably behind Sadaharu Oh who checks in with 868.
"Oh's record doesn't count," you say?
"He played in Japan," you mention?
"The Yomiuri Giants don't play in the National League," you point out.
Whatever, I say. Check out these facts:

Led the League (the "League" is プロ野球 or Puro Yakyū or Nippon Professional Baseball) in home runs fifteen times, including thirteen straight seasons.
Led the League in RBI's for thirteen seasons.
He was a five-time batting champion and won the Japanese Central League's (NPB is split into the Central and Pacific League's, like the National and American) batting triple crown twice.
While Oh was there, the Yomiuri Giants won eleven championships.
Oh was named the Central League's Most Valuable Player nine times and was an All-Star team eighteen times. [SOURCE] (I have seen various versions of these numbers, like he was an All-Star 20 times, but you get the idea.)

That's pretty good. "Yeah, but he played against inferior talent." I hear you. I just don't believe you. At last glance, Ichiro is pretty good. Daisuke Matsuzaka ain't a bad pitcher by any means. Hideki Okajima has an astronomical ERA of 1 this year. Are you trying to tell me that Dennis Springer, Rick Vanden Hurk, and Mike Bacsik make Barry Bonds' number more legitimate? Bonds hit HR's 71 and 72 off Chan Ho Park (admittedly, South Korean) in 2001. And who's to say that Babe Ruth would have hit 714 HR if MLB had been integrated? Is his record diminished because a fairly decent sized contingent of good to great baseball players wasn't allowed to suit up and play on the same field?

If the recent influx of international talent has shown us anything, it is that the United States does not have a demonstrable edge in baseball talent over the rest of the world. Give Oh his due. A good case for Oh is HERE, with links to further statistical analysis as well.

Not only should he be in the Hall of Fame, we should recognize his home run total as well. At the very least it gives the players yet another number to shoot for - and as a baseball fan I love those numbers to shoot for. It's funny how that works. I always thought Roger Maris' 61 in '61 was holy ground - a number that was much more fascinating on a pedestal way up there than as a number anyone should actually approach. Then lo' and behold it was surpassed six times in three years (1998-2001), three times by Sammy Sosa alone.

Put Oh in the Hall, tell Barry he has 112 to go, and give me call when A-Rod gets to 860.

300?

2007-08-07T08:41:00.000-04:00

Mr. Bonds hit his 755th Home Run a couple nights ago, tying him with Hank Aaron for the all time lead. He will finish this season with around 770. That's what the mark will be for A-Rod, who became the youngest player to hit 500 homers. So you see, that number is attainable.

On the other hand, Tom Glavine got his 300th win the other night. This number may be farther away from being seen again than any other number in baseball. The closest people to it are Randy Johnson at 284, but he's going to try and comeback after his 2nd back surgery at 42 years old. Mike Mussina at 245 is a grinder and a Yankee, but what happens when his contract is up at the end of the season? Are you throwing 10 million at an aging guy again? With the current swirl around the YES network being up for sale, and the rumors of "The Boss'" health in decline, the Yankees could be also. David Wells has 235 wins, but he's a coronary waiting to happen. You can't carry that weight and get another 65. 225 sees Jamie Moyer who spends too much time on the DL. Curt Schilling is at 213, but he came up in 1986. Do the math. Pedro Martinez is in the 200 club by 6, and he has no chance of getting a sniff of 300.

Cal Ripken's 2,632 consecutive games, Rickey Henderson's 1,406 stolen bases, and Pete Rose's 4,256 hits are astronomical numbers. Even Barry's 73 homers in a season is mind blowing, but fresh in our collective memory. Baseball is a numbers game, and these numbers may be imaginable but only if you're a fan. 300 wins has been placed into a new group of numbers - the numbers that are set in stone as we watch these things happen. The one caveat to 300 wins is that most team's starters are only going 6 innings an outing and bullpens are the soft underbelly of the team. Long gone are the days of complete games and dominate closers going one inning.

Professor's Poll: Here's a list of some of the "unattainable" numbers in baseball. Feel free to add your own with the "Other" answer.

Griffey Deserves All-Time Best Billing

2007-08-04T07:10:00.000-04:00

Here is a spattering of comments from The Sporting News.com forum, which I find typical, concerning Ken Griffey Jr. and the "What Could Have Been" scenario:

...Ken Griffey Jr. has the most beautiful swing in baseball. He has used it with tremendous power over the past decade and a half but he had a potential for much, much more. wvthundr

..Still one of the greatest outfielders though. Will unfortunately go down as one of the "how good would he have REALLY been" stories... hotlanta25

...If it weren't for Griffey's injury problems I could easily have seen him on pace to either break Aaron's record this year or next. It's a shame that he had to go through all the problems he has had because when he is healthy he is still as deadly as ever. tbeals7

It's sad to think about the talent being wasted by injuries with Junior Griffey... MFazio23

You get the idea, and I know you have heard it all before. I think this is the wrong way to evaluate Griffey. Unfortunately for him, he has had the bad luck to have his misfortunes at the end of his career instead of the beginning. I rarely hear anyone saying, "Well, Sandy Koufax would have been one of the best ever if it weren't for those first six years of his career." (In which he averaged six wins and a 4.04 ERA.)

Sure, Griffey might be pushing his way further up all-time lists if injuries had not come calling. But is anyone claiming Jim Brown is not one of the best, if not the best, football players ever because he only played nine years? Ken Griffey Jr. is one of the best baseball players ever. Period.

As a Reds fan I regret not getting Griffey's best years here in Cincinnati. That said, he had enough "best years" in Seattle (and has been nowhere near a "bad" player, when healthy, in Cincinnati) to easily be considered with Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, and Ted Williams on the short list of greatest outfielders of all-time. In fact, when the All-Century team was announced in 1999 Griffey was the only active position player who made the starting lineup. (Griffey finished 8th. Barry Bonds? 18th. And remember, Griffey is five years younger than Bonds.)

Has Griffey become a worse player since 1999? Much less so than Willie Mays was with the Mets. Stop the, "Well, he could have had 700 HR by now" talk. Ted Williams could have had some insane numbers had the Japanese not bombed Pearl Harbor. Babe Ruth might not have had the numbers he put up had baseball been integrated. (That topic is for another day...)

I understand discussions such as this - comparing eras, who's the best and who's a bum, etc. - are why sports talk radio exists and are near-and-dear topics of sports fans everywhere, including myself. The four letter network appears to revel in this inanery lately with their Who's Now and top 50 future football Hall of Famer shenanigans.

Stop evaluating Griffey on what coulda-shoulda-woulda been. At age 30 Ken Griffey Jr. was one of the greatest players of all-time. Today, at age 38, he is still one of the greatest players of all-time. And my oh my, what a swing....